Homosexuality Vs Hetrosexual male fantasy

hedgetrimmer

Hi,

First off, this mail is a genuine query, and not intended to be offensive in any way whatsoever.

Most men, myself included, have sexual fantasies about men. I am gennerally not sexually attracted to men, but have engaged in limited homosexual activity, and enjoy the idea.

I am not sure if this constitutes bisexuality, or where the line is drawn, if any. What is a bisexual male?

Further, from talking to gay friends over the years (I am very few close gay friends these days - the break ups after college), I got the feeling that bi men were somewhat shunned from gay communities. Is this the case? If so, why?

Thanks in advance for any replies
C

meglome

Talking with my gays friends including my flatmate, the amount of times someone has said they met this 'straight' guy. There seems to be quite a lot of supposedly straight men out there that dabble in homosexuality. Whether or not that makes them gay, bi or just uncertain I don’t know either nor has anyone else managed to tell me.

I've never heard any of my friends mention that they had a problem with people who are 'bi' but maybe that's just them.

[Edit] I can honestly say that I can never remember having a gay fantasy. I don't think I'd care if I did but I'm not even slightly interested. [/Edit]

swiss

Hmm, when I read the "Homosexuality Vs Heterosexual male fantasy" title I suspected something a little more graphic .

Most men, myself included, have sexual fantasies about men

Better duck. Most men will swear blind that this is most definitely not the case. I too wonder how many of them are actually being 100% truthful with this assessment.

What is a bisexual male?

This is self explanatory. However, I have heard of the term bi-curious being used, and it seems applicable here. Although I have no personal experience in this regard, there is a school of thought that advocates that a person's sexuality can vary in a "scale" of heterosexuality to homosexuality. If you have a sexual attraction to another male, then you are definitely demonstrating homosexual traits. If you have a sexual attraction to females as well, then I would say you were bi-sexual. This term however, is a little ambiguous, as it implies half - half attraction to both sexes, while this may not always be the case.

Think of it as having the best of both worlds .

I got the feeling that bi men were somewhat shunned from gay communities.

I wouldn't go quite this far, but I do get an impression (perhaps imagined) that bi-sexual people are viewed by some among the gay community as people who "can't make their minds up", or that their inclinations lie towards other males, but society and cultural indoctrinations make them believe they also have a more 'natural' inclination towards females. I do not believe this is always warranted, I don't know the mindset of someone ostensibly bisexual well enough to comment, and even if I did I could hardly speak for all bisexual males.

hedgetrimmer

thanks for your comments guys

I can understand why men, who are "primarily" hetrosexual would never admit to having a gay fantasy, but god bless Nancy Friday and her ilk (something I'd love to do, btw, and expand upon) for publishing fantasies an making 2 generations realise that they were not alone in their fantasies.

I have heard the term bi-curios too, and perhaps it is applicable here. Let me say I have no problems with this, I am aware of my attractions, and have explored them, I just wanted and value the opinions of an Irish (primarily) online gay/bi community. I like the best of both worlds comment

I, too, have often though of sexuality being a sliding scale, or closer to my interpretation, a metronome with hetrosexuality and one end and homosexuality at the other, and people at some point along the pendulum swing, even if only at one of the "extremes" od homo/hetro sexuality.

Again, thanks for the comments guys, food for thought....

DeVore

My view of sexuality is this:

Everyone is X% attracted to the opposite sex.
Everyone is 100-X% attracted to the same sex.

X can range from 0-100.

Trust a mathematician to work out an equation for something like that


DeV.

hedgetrimmer

Us Arts graduates will have no truck with your desensitising, evil witchcraft and science malarky

It kills the romance

DeVore

Yeah but trust an Arts student to have gay fantasies!!





(heheheh Ok, ok I know, yellow card for trolling but come on... I mean, I couldnt resist it )) )



I'll go stand in the Bad Admins corner again... *sniff*...

DeV.

Talliesin

I got the feeling that bi men were somewhat shunned from gay communities. Is this the case? If so, why?

It's the case to some extent. There are a few different reasons.

1. Some people are just bigotted assholes who don't like anyone not like themselves, you get these people in the Gay community as well as amongst heteros (I'd like to think there were fewer though).
2. Many lesbians and gay men have a lot of issues around sexual identity (probably most during the "coming out to myself" period). Bisexuals are just another complication!
3. There can be a similar "I just don't understand it" reaction to that many straights have towards gays. (Personally I've never understood straights or gays, but there seems to be plenty of monosexuals around so it can't be that weird )
4. There is a certain mistrust ("When the going gets tough the bisexuals get back in the closet").
5. It's often said that "everyone is bisexual really". Some feel that such statements undermine any sense of gay identity or gay culture, and that can lead to resentment against those who actually are bisexual.

