Is it love ... ?

LegacyUser · 03-01-2003 1:09pm #1

Ive always hated the "does she like me ?" , "how do i make a first move" type post ... but im sorry to say i need some similar advice.

Right , well im with my girlfriend nearly 2 years now and i still dont know if i love her, sometimes im a definite yes and other times im unsure. I know she is in love with me and i think she needs to hear me say it.

Now ive never been in love so maybe i dont know what it is, i get jelaous if she mentions her ex , i get jealous she will cheat when she goes out without me and i look forward to seeing her all the time but ive heard people say that if you dont know your in love then your not .... so am i just being a typical bloke ? Will my feelings become more defined ? Or do you reakon its going nowhere ?

All help/advice appreciated

Gordon · 03-01-2003 1:27pm

It's a bad sign that you get jealous so easily. Maybe you covet her?

I don't think you should say that you love her, it doesn't seem that you do. Does that bother you?

Typedef · 03-01-2003 1:33pm

so am i just being a typical bloke

Yes.

You know, right about now is when I'd say "If you were in love with her, you'd know", which is probably true, if you thought you were in love wiht her you'd know.

..... but, life teaches us that women in fact are poison and if you allow yourself to be fooled into thinking you are in love with one, then you deserve everything you get.

ThreadKiller · 03-01-2003 1:36pm

Originally posted by Unreg
Ive always hated the "does she like me ?" , "how do i make a first move" type post ... but im sorry to say i need some similar advice.

Everybody needs advice sometime

Originally posted by Unreg
Right , well im with my girlfriend nearly 2 years now and i still dont know if i love her, sometimes im a definite yes and other times im unsure. I know she is in love with me and i think she needs to hear me say it.

If you haven't said it yet in two years then I'd say no you're not, "I Love You" is very easy to say, but very hard to mean

Originally posted by Unreg
Now ive never been in love so maybe i dont know what it is, i get jelaous if she mentions her ex , i get jealous she will cheat when she goes out without me and i look forward to seeing her all the time but ive heard people say that if you dont know your in love then your not .... so am i just being a typical bloke ? Will my feelings become more defined ? Or do you reakon its going nowhere ?

If you're in love... In TRUE love, then you'll know, there's no way to describe it, it's different for everyone, but it's like when you see the hottest chick ever & you think "yeah she's hot, but I'm going home to (insert SO's name here)"

The Jelous thing would concern me though, has she given you any reason to be jelous ?

All help/advice appreciated [/B][/QUOTE]

Sorry if I'm not the clearest, but I hope I've helped

LegacyUser · 03-01-2003 1:36pm

To be honest yes it does bother me that i cant put a definite yes or no on my feelings.

I dont think i get jealous easily, its not like i get angry jealous or anything , i just feel uncomfortable if she mentions her ex. I think those reactions show i have strong feelings for her , why it bother me if i didnt love her ? But then i still find it hard to definitly say yes , i love her , shes the one etc etc

Sometimes i just miss going out on the pull , and then i feel really guilty for thinking that ... i know i care deeply for her but when do you know when thats love ? Maybe i am , but the fact i dont know bothers me

Kell · 03-01-2003 2:12pm

I honestly dont think jealousy is an indication of strong feelings for someone. I get jealous if my fianceés dog goes to her first and not me and I dont have deep feelings for him. At least I hope I dont! Jealousy can be down to purely a confidence thing or lack there of. Love is a really funny old thing. Have a good long hard think about whether you want to say it or not- I used to brandish it about like nobodies business until I realised the real impact of the words. Then I started not saying it, then sparingly now all the time, but I am comfortable that I mean it. If you dont mean it and she is there for comfort factor and a regular lay, then she might be better of without you (no disrepect), so you may as well cut the ties.

Xterminator · 03-01-2003 5:57pm

I think all this "If your in love you'll know it " is absolute ****e!"

Sometimes you dont realise what u have till its gone. And that includes love.

As for missing going out on the pull, the thrill of sex with a new partner, nites with your mates, and all the other things like that ... I'd say that perfectly natural.
I challange anyone in a long term relationship to say the honestly never missed any of those.

The question is 'is she worth it?'

Does the though of not being able to see her anymore strike a chord?
You mention you dont like hearing about her x, etc, but how much more would it mean to you if you were the x, and another bloke was were you should be? Could you deal with that?

Now if thats not a big deal, then youve answered the question yourself, other wise, do a bit of soul searching.

X

LegacyUser · 03-01-2003 6:15pm

Cheers for all the advice guys ... Ive always found PI a good oul read and a laugh , never really "used" it till now.

Anyway, Xterminator you point really got me thinking, no i couldnt handle not seeing her again and i certainly couldnt handle her moving on if i was out of the picture.

