Happiness:bit of a rant

LegacyUser

In the past few years I have drifted away from alot of friends and I am now very distant, when they call me or when I see them i feel as if I have absoloutely nothing to say to them, I was always a bit quiet, but now I feel as if I will never open up to anyone again and that thought scares the complete sh1t out of me.

why did I drift away? Well their only interests are getting drunk and doing drugs, which is not my scene, I like being active and doing things, Ive tried constantly to motivate them for various things but all in Vein.

I am a person who likes to do things with a friend/friends and not so much on my own.


I feel so lonely and Isolated, I have not had a girlfriend for over a year because I find when I go out with women, again I have very little to say and I hate small talk, I prefer deep and meaningful Conversations, but this means opening up to a person which I just cant.

I could do the whole one night stand thing but I am sick of it, its boring meaningless and always leads to me ignoring the girl afterwards, where she is interested in trying to make somthing out of it.

From this I have lost all confidence in Myself (although I am told great looking bloke etc.....)

I just can't be myself anymore its like I am wearing a mask.

A few months back the thought of suicide passed through my mind now and again, but I dont think I could ever go through with such an act mainly because I think it is too selfish and the stress it would cause to my family and friends would not be fair.

So from this I think, Jesus I wish I had never existed, what difference have I made in this world, what would it be like without me.


I find myself thinking all the time, is this it, is this really life?

Work 40 Hours a week for most of your youth, go drinking on the weekend......eventually get married have kids and live happily ever after, this is not the life I want or what I expected to be.

I am generally happy person, be then The above creeps into my mind now and again and it gets me so down .

I feel as if I have no one to talk to, no one to relate to and anytime someone who I can relate to well comes into my life, they dissapear just as quickly as they came, that has been the case for my whole life, ie moved country/county/died.

I really dont know what to think anymore, what to do and how.

Sorry for the rant, but I had to get this of my Chest

thedrowner

Work 40 Hours a week for most of your youth, go drinking on the weekend......eventually get married have kids and live happily ever after, this is not the life I want or what I expected to be.

you dont have to do this. some people enjoy all the little things that doing this brings them,others want different things.why not try doing stuff you've always wanted to do instead of this.

why did I drift away? Well their only interests are getting drunk and doing drugs, which is not my scene, I like being active and doing things, Ive tried constantly to motivate them for various things but all in Vein.

I am a person who likes to do things with a friend/friends and not so much on my own.


i hate that feeling when you realise youve drifted away from a friend, and you dont understand why they get a buzz doing the stuff they do, when it seems so stupid to you. but you have grown apart from you freinds, and if you dont want to be by yourself, and you want people to confide in, you're going to have to put yourself out there and make new friends, and find people you do feel you can open up to.


i hope you feel better after getting this off your chest. if this is a constant thing, daily, then maybe you should go and speak to someone about it, someone who can help you overcome feeling like this. we all get days where everything just seems worthless, and thats just part of life, but if its happening to you so often, well there are people out there who can help you to enjoy a better quality of life.

Mr_Roger_Bongos

The first glarlingly obvious observation i would make is, that if all your old m8s were drinkers and drug users, and you were active, then you go and make new friends persuing youre hobbies. Join walking clubs, or train with team in a sport u like, this is a great way to get out and meet people.

The only way you will find people to have deep and meaningful conversations with, is if you sift through the masses (because theyre arent that many people knwo what a deep and meaningful discussion is!). If youre "a good looking bloke" then your task should be made alot easier. Just get out more, do what you like, and eventually you will get to know like minded people. Something like a book group would also be a good way to meet more intellectual minds.

Hope these suggestions are of some use.

BuffyBot

Originally posted by unhappy1
In the past few years I have drifted away from alot of friends and I am now very distant, when they call me or when I see them i feel as if I have absoloutely nothing to say to them, I was always a bit quiet, but now I feel as if I will never open up to anyone again and that thought scares the complete sh1t out of me.

You will open up to people. You'll drift away from people. You'll drift away from people you've opened up to. And that might hurt. Alas that's life. Very few friendships last through your whole life - but you can't let that stop you from making the attrempt. We all do it - some work, most don't. When they do though, that's damned good.

why did I drift away? Well their only interests are getting drunk and doing drugs, which is not my scene,

Friends need common interests. It's probably not a surprise you've begun to drift away.

I feel so lonely and Isolated, I have not had a girlfriend for over a year because I find when I go out with women, again I have very little to say and I hate small talk, I prefer deep and meaningful Conversations, but this means opening up to a person which I just cant.

