What I learned from watching porn

Mad_Patrick

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy f*cks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't have sex unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of sh!t out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's c0cks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f*cking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's c0ck, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c0ck there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Pep

Its surprising how educational porn really is they should show it in schools cos that some vital info

irishman_abroad

Monty Python ahead of the game again

Carbiens

Originally posted by Mad_Patrick


13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

rofflmao

make it stop

tman

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

lmao, they're all so true

milltown

31. There's no such thing as "Cuddling" in a normal relationship.

Zanza

Originally posted by Mad_Patrick
1. Women wear high heels to bed.

I always wondered about that..

Evil Jose

Hate to admit it, but I found those hilarious!! Bloody brilliant!!..................................yet bold (in a good way);)

memphis

I read these at lunch time today and what ya know, I'm still laughing now over 3 hours later.

Very bold, but funny

The Gopher

Women never insist the man wears a connie
Annoying music and slow motion scenes start playing(on American porn anyway,though mostly softcore only)
The term "bored housewives"is inexplicable-it makes no sense that husbands refuse to shag these women despite the fact they are usually rides
And on a related topic plumbers,cable tv installers and any sort of delivery men in general get the most sex in the world
Most American porn has a plot which takes up the first 10 minutes of the film:eek: :mad:
No woman has ever objected to being referred to as a"stupid bitch"or "f`ucking slut"during the shagging.Refer to your wife or g/f as a bitch/whore/slut infront of her and see how long it takes to be kicked out of bed:D
A woman will start to les up with her best friend at her boyfriends first request without question(if only real life was like that )
Men never seem to be a bit jealous when they let their three plus friends ride the wife or girlfriend.
Nobody thinks that there is anything slightly gay about 8 men standing naked around one woman having a **** infornt of each other.
When a man fingers a woman there is only minor moans of satisfaction.When two women do it she moans as if she is taking something 20 times bigger than a finger(women must just know how to do it better)
Half of porn seems to have the word"virgins"in the description/title.Tell me how likely is it for a woman to lose her virginity in a porn film.
Women are never nervous of disease when they shag the likes of Ron Jeremy,who has had over 4000 women(though he,and all other professional pornstars,have to get monthly tests)
Women enjoy shagging hairy obese sweaty men like Ron Jeremy
Respectable women who all their lives have stayed faithful to their husbands,been good mothers etc etc suddenly turn into a total slut who likes lesbian shagging..........just for no reason.Honestly,in these films you will hear them say something like"I dont know if I should do this.I love my husband and I have never slept with anybody else"
10 minutes later she is taking part in a huge orgy with 5 men,eating out her female best friend and shouting expletitives which would make Chubby Brown look gentle.
Alot of sex takes place between nurses and patients,despite the fact you are normally in no mood for sex when you are sick.
Female business executives like nothing better than throwing off ugly glasses and their clothes and letting their hair down to reveal that they are actually good looking as soon as everybody has left the office,before engaging in a **** and photocopying their arse.

leeroybrown

hairy obese sweaty men like Ron Jeremy

Huey from the Fun Lovin Criminals was on Graeme Norton's show a year or so ago.

He was asked to indetify someone (based on their voice as far as I remember).

He mistook Paul Daniels (the stupid shortass magician) for Ron Jeremy ... Classic!

Chips Lovell

Good one in the Onion this week on the same topic.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3844/male_orgasm.html

DamienH

these were on here like 2 months ago. But there were 50 of them i think.

byte

Alot of sex takes place between nurses and patients,despite the fact you are normally in no mood for sex when you are sick.

If I were sick in hospital and a student nurse came in gagging for it, I dont' think I'd be able to refuse! It'd perk me up a bit!

JohnK

Originally posted by Mad_Patrick
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of sh!t out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

LMAO
Absolutely Brilliant

leeroybrown

What I learned from watching porn

Put the videos back in the same place so your parents won't notice