Definitly time for some sole searching ... or maybe another beer

Anyway thanks guys

Mercury_Tilt · 03-01-2003 10:03pm

This post has been deleted.

McGinty · 03-01-2003 10:58pm

I am not sure if I subscribe to the theory of you know when your in love, due to some undefinable feeling. But then again, maybe it exists. At the moment, your girlfriend is right for you, that is all there is at the moment. I feel what xterminator says makes alot of sense.

Don't forget that just because you are in a relationship, that doesn't stop you from a) seeing friends and b) window shopping. You might like what you see, but you know you won't buy, however if you find yourself falling for someone else, well then your not in love with your current girlfriend.

Good luck with the soul searching.

PS: Don't mind the cynics here.

thedrowner · 05-01-2003 3:20pm

i'd have to agree with xterminators post. some people feel an overwehlming feeling described as love, some people dont, some people kind of grow to love each other and then realise that they dont want to be without eachother, (imo, anyway). i think thats what you have to ask yourself. realise you want to stay with her and how happy she makes you nand maybe that will put things in perspective and you'll see that you do love her. (or vice versa....)

Beruthiel · 06-01-2003 3:18pm

Originally posted by Typedef
life teaches us that women in fact are poison and if you allow yourself to be fooled into thinking you are in love with one, then you deserve everything you get.

LOL - Typie, I hope some day it happens to you and you have to re-define the whole love thing!

as said before unreggie... imagine life without her, is it possible?
when you are in a relationship for a long time it can become a little 'same ol' same ol' and some effort must be made to keep it fresh - at this stage, the grass looks greener on the other hill, 'till you get there that is and then you just wanna go back to where you came from.
Does she still ring the right bells for ya, are you both still on the same wavelength?
Are you happy with her? if so, what's the percentage out of a 100? No relationship is perfect all the time, I think deep down in your gut you probably know the answer, think long and hard about it before you decide what to do, this way you need not regret what you do next.

lili · 08-01-2003 11:21am

hmm...
if you have only her in your head, might be a sign i guess:)
by the way, i'm agree whit the beruthiel analyse.

Runfree · 08-01-2003 11:59am

if you were in love you would have know by now. Maybe talking to her might help.

Maybe explain the situation take a break 4 a month or so and see if it is still her you want. Its a good method but can cause alot of upset between couples

memphis · 08-01-2003 5:07pm

Its very hard for me (or indeed anyone else) to say whether or not you are in love with her. All I can say is that it "sounds" like you don't actually love her.

what i'm getting from reading between the lines here is that you are getting uneasy in this relationship. That is never good, maybe you should consider splitting up, or even do as Runfree says above, take time out, and then see if this girl is really the one you want.

Best of luck!!!!

GUI · 11-01-2003 4:15pm

simply you know when your in love

if you have any doubts you are
means your not!

Gavin · 11-01-2003 4:39pm

Originally posted by GUI_XP
simply you know when your in love

if you have any doubts you are
means your not!

don't talk ****e. Everyone isn't the same.

Gav

lili · 11-01-2003 4:46pm

huh?!
i'm ok with guy xp.
if you have a doubt, means you are not in love.

Shad0r · 11-01-2003 7:13pm

Yep I didnt used to be but now am a subscriber to the theory that if your in love you'll know it.

GUI · 12-01-2003 12:23am

thanks for the backup guys :-)

PiE · 12-01-2003 3:59am

It's not about whether you're in love or not.

It's about whether you can do better or not.

JustHalf · 12-01-2003 4:24am

That wasn't the question posed.

Here's the tricky thing... what makes "love" different from "in love"? There should be some criteria gained from the answer to this that can be used to judge your current predicament.

And when I am tired, I ramble in a tongue tainted with a strain of almost archaic English.

lili · 12-01-2003 8:51am

well, answer to this questionnaire and i will tell you if you really in love:)

1 do you make shopping with her with real pleasure?
2 do you think any hour spended whithout her is a waste of time?
3 do you let her drive your car without apprehension?
4 do you let her put her freezed feet against your legs in the bed when it's very cold?
5 do you think she is the most beautiful whatever she wear on or the morning when she wakes up?

if you answer yes to those questions, means you are in love.

more serious questions to come:D
(the number 2 was a serious one:))

thedrowner · 13-01-2003 11:38am

Originally posted by Shad0r
Yep I didnt used to be but now am a subscriber to the theory that if your in love you'll know it.

i used to be a suscriber to the theory but now im not. coz i *knew* i was in love with a guy and made all sorts of promises and then dumped him shortly after. now i kinda feel that it's a progress that takes a while to get into and you've to give it a chance, or it'll burn out.

Is it love ... ?

Comments