Is having a girlfriend really important to you? Or do you feel you should have a girlfriend? If you don't feel comfortable doing the whole smalltalk thing, don't. If you can't strike up a reasonable conversation with them, it's probably not going to work out on a long term basis anyway. So why lose confidence - don't pressure yourself into something if it is not the right time. There are people out there who you will get on with though.

A few months back the thought of suicide passed through my mind now and again, but I dont think I could ever go through with such an act mainly because I think it is too selfish and the stress it would cause to my family and friends would not be fair.

So from this I think, Jesus I wish I had never existed, what difference have I made in this world, what would it be like without me.

Probably a little on the melodramatic side here. It is all to easy to think how little difference you have made etc, but I'll bet you've made a big difference to many people in your life/who have been in your life before. You may not know it, but you hace.

Work 40 Hours a week for most of your youth, go drinking on the weekend......eventually get married have kids and live happily ever after, this is not the life I want or what I expected to be.

It isn't what I wanted to do either. So I don't do it. There is more to life out there, it's just a matter of finding what you want to do, then making changes to make it happen.

I feel as if I have no one to talk to, no one to relate to and anytime someone who I can relate to well comes into my life, they dissapear just as quickly as they came, that has been the case for my whole life, ie moved country/county/died.

Well I've been though it, and still do go through it sometimes. Feel free to PM me if you need to.

Kell

Just a few thoughts-

1) Give up the idea of suicide. It sucks ass. Never ever ever consider doing it or your just a weak f*cker that was afraid to walk the razors edge.

2) Smalltalk is necessary. I like deep and meaningfuls too, but you cant get into a deep and meaningful without waffling about some sh*te or other. When you start up a shallow and meaningless conversation learn to steer it. Otherwise you just get a reputation for being a bore and people will avoid you. Talking about yourself and your interests is good too so long as there is a bit of give and take and it's not just you you you talking about you you you for the night.

End transmission-

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

1) Give up the idea of suicide. It sucks ass. Never ever ever consider doing it or your just a weak f*cker that was afraid to walk the razors edge.

well that's certainly helpful..:rolleyes:


as for smalltalk.. I don't do it, I hate it. if i meet new people I tend to stay quiet until they are talking about something I can talk about, if people think I'm a bore because of it they can go sod

as for wanting a gf, *shrug* you don't actually need one, it isn't a requirement of life or anything

Beruthiel

I am a person who likes to do things with a friend/friends and not so much on my own.

it's is quite normal and natural to move away from friends, people change as they go through life and their expectations become different. Why don't you like to do things on your own, don't you like your own company, I love to have some time to myself for reading, a video, whatever...

I have very little to say and I hate small talk, I prefer deep and meaningful Conversations

small talk is necessary and can be fun, loosen up and let yourself go, if you are just getting to know someone then there is lots to talk about, likes/dislikes, musical taste, films, hobbies etc - it's not deep and meaningful but necessary in order to get to know someone and it shows interest in them.
I also love deep conversations but you cannot expect to jump into one of those on first meeting someone it takes a little time.

I could do the whole one night stand thing but I am sick of it, its boring meaningless and always leads to me ignoring the girl afterwards, where she is interested in trying to make something out of it.

One night stands can be totally impersonal and can leave a bad taste in the mouth (no pun intended! ) do it differently, if you meet someone on a night and you like them, don't sleep with them, take their number, call them later, meet them again, take it slow, perhaps you will find this approach more fulfilling.

From this I have lost all confidence in Myself

what you need is a night out with the Boards.ie crew!

I just can't be myself anymore its like I am wearing a mask.

make a mental note to stop wearing the mask, be yourself! after all - you want to be liked for you, not for someone you are trying to be.

what difference have I made in this world

do you feel you are required to make a difference? why can't you just 'be'?
nothing more is expected from you than to try and be happy

what would it be like without me

why don't you ask your family, I bet their answers would make you all warm and fuzzy inside!!

is this really life? this is not the life I want or what I expected to be.


what did you expect it to be??
change it, you have that power!

Clintons Cat

yeah kind of relate to much of whats been said here at one time or another.Some of this has already been mentioned so appologies for retreading the same ground.

In the past few years I have drifted away from alot of friends and I am now very distant, when they call me or when I see them i feel as if I have absoloutely nothing to say to them, I was always a bit quiet, but now I feel as if I will never open up to anyone again and that thought scares the complete sh1t out of me.

why did I drift away? Well their only interests are getting drunk and doing drugs, which is not my scene, I like being active and doing things, Ive tried constantly to motivate them for various things but all in Vein.

Its a bummer alright,but people change but from the sound of it you havent really got that much in common with them except that for a period of your life you all shared the same social circle.People move on, its called maturing.