In this country there's also possibly envy that bis are less restricted to the Ireland's crap gay scene
I have actually heard gay men describe bi-sexuality as "unnatural"!

Everyone is X% attracted to the opposite sex.
Everyone is 100-X% attracted to the same sex.

That's pretty much the Kinsey Scale (although it went from 0-6 rather than 0-100). Kinsey later added an "X" category for people who weren't attracted to either sex (such people could enjoy sex with other people, but they weren't attracted to them per se).

Talliesin

Oh this might be germaine to this thread:

Bi-Irish Homepage

hedgetrimmer

Thanks for the link to the site. Sadly the contact detail link appears to be dead. Do they have any contact information publicised?

Talliesin

Hmm. It's a few years since I last met any of that crowd actually.

According to GCN they are having meetings first tuesday of each month at Outhouse. That said when I was involved in running a LGB group it took me a year to have the GCN listing for that group updated. (Then again GCN's all interwebby these days, so maybe these things are easier to update now).

hedgetrimmer

the place on Capel Street?

Talliesin

Em, unless they moved it

(Not entirely a joke, I didn't hear about the Parliament closing until it happened and all of a sudden my local had turned into a completely different pub!).

STaN

I personally am a bit wary of Bi-sexual people.

Basically if they are around the 50/50 mark, they are attracted to pretty much anything decent with 2 legs and i think that can breed insecurities in any partner they have

hedgetrimmer

I would argue that if such an orientation breeds insceurities in a partner, then that is as much the partner's personal issue. Myself and my partner are quire happy at present, and yes she knows of my concerns regarding bi-sexuality. It has caused no insecurities.

And I'm not sure if bi-sexuality is 50/50... a lot of bisexual people seem to have a preferencefor one gender, but a "vested" interest in sexual relations with the other gender

Talliesin

Personally I wouldn't say it's so much "50/50" as "100/100".
"50/50" sounds too much like you have to have relations with both sexes or something would be missing.
I've known bisexuals who behaved that way, but I just dont find someone's sex to be part of whether I find them attractive or not.

STaN

I didnt mean to imply that all bisexual people were 50/50, instead i said that if this was the case, that such a situation could arise where that partner, knowing this could be wary of any friend that this person had, male of female.

Also it is highly unlikely that they would be 50/50 and im sure there is a higher percentage of 80/20 or whatever, it was just a point im making

DeVore

Originally posted by STaN
I personally am a bit wary of Bi-sexual people.

Basically if they are around the 50/50 mark, they are attracted to pretty much anything decent with 2 legs and i think that can breed insecurities in any partner they have

Yeah because if there are only 3 billion people you can run off with thats SOOOOOoooOOoo much more secure then if there are 6 billion potentials...

*boggle*


DeV.

STaN

LOL

so drastic...

i was just reflecting on what it would be like to be 50/50, where u see anything with 2 legs as an equal an potential lover

Shinji

i was just reflecting on what it would be like to be 50/50, where u see anything with 2 legs as an equal an potential lover

Um.

I'm a little concerned by the insinuation that gay guys see every man as a potential lover, and straight guys see every woman as a potential lover. That's simply not the case.

Talliesin

was just reflecting on what it would be like to be 50/50, where u see anything with 2 legs as an equal an potential lover

On the contrary, it allows me to be twice as picky.

hedgetrimmer

I would think that people who have had to go against hetrosexual convention, for want of a (much) better term might be more aware of partners and therefore less likely to go for anything with two legs.

Especially Emu

(sorry, but I *do* have a sense of humour)

Dustaz

Originally posted by Shinji
Um.

I'm a little concerned by the insinuation that gay guys see every man as a potential lover, and straight guys see every woman as a potential lover. That's simply not the case.

Well, i see every woman i find attractive as a potential lover, its probably the first thing that goes through my head. I certainly dont consider if she may be lesbian. Ive never been sure if thats the same for gay blokes or not.

Maybe one of the real gay mods can answer..... *cough*

Shinji

Well, i see every woman i find attractive as a potential lover

And then you bombard them with text messages until they're really scared of you and get a restraining order... Same old same old

Also - I guess in some ways it's like that for some gay guys then. The same spectrum of attitudes to sex and sexuality is covered in the gay community as you find in the straight community. Me, I've always found physical attraction to be only a minor part of sexual attraction so I guess that exists on both sides of the divide just as your attitude does.

hedgetrimmer

Well, lots of people's initial reaction to others is a physical take on them, the physical is the first thing that is seen, and that is inexorably linked to the sexual.

But there is, IMO, a disctinction between that and actually wanting to shag someone, I think. The latter comes after you actually make a contact other than the physical.

Unless, of course, that person folds in 3 places and has staples...