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REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

  • 21-03-2000 11:21am
    #1
    Hobbes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,264 ✭✭✭✭


    On a blanket from Taiwan -
    NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

    On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
    REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

    On a Taiwanese shampoo -
    USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

    On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
    AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

    On a New Zealand insect spray -
    THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

    In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
    TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP
    TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
    (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

    On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids -
    LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE
    PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING
    POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

    In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
    OPEN OTHER END.

    On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
    WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

    On a Sears hairdryer -
    DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

    On a bag of Fritos -
    YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
    (The shoplifter special!)

    On a bar of Dial soap -
    DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
    (And that would be how?)

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-
    DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
    (Too late! You lose!)

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
    PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
    (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

    On a Korean kitchen knife -
    WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
    (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

    On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
    FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
    (As opposed to use in outer space?)

    On a Japanese food processor -
    NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
    (Now I'm curious.)

    On Sainsbury's peanuts -
    WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
    (Really? And that's bad why?)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
    INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
    (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

    On a Swedish chainsaw -
    DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
    (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

    On a child's superman costume -
    WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
    (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

    On some frozen dinners:
    SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

    On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
    FITS ONE HEAD.

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
    DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

    On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine:
    DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

    On Nytol sleep aid:
    WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
    (Duh!)


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