How to make the first move?

LegacyUser

I have recently become single (and have also just revealed to some my true identity). I had my first real night of being 'On The Pull' last week and it really got me thinking about how to hook up with someone of the opposite sex.

I kissed no one. I didn't even talk to anyone outside of our group. I thought that I must be 'a bit rusty' after my previous relationship, but I was never really that much of a player before it. When I am in a group of people that I know, I get on well with them and chat away for the night. When I am in a group of people that I don't know, or talking alone to a girl I don't know I freeze up. I have nothing to say for myself, and end up talking ****e, and being very negative and sarcastic.

I have kissed some girls in my time, and I know that I am not unattractive. When on the dance floor last week there was these two girls dancing near us. One of them was really yummy, and I was staring over at her lots She would often catch my glance, we would make eye contact for an extended moment and that would be that. At one stage some ugly drunk guy came between me and them, and was sleazing onto the girls. They moved away but magically reappeared over beside me again. And that was my night. I was dancing beside this yum girl that to the best of my knowledge was interested in me, and I just froze and felt shivers all through my body when she looked at me.

What would have been the best way to kiss this girl, and to make the first move in general. I have seen lots of people go up to a girl they like and try to kiss the girl by grinding there hips as hard as they can into the girl, be it front or back. That is just sleazy and I don't want to be that kind of guy.

If i see a girl who is attractive is it acceptable to just go up to her and talk to her? I know that I would get that familiar freezing feeling if i were to conider it.

Is there some of SuperTed's magic words that no-one has told me about?

Feel free to flame grill this post all you want.

Beruthiel

They moved away but magically reappeared over beside me again. And that was my night.

well... if that wasn't a hint for you to move your ass, I don't know what she could have done bar throw herself at ya! it was the perfect time to say something like 'phew, all this dancing is making me thirsty, would you like to join me in a drink'........ you can work your way round to the kissing part, that will just happen as you are talking to her

The Corinthian

With the exception of those rare (for us mere mortals) occasions where we’re minding our own business and a woman practically fires herself from a cannon onto our laps, going on the pull is very different to simply going out with your friends. Approaching a woman romantically (either one in your group or ‘cold-calling’ a stranger) is never easy and it’s all too simple for a man to procrastinate in the warmth and safety of the herd until the night is over and it’s too late.

As for an opening chat up line, that’s one of life’s myths. As long as you approach a woman confidently and in a relaxed fashion you can say almost anything. Do not look as if you’ve been stalking them for the last hour working up the courage to talk to them, however noble your intensions may be, that’s just creepy.

When chatting up a woman, do encourage her to talk. People, regardless of gender like talking about themselves. Be pleasant and relaxed. Keep eye contact. Remember, as you’re talking to her, she is debating whether she fancies you or not. She’ll probably change her mind a number of times in the duration of your conversation. That’s her prerogative (“La donna è mobile” to quote another clown ).

There is a point at which you decide to cross the line from polite conversation into a kiss, and this may be approached with a ‘kill line’ designed to make the transition easier for both parties, or just going and doing it. As for when, you should consider body language, eye contact or the fact that she’s laughing at even your worst jokes. Frankly, whenever you feel confidant enough to kiss her, chances are you probably could have done so anyway half an hour earlier. Don’t leave it too late though (see above paragraph).

There’s an old expression that goes ”the price men pay for sex is marriage, the price women pay for marriage is sex”. This has long been no longer the case. Other than discovering that they can actually enjoy sex, women have also found that they can earn a living themselves and no longer need men to support them. However, in a cruel twist of fate, the onus still remains upon men to seduce women, while women, no longer needing the skills in question, have become rusty, not to mention obvious, at any type of seduction. ‘Hopping a guy’ is as close as most get to execute a seduction nowadays.

As such, women are not expecting any behaviour from men that would be in anyway calculated. Thus, for example, you can go out with a (male) friend with the specific intension of seducing a woman to one of the ‘cattle markets’ people euphemistically call nightclubs. With no more than one or two drinks on you, approach a few groups of girls early in the night, chat them up for a bit, then leave them. Have fun with your friend and pass the hours away chatting about football or whatever. Return to one of the groups at the end of the night, by which time (being in Ireland) they’ll be quite drunk and will already have had a non-threatening introduction to you from earlier. You’ll get at least one of the girls from one of the groups this way.

Anyhow, the most important thing to remember is never to fear rejection. The more you fear it, the more it’ll happen. Carpe diem, frater.

Beruthiel

LOL - or you could just do it The Corinthian's* way.....

*The Corinthian = professional shark!

Typedef

For what it's worth, be confident and relaxed and don't get uptight. So what you hit on a girl and she turns you down? Big deal it happens to everyone.

If and when that happens, shrug it off and move on to some other chick. This becomes progressively easier and the more practice you get, the less you get turned down.

How do I usually make the first move? Umm I ask questions, because as The Corinthian rightly pointed out, people like to talk about themselves. Thus, ask about work, family, clothes, music & boy bands, then serrupticiously ask about friends etc, such that you may derive if chick (x) is likely to be single/receptive without actually being obvious and saying "Umm do you have a boyfriend?".

Dress well, I can't emphasise this enough, really if in doubt overdress, and say romantic things. Pass compliments on a chick's hair,clothes,eyes, sense of humour. Look into her eyes and try to look cute, vulnerable, masculine or whatever seems to make sense at the time.

Yes or buy a BMW. You know a BMW is really good for picking up air headed chicks and umm so what? Example "Hey baby... want to come take a ride in my love machine?" and "Yes of course I'm Batman", work on several different levels.

DeadBankClerk

Say good citizen, you could be my assistant. Would you like that? Would you like to ride with batman?

LegacyUser

flash the wallet and shes all yours

DeadBankClerk

Being able to dance like a tap-dancer from a fifty's musical and sing like Frank Sinatra would be teh win

LegacyUser

I dunno, I find that the best things always come to those who wait. If you have to force yourself into any situation, or force yourself to click with someone, then you've blown it.

When the time comes, it'll just happen.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Unregistered
I dunno, I find that the best things always come to those who wait. If you have to force yourself into any situation, or force yourself to click with someone, then you've blown it.

When the time comes, it'll just happen.

No. That's not really true. Nothing 'just happens'. People make things happen; otherwise others will make them happen for you, or not for you as the case may be.

I can understand caution or discretion in many situations, but not in the above. Fear of failure, which is your motive, is the mantra of procrastination.

WhiteWashMan

stop worrying about looking foolish and you will have no problems....

Beruthiel

or...

he who hesitates,
masturbates...

Kairo

I never hesitate to masturbate.

Typedef

hey good for you.