I am a person who likes to do things with a friend/friends and not so much on my own.

Think about joining a club or enrole on a night course in a subject that intrests you,that way you will meet people who share an intrest with you.

I feel so lonely and Isolated, I have not had a girlfriend for over a year because I find when I go out with women, again I have very little to say and I hate small talk, I prefer deep and meaningful Conversations, but this means opening up to a person which I just cant.

I could do the whole one night stand thing but I am sick of it, its boring meaningless and always leads to me ignoring the girl afterwards, where she is interested in trying to make somthing out of it.

Smalltalk is not an Irrelevence it is the way we as human beings through the cut and parry of social intercourse make our value judgements about a person.Dont dismiss it as shallow or worthless,by being withdrawn you are subliminally sending out a very powerful message that means people are more likely to be guarded towards you.

From this I have lost all confidence in Myself (although I am told great looking bloke etc.....)
I just can't be myself anymore its like I am wearing a mask.
A few months back the thought of suicide passed through my mind now and again, but I dont think I could ever go through with such an act mainly because I think it is too selfish and the stress it would cause to my family and friends would not be fair.
So from this I think, Jesus I wish I had never existed, what difference have I made in this world, what would it be like without me.

This is something you will have to work through on your own,but very few people make a lasting impression on the world,what you will ultimately be remembered for is the impression you make on the lives of those around you.

I find myself thinking all the time, is this it, is this really life?

Work 40 Hours a week for most of your youth, go drinking on the weekend......eventually get married have kids and live happily ever after, this is not the life I want or what I expected to be.

I am generally happy person, be then The above creeps into my mind now and again and it gets me so down .

I dont think anyone sets out in life to end up working in an office,its just something that happens whilst your busy making other plans.(

Kudos John Lennon

)

I feel as if I have no one to talk to, no one to relate to and anytime someone who I can relate to well comes into my life, they dissapear just as quickly as they came, that has been the case for my whole life, ie moved country/county/died.

I really dont know what to think anymore, what to do and how.

Its a vicious circle but at the end of the day you have to make the decision to actively break it,no one is going to take an interest in you unless you make the effort to take an interest in their lives.
Dont underestimate the power of small talk and other esential non verbal interpersonal skills such as smiling,
It is scientifically proven that smiling makes people more inclined to spend more time in your presence.Not only does smiling release chemicals to the brain which induce pleasure but the recipient also feels a sense of well being.
A good place to brush up on your inter personal skills is the book manwatching by Desmond Morris,a very entertaining read.

bombidol

To be honest with you, ive felt like that on a lot of occasions, ive felt reality kick the ****e out of me in the morning when i try to glue the day together. I have a girlfriend at the moment although things are far from good with us. I find myself asking why am i getting out of bed in the morning cause im just going to do what i done yesterday and the day before and on and on. The one thing i hate about life is the monotony of work, i feel ill in the mornings when i look out the window to see all the faceless shells walking in the same direction towards the job. but things have changed recently, ive started looking for a new job, and im not taking the most "Suitable" one or whatever if i have to work, it might as well be something that ill enjoy. Ive channelled all my energy into the band and the **** feelings have transformed into great music and great lyrics. I know how you feel, life is ****ed up it really is, but i dont believe in fate, i think we can all shape the outcome of our life, we can decide yes or no, theres always a choice id you look at the bigger picture. You are not a faceless goon and you are not a number, you will rise above and overcome, and the day you can say that to yourself is the day that things will start to change.

nillis

"Man is least himself when he speaks in his own person, give him a mask and he will tell you the truth"
-Oscar Wilde.

I feel that you must engage in small talk my friend. I do not like it, in fact I used not to do it at all, but it is absolutely necessary especially if you want to meet people. If you just relax and use a little humor and sarcasm you might actually enjoy it.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thanks for all the advice, that all just seemed to burst out of me when I wrote which felt very good at the time.

About the suicide remark, it has only creeped into my mind on rare occasions I could never go through with it, its the easy way out of problems.


Having a girlfriend is important, I like being around women, but my problem these days is my confidence with them has been shattered in the past year. I had a lot of women friends growing up and now I am not in contact with any of them, maybe I just need a friend of the opposite sex, I certainly miss having them.
I feel this is related to my other problems and mainly not having somone to confide in and generally open up and talk about these things, I have bottled up all my emotions and feelings for just over a year now.

Then I end up saying stupid things which I regret later on because of how uncomfortable I feel.


I was out having a few drinks with a few of these friends last night and I felt like a stranger at the table .

Does anybody have an idea of what kind of price you are talking for counselling or other treatment?

