just need some advice

LegacyUser

i need some advice how to go about pursuing women properly , for some reason i just am so lazy about trying to get to know them etc.

i might be absolutely crazy about a girl and she shows signs of interest but whether im too shy or lazy i barely bother trying to talk to her except for the odd chat and usually she assumes im not interested.

probably sounds like a pubescent teenage problem but its quite annoying and any advice would be excellent

cheers

Its pretty obvious . Don't be so feking lazy and make an effort. Good luck

leeroybrown

If you really like her then you might as well make the effort.

Laziness isn't relly the thing I usually think of when someone doesn't try that bit harder to get off with someone.

STaN

Fake confidence!

Jim

im with dave/stan, fake confidence, every single girl ive talked to says its confidence, always confidence.

and since ur shy / lazy i doubt u have much of it, so just fake it man.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Unregistered
i need some advice how to go about pursuing women properly , for some reason i just am so lazy about trying to get to know them etc.

If you couldn't be bothered, then don't. If evolution had allowed lazy people to breed in sufficient quantities, we'd never have been arsed climing down from the trees.

Failing that assume that all women find you attractive. Logically, we know this cannot be true, but it will make it easier for you to approach the ones that might.

Typedef

Originally posted by Dave|STaN
Fake confidence!

This is by far the best plan.

If she rather cruely turns you down, then, laugh it off at the time, then once you get home, you can lambaste yourself for hours or (even days) about how if you had done x,y or z things differently in (n) ways there might have been a branching possibility said girl would have given in.....

That or chase her till she calls the cops or you score *

*Warning this has never worked for me, but there is always a first time.......

STaN

TBH you spot people oozing confidence in themselves and you will notice that these people make friends easy and meet partners easy. Anyone can be one of these, looks only have a SMALL part to play (sure look at Liza Minelli ) , and this is where people get frustrated and put hours into getting ready, getting the best clothes. I'm not the best looking guy in the world but if i go out i go out to have fun. I look for fun and dont let it find me. I suppose its a get up and go attitude and you cant fo wrong with it. If you adopt it you dont have to ne active all the time, sure i sleep on till about 2pm somedays

But its a not so well known fact that people are attracted to confidence and a lack of such is quite a BIG turn off.

If you dont have confidence naturally pretend you do and eventually over time it will turn into real confidence. Some1 told me this once and its always stayed in my head and ive been putting it into practice and it works. Get out there and get em :cool:

smiles

Its true, confidence is everything.

Example: Does anyone else find that when they're with someone that they seem to have more offers from other people?

The reason is that when you've a partner people tend to be more confident (teenagers anyway in general) -- and so people are more attracted to you. kinda crazy!

<< Fio >>

cournioni

Right, I'm a fairly negative sorta dude and I haven't got an inch of confidence in me. I need more examples people!!! Define the type of confidence they like the most please.

STaN

right are your a teenager firstofall?

Right ill give u a few examples..

1.

you in a pub, there are very few people dancing. Your with a couple of mates, some girls some fella's. Dance, ask your m8's onto the dance floor, dont be shy about it, just pretend like theres no1 else there. I think people lack confidence because they care too much about what other people think of you. If you get dirty looks from some1 u prolly wouldnt have liked that person anyway. Like i said above its a GET UP AND GO FOR IT attitude. Go find fun.

2.

Your in a pub. Its pretty packed. You see a group of people and you like some1 in the group. Go up to them and join in. ... Now you probably think im mad. But the likelyhood is that youll never see these people again. So who cares if they dont like you? The worst thing that can happen is rejection and that FEAR keeps allot of people from truely being themselves outside of their group of friends and/or family.

Like a mate of mine (i admire this person for his confidence) can easily just go up to a group of people. He'd be asked 'do we know you', he'd say no ' does that matter?' and introduces himself and he could be talking to them for a good 30mins or so. This is an extreme but it something allot of people would NEVER even consider doing.

3.

Day to day things like speaking infront of a group. If your in school and you have to read out infront of assembly or infront of your class, make it look like it doesnt phase you and that you could do it in your sleep.

4.

Your posture. Dont go about hanging your head, that implies a STAY AWAY from me kind of attitude. Like im sure youve all heard before 'head up / shoulders back'.

5.

Body language. USE IT. U might think its gay or whatever but dont let any stupid thoughts like that put you off. Use your hands while your speaking. Show interest by nodding, smiling (when some1 is talking to you), not being afraid to laugh or express yourself. Watch the spanish!

Touching is also something you might want to look at. When you meet somebody new, shake their hand. And hold on that bit longer that you feel comfortable for. This sends the signal, that im glad to be meeting you and i want to get to know you better. (clasping the other persons hand with your other hand while your shaking hands also sends this message although only really use this if your sexually interested in the person

There are neatral parts of the body you can touch without a worry of people getting the wrong message. One of these is the hands, another is the part of the arm between the shoulder and the elbow.

6.

The way you speak. Talk about how you FEEL not just about neutral things like the 'weather'. If you have problems with this, listen to how americans talk. If you can talk about feelings with some1 you are sharing a part of you and you actually let the other person learn about WHAT MAKES YOU, YOU.

Thats about it really. Im sure their are loads more, but these should get you started. Just think about them. Your not gonna become a completely confident person overnight but just bear in mind the above points over a few weeks and they should do you a world of good.

Oh yeah and if your friends dont really reflect the kind of person you would like to be, make new ones because your friends are one of the biggest influences on your personality so choose them wisely. (applies more to a college situation than to 2ndary skool).

I heard a great saying once.....

"We are they way we are today,
because that is they way we want to be,
if we did not want to be the way we are today,
we would be in the process of changing ourself already."

And another.....

"The only way we know that we are growing as a person is that we learn from mistakes made and dont make them again"

Jak

I'd have to say the above post is a pretty well balanced piece of advice with regards to confidence .. though do take care with the whole touchy feely thing at the start.

My advice is probably a little more negative in the sense that I do not think it is 'all about confidence'. If you are meeting people in pubs and clubs as seems to be the case - physical attraction will be the single most important factor. It is the nature of the environment - I do not feel the same would apply if you were say in the same sailing club as a girl whereby you are gifted numerous natural opportunities to get to know each other and like each other. Pubs and clubs are the time trial leg of the courting scene.

Now while personality and confidence may seal the deal or turn a one night fling into a relationship - initial physical attraction will play a huge part in who you meet and how things go.

My advice would be to try and look your absolute best, not get hammered in the first half hour and simply enough look around for people who show some interest in you. Single girls are looking for partners too, so don't feel it is completely one sided.

JAK.

BigDaddyKone

that is good advice in the above two. But mainly, i find you just have to go up and talk to her. That is probably the major issue for people with low self confidence. If they laugh at you (and people can be very cruel) just laugh at them. i you don't care what they think, you will find they won't feel in a powerful situation where they can make fun of you.

TacT

Be yourself, don't be fidgeting, concentrate on your goal, and ffs get up off that chair and GO GET EM!

As JayK said "They are looking for partners too!"

Have a look around, there is ALWAYS a group or two girls who are more than likely just as you or your two friends looking for fun, they'll be looking well and looking around, if they catch your eye, GO FOR IT! there is nothing to lose and you will only gain confidence by trying. It will help you be yourself around people more quickly and more easily. If they laugh at you, laugh it off, laughter is a great little shock absorber and you'd be surprised how this might turn the situation to your favour.

let's say you're walking around a club and a girl catches your eye, keep looking, don't be scared, she won't bite unless you want her/ask her to I'm sure Keep the eye contact, get up and march on over there!

gl.