Student Metaphors

Dustaz

This is the first email ive got in a while thats really made me LOL

Metaphors from Student Essays

You could not make them up ...

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

3. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

4. McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

5. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

6. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre

7. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

8. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

9. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

10. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

11. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

12. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

13. The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a
play.

14. The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

15. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

16. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

17. The plan was simple, like my mate Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

18. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

19. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.

20. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

21. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

22. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

24. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

25. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating
electric fan set on medium.

26. It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

27. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

28. She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

29. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

30. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

31. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

32. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

tman

22. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

very good, got a good roffle off the one i quoted

Funky

haha made me laugh more than any other jokes ever on this board

Pugsley

12. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

ROFL, some very feckin good oens in there!

Karl Hungus

OMFG! That's seriously brilliant...
I really did laugh out very loud!

irishman_abroad

speaking as a student myself ROFL!:D

Sangre

Heehee a genuine lol there so i think it deserves a.....ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

_sheep

best thing ive read in ages

bozzie

Originally posted by Dustaz

4. McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

LOL the pain as my mouthful of coke is spillt all over me and my keyboard causing a short that drops me to my knees which leaves my chin hitting the table rendering me unconcious .............


anyway some funny **** in there

Wolf

17. The plan was simple, like my mate Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

pure brilliance!!!!

Squall

Got those in an email awhile back. Some classics. I had a couple from the leaving cert. Ill have to have a look round and see if i can dig them up.

superconor

RATFLMFAO!

unbelieavable!

im gonna use them in my english assingnments!

oeNeo

Can't stop laughing here!

Eye

it's 2:10am, my parents are asleep and here is me trying not to wake them as i laugh queitly, holding it back as much as i can but as a side affect have tears streaming down the side of my face.....

29. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

class

Qualm

While the page was loading, having seen the title of "Student Metaphors", I was expecting lines like:

Student: "I might go to the library to study"
Real meaning: "I will most likely end up in the pub dribbling on myself"

But still, an eggsellent collection hehe

*NemesiS*

class