Ive decided to join a few clubs to try meet people I can relate to better, maybe that is my problem I feel very uneasy which leads to a lack of confidence when talking to people who I feel I cannot relate to. maybe.

Buffy I really apreciate the offer and I may take you up on it in due time, for the moment I am a bit embarrased to pm you about such things.


There are times where I wish I was just an animal with no feelings and that I just went about my life as nature intended it to be, not with all the complications are everyday life itself.

Thank you for all the advice, it was greatly apreciated.

BuffyBot

Originally posted by unhappy1
Buffy I really apreciate the offer and I may take you up on it in due time, for the moment I am a bit embarrased to pm you about such things.

No worries, you are welcome and anytime, the offer stands

The Sweeper

I think there comes a time in the life of every intelligent person when they say "What am I here for? Is this it??" Unhappy unregi, I have no idea what age you are etc., I would assume early twenties since that's the time around which that sort of 'life's worth' wrecking ball can hit.

It is, indeed, incredibly depressing to look around you and think "2.4 kids, semi-d house, labrador dog, volvo". If you really are incredibly unhappy, then it's time to do two things,

1. Be brave.
2. Be selfish.

Concentrate on you first, be selfish and put yourself on the path to doing things you want to do. This will increase your confidence and have a knock-on positive effect on the rest of your life.

You will have to work in your life. Decide what sort of things you like to do and investigate the notion of making a job out of them. If you feel stifled where you live at the moment, look into moving. And I don't mean up the road. Take the bull by the horns and look at travelling. This is where bravery comes in. If you can decide on the sort of job you want, save a bit and head off to try and do that job in another country, you get a completely new start. New people, new place, new you.

Some people may disagree with me and say that that's "running away", but the way I look at it, the planet's enormous, and my home town Bray is very, VERY small. Why would I stay in Bray? I wouldn't. At the moment I'm in the UK. It's working out for me, but I don't want to stay here. A year or two yes, or even three, but not for the rest of my life.

Not when there are places like Istanbul, Vancouver, New Zealand, Oman. Maybe I'll hate them when I get there. (One thing you do learn travelling is that everywhere you go is full of people who want to be somewhere else.)

The only two obstacles in your life to doing and being whatever and whoever you want to be are money and courage. Getting some money together shouldn't be too hard if you're young and haven't committed to debts etc. Then all you need to do is have courage.

This may sound a little off topic, but it occurs to me that your whole post had a general air of dissatisfaction. You're dissatisfied with your former circle of friends, what your life seems to offer you and what you can do to open up to other people. Hence I don't think you should force intimacy on people you don't know, I don't think you should 'join a club', or 'get out more', or 'play some sport'. I think you should take a day to write out all of the things you'd love to do, or be, however unlikely and then really investigate how you can get to that point.

When you are who you want to be, everything else justabout falls into place.

I have started doing this in my own life, although unfortunately about five years later than I should have and while saddled with debts. Still, I'm much happier than I ever have been. If I can do it, any muppet can.

LegacyUser

You never actually realise how important happiness is until it's gone. I know that's a cliché, but it's true.

It's when you start thinking about how little you've done, how little you have and how little you are that you understand that ignorance really is bliss. But unfortunately you just can't go back to how it was and you can't get the endless thoughts of no hope, no future, no point out of your head.

There's nothing but loneliness, darkness and either a feeling of absolute numbness or intense agony. And there's no escape.

Greenbean

Something I'm only slowly learning is that you HAVE to make an effort with people. You have to go through the small-chat and you have to do a bit of ground work for just about all relationships to work. Also if you look around your group of recent friends you'll probably find a few pathetic fools who hate it too, but do it to stay with the crowd. At least you don't do that.

Someone sternly making no effort to speak when introduced to a group of uknowns is one of the most frustrating things in the world. You have to try, otherwise you are sending out signals that they are not worth talking to. Even if you aren't thinking it, people will then assume you are quietly withholding a dislike of them. And just because they are making small chat doesn't mean they like it either, most people would rather feel comfortable and chat about more interesting things.

Also Madge talks sense. Get out of the comfort zone, scare yourself and make a change to your life. Something most people need to do if they don't want to end up in the direction their lives seem to be heading.

domeara01

one thing you must realise is that life goes on and that will never change. if you commit suicide you wont know what the future holds whereas if you dont you will realise just how good life really is. i know because i was once there. no confidence and thinking that there is no real point in living and to be quiet honest i get that way sometimes now but suicide is not the way to go. live life to the fullest and do not dwell on the troubles of the past. that is all you can do. if you live for today then you will see how good life can be.