5 reasons why not to drink

Benbaz

Does this sound familiar ??????

FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS

Stage 1 - CLEVER

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known
universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your
knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right.
And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for
an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.


Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE

This is when you realise that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the
entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect
stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear
in
mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any
subject under the sun.


Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can
buydrinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can
also make bets at this stage, because of course you are still CLEVER so,
naturally, you will always win. Anyway, it doesn't matter how much you bet
because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you

fancy, in the knowledge that you are clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person
present.


Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those
with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now
INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people
who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have
no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE you are
CLEVER, you're RICH and you're more ATTRACTIVE than they are anyway.


Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything,
because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the
people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see
you. You can also snog the face off them for the same reason. You are also
INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you. You can walk through the
street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you
and because you're still CLEVER you know all the words.


THE FIVE STAGES OF SOBERING UP


Stage 1 - STUPID

As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy the headache, the churning
stomach and the cold sweats, you realise that you have lost not only
several
hours of your life but also the ability to concentrate on anything
whatsoever. You are now STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of 12
hours.


Stage 2 - UGLY

Never entirely happy with the effects of the bathroom mirror first thing
you
are horrified to discover that you have now become even UGLIER than you
previously thought possible. Not only have you bloodshot eyes and a
glorious
collection of spots but you are shaking so much that your grandfather
probably looks healthier. Unfortunately you are still too STUPID to know
better than to try and shave whilst shaking.


Stage 3 - POOR

Having crawled out of bed and got dressed you are about to shamble out the
door when you discover that the money that was to last you the week is now
missing from your wallet. Being STUPID, you have no idea what happened to
it
but the traces of curry on your clothes allow the possibility that you
might
have treated everyone to a takeaway at some point. Alternatively your
pocket
could have been picked or you might have given the taxi driver £150 by
mistake. Rationalising that you couldn't possibly have been that STUPID and
that you would remember being robbed, you come to believe that you were the
only one who bought any food or drinks all night and start to loathe all
your friends.


Stage 4 - FRAGILE

As you are now STUPID, UGLY and POOR, your consequently FRAGILE self-esteem
plummets. Your already FRAGILE physical condition ensures that you feel
liable to shatter if anyone even speaks to you.


Stage 5 - CONSPICUOUS

This is the final stage of sobering up. Unfortunately, everyone can spot
this CONSPICUOUS condition and its cause from a great distance. Even worse,
they know that they can complete your misery by making fun of you, and that
you are too STUPID to retaliate, too FRAGILE to hit them, too POOR to bribe
them and too UGLY to hide.

Dazzer

Brillant

BioHazRd

F***, that's me.......:D

LOL


Bio

Carbiens

oldie but goodie,

it makes me realize why i hate hangovers and also why i miss having one.
haven't been on the piss for a while but it shall be remedied tonight thanks to BioHazRd

Spunog UIE

good un!

tuxy

Originally posted by Benbaz
Does this sound familiar ??????

yup http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=61687&highlight=CONSPICUOUS

Benbaz

For the love of God Tuxx "Get a Life"…….You really didn't need to go to the trouble to find out when and where it was originally posted!!!
I received it as an e-mail, I thought it was funny and I posted it!!! Most people (I think) would of just read it and laughed!!!
Get over yourself you anally retentive twat!!!!.......I'm sorry for being so rude but it just bugs the hell out of me when people feel the need to tell the world that they've heard a joke before.......So What!!!!!

tman

you tell him!
tis a class post tho, it's all soo true:(

tuxy

Originally posted by Benbaz
For the love of God Tuxx "Get a Life

ok ill start working on that now sounds hard

OLDYELLAR

lol , its funny because its true:D