Re: Lost Cherry Thread

McGinty

I didn't feel it was fair to add a reply in the 'Lost Cherry Forum', well because I was 11/12 when my cherry was taken from me. I didn't have any choice and when I read your threads I felt angry / sad / I feel I have lost out on all that. I guess I kind of feel bitter but such is life.

I wish it had been different.

Gordon

Sorry to hear that McGinty, I haven't (as far as I know) befriended anyone that was raped. I have a few friends that suffered from sexual abuse, which was parental rape really, it is still traumatic to them many years on. I can only hope that the bitterness goes in time.

Did you alert the authorities at the time? How did it pan out afterwards? I wonder what the systems are like in Ireland concerning rape.

thedrowner

im sorry to hear that mc ginty. like gordon ive never met anyone who was raped. i was felt up by an old man on the bus once (its amazing how many people this has happened to) and that really screwed me over, so i can only imagine how you feel.

WhiteWashMan

i wonder why you felt it nessecary to not only add this, but to create a new topic for it.
and why was it not fair to add it to the thread?

Pepe LeFrits

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
i wonder why you felt it nessecary to not only add this, but to create a new topic for it.
and why was it not fair to add it to the thread?

I think most people know the answer but are afraid to say it...

chernobyl

I honestly have no idea why theres a new thread..but yes i am completely stoopid.

When asked on Saturday: "where do you normally post"
I replied: "what does that mean"

I guess #boards.ie is an "out of brain" experience for me.

Typedef

Hmm don't feel bitter. The question I posed was one asked of curiosity not asked out of malevolence.
It's probably cliche to say this, but if I were you I would most certainly report and charge the party involved, however frequetly due to embarressment and such that doesn't happen. Again that is exactly what should happen, namely charging and imprisonment of offenders and if you haven't already done that, then that is what you should do.

Typedef.

LegacyUser

Going to the Police, in Ireland anyway, isn´t as hard as it would seem. Each station has at least one Guard who has been trained in dealing with these issues and they are extremely good at it.

In my experience they were very eager to arrest my perpetrator but after investigation (it was 18 years later) they found he was dead. They were very understanding though and very easy to talk to.

Most importantly though McGinty is you and your future. You cannot change the past but you can stop it from damaging your life. Ring a rape crisis centre or a help line and go for counciling - it can and will change your life. Its unbelievable the difference its made to mine - I´ve away to go yet, I don´t have the guts to post this under my regular name. Once you´ve made the first step of reaching out for help the rest is easy. This looks like a good first step to me.

Finally its understandable that you´re bitter. You should be really angry about whats happened to you but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

odee

McGinty, very brave post, and an issue with myself when the subject comes up.
I never know what to say.
To be truthful, is to expose yourself, and risk other peoples uncomfortable response.
To lie, just makes it worse.
Hoping you and all other survivors can recover and enjoy the 'official' cherry loss!

DeVore

I've worked with the Guards once to track a bloke who posted a Usenet thread looking for boys to model underwear (which showed up on Boards.ie's Usenet interface and I got a complaint, which lead to my involvement).

The point being they were VERY good at the cop work but not very good at the tracking-through-the-internet-bit. I wouldnt have a problem going to them and telling them what happened. I am pretty sure they will believe it and act on it.

DeV.

ps: If you want to know the end of the story, the man in question is internet literate and mentally disturbed. He doesnt pose a threat believe it or not as he's non-predatory in a way I'm not going to explain here (too long).
He was monitored and several of his "mates" were nailed.
Funnily enough during the tracking bit I made my first contact with Meglome from DNC who's cafe he had used
He was very nice and helpful despite me being very "official" with him hahah...

McGinty

Before I go on, I had best clarify a few points, it has taken me a week to decide what to say/ if to say anything at all, so here goes.

First of all to those who have replied, your kindess and support plus advice has touched me and helped me.

Secondly my reason as to why I didn't post in the original cherry thread was because i enjoyed reading everyone's story, some made me laugh and I also felt some sadness and poignancy and a sense of loss. I think also another reason why I put up another thread is because it is a different issue, maybe a part of me was seeking advice, thoughts and/or help.

Lastly, I guess this is the most important part, whilst, yes I was raped, it was by my half brother. It went on for about eight years, I feel in some sense a horror of talking about it but to quote odee "To be truthful, is to expose yourself, and risk other peoples uncomfortable response. To lie, just makes it worse." decided it for me to talk of it.

With sexual abuse/rape there is this terrible shame (which I can at times feel) and terrible silence. At the moment there is a lot of stuff on the news about clerical abuse and the whole conspiracy of silence. It is this silence that disgusts me. Members of my family know the abuse I have suffered and have placed the blame firmly on my shoulders. I am working my way through these issues and I hope one day I will be able to accept what has happened and learn to live with it and move on.

In some ways I have moved on, my life is good now, I enjoy my work, I have an excellent relationship, my life is relatively stable. I guess at the moment I have to work on my anger and my drinking.

I have not gone to the police, I am too scared to go, nor do I have the strength to handle my family. Maybe one day I will.

Again thanks to everyone's kind words, I really appreciate. One last thing, I think that at the ripe age of 31 I am beginning to enjoy good, loving sex and that pleases me so much, better late than never.

Silent Grape

that was such a nice post, McGinty. i never read here about anyone having been raped/abused etc before. i felt that i could completely relate to somethings u said, although ur much MUCH older than me and im presuming ur a man, but let me know if ur not! i was molested by a freaky asian Big Issues sellar when i was in my car one day two years ago. He came through my window and shoved his hand between my legs. i was so shocked i couldnt move, i was so scared, but eventually i tried to open my door and sort of banged him out the window. im presuming the ppl in the cars behind me assumed he was just chatting to me or something. i didnt realise how much this had affected me till i told my boyfriend a year later and just couldnt stop crying. i still dont know why im so disturbed by it, it wasnt very serious as he didnt get to touch underneath my clothes or anything. Do you or anybody else think its serious? do u think i should report it? i wouldn't be scared to do so, but would it be worth it, and was it a serious enough offense for me to report it? was it an offense at all? when i was sixteen i had unwelcome sexual advances also, but i was too drunk and stoned to know what was really going on. the first time i had 'proper' sex was with one of my best friends last april. i was drunk, he was drunk, it was his first time too and it was DREADFUL. i was still in 'if the man wants me to do it, i have to do it' mode and it was so painful due to the face that my body REALLY knew i didnt want it. it was rape at all though, i was completely willing. i was felt so numb the next day but of course it wasnt my friends fault and i would never, ever make him feel bad about it. he isnt someone id talk to about it either though. soon after that i refound an old relationship and im still with him, which is nice. at first i was stillin said mode when it came to sex, but know he makes sure i want it and he's so brilliant and gentle and sensitive. im so glad that i have him to show me that sex can be good for me as well. life seems to be moving on. lots of what u said about shame and so on still pop up now and then, but sometimes i feel a little proud of myself for getting through so much (i know its not all that much, but it is when ur sixteen/seventeen, and only just starting to think about sexual matters) good luck McGinty, and i think u shud be proud of yourself aswell, because im guessing ur probably a much stronger person for it.

mia xx