problem with a friend

LegacyUser

Just a question on how to deal with a issue i have with a mate. i have a mate (a girl) who does not seem to feel comfortable around me. She never hangs out with me just on my own, only if our mates are around. I am 100% sure it ain't sexual tension kind of thing because I reckon her and another mate of mine seem to be destined to go out. I also don't fancy her. I thought that she might be uncomfortable because she thought i fancied her, so I asked her this but she countered with the accusation that I hated her. Why would i hang around her if i hated her? So I decided to just have a very distant friendship, as in I don't ring her or anything but if we are all in a group we will talk and all that. The reason i ask for advice about this, is that she is (or was perhaps) my only good female friend. I have loads of mates who are blokes and I am friendly with a lot of girls but she was a good mate who you could ask for advice and get a female perspective on things. now of course we don't really talk.

Wook

maybe she doesnt like you anymore ?
maybe she likes somebody you know (male friends?)
believe me ..friends are overrated !

Hobnail Monkey

Tough one there. Perhaps the best way around this is to just ask her why is there so much tension between the two of ye. If you can't handle this, get a friend you TRUST to ask her the same thing. I don't like to speculate on what it could be because it could be anything really - someone could have said something about you to her, maybe you said something she found offensive or whatever. Anyway, don't jump to any conclusions until you find out what exactly it is thats causing the problem, and then you can deal with it as necessary

WhiteWashMan

id hardly call that person a friend if theyt think you hate them and arent willing to listen

either go all out and talk to them, or move on....

Sposs

I think its obvious she fancies you and doesnt know what to do about it.

LegacyUser

I think the last poster could be right.
Now you say ,you don't fancy the friend you have the problem with-but could you?? you never know you might get to like her/fancy her!
Have a think about her and the close friendship that was there and maybe ask her out for a date.
If she turns you down, be persistant for a while and after a few asks, hopefully she will agree. You have nothing to lose and maybe some great times to gain back.
At the start if she agrees to go out with you it's early days and plenty of time to decide where it's going.

fisty

I think she fancies you.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Dr.august
I think the last poster could be right.
Now you say ,you don't fancy the friend you have the problem with-but could you?? you never know you might get to like her/fancy her!
Have a think about her and the close friendship that was there and maybe ask her out for a date.
If she turns you down, be persistant for a while and after a few asks, hopefully she will agree. You have nothing to lose and maybe some great times to gain back.

The guys friend doens't seem to want to hang around with him and he says he doesn't fancy her and you're telling him to ask her out?!

That has got to be the worst advice ever. You have to be taking the piss!

I think HB has the right idea about this. Either ask her straight up or get a trusted friend to find out then go from there.

G'luck,

- Kevin

LegacyUser

Well I said maybe ask her out, after having a think about it.
In my own experience, it's better to take the bull by the horns so to speak with a problem such as this.
I am not telling anybody to do anything, merely suggesting that it might be worth a try.
Ie: if this was such a close friend,could he possibly fancy her, after thinking about it a little?
Presumably the benefit of posting a problem here is you get feedback from complete strangers.
Only the original poster will know whether this is worth the gamble or not, I apoligise in advance, if this is the wrong advice.

I once fancied a girl, rotten-completely took over my head, and what did I do...I told a friend who told the girls brother,who told her.
But worse than that before I found out, that I had been betrayed, my "friends" brother asked the girl I fancied out, making things very awkward.In hindsight,I should have acted first and took a deep breath.So ever since that episode I am very wary of involving friends that I think I cannot completely trust.

Dave

Originally posted by Wook

believe me ..friends are overrated !

Stupidest thing i've ever heard.

ferdi

she just doesnt like you, no big.
is her friendship so great and importand to you that you have to whine about it? sounds like you fancy here.

cournioni

I have the same problems with a friend of mine. She does consider me as in her words "a good friend". But when I am alone with her I can never get into a deep conversation with her, even though I try my best to get one going. She seem to always give an answer and that would be that conversation finished with. I can remember sitting beside her the other night and I must have asked 50+ questions just to get her talking and we never got into a conversation.

I asked one of my mates there on Saturday (who isn't as much of a friend to her) what she was like when he done the same. He said that they could talk for hours as long as no one interrupted. She seems to be chatty to nearly everyone that she talks to except me. She is a very attractive woman but I never said anything to make her feel like I fancy her.

Can someone please tell me what I'm doing wrong or whatever? I just want this cleared up as soon as possible.

Jak

Originally posted by PORNAPSTER
I have the same problems with a friend of mine. She does consider me as in her words "a good friend". But when I am alone with her I can never get into a deep conversation with her, even though I try my best to get one going. She seem to always give an answer and that would be that conversation finished with. I can remember sitting beside her the other night and I must have asked 50+ questions just to get her talking and we never got into a conversation.

Did you consider that maybe she was not interested in having a 'deep' conversation and the 50+ questions became nothing more than an irritation?

She seems to be chatty to nearly everyone that she talks to except me. She is a very attractive woman but I never said anything to make her feel like I fancy her.

But you do ...

Maybe she was not being honest when she said she considers you a good friend. She simply may not like you very much. Not everyone will and sometimes people will dislike you for no discernible reason. You also say that you said nothing to make her feel like you fancy her .. well you don't have to - People will often assume things on their own and react accordingly.

cournioni

Originally posted by Jak
Did you consider that maybe she was not interested in having a 'deep' conversation and the 50+ questions became nothing more than an irritation?

Well I didn't ask questions alot of the time. I brought up some things aswell that I thought might interest her. This is a girl I have known for five years as a friend. And it wasn't specifically 50+ questions. It was probably around ten in the space of two hours and the rest (probably around 20) were just comments which I thought would bring up just to make conversation.

Originally posted by Jak
Maybe she was not being honest when she said she considers you a good friend. She simply may not like you very much. Not everyone will and sometimes people will dislike you for no discernible reason. You also say that you said nothing to make her feel like you fancy her .. well you don't have to - People will often assume things on their own and react accordingly.

Maybe so... but it has only been in the last while that she has been acting like this (last couple of months). When she rings me everything is fine. Its just when we are talking to each other face to face that there is a problem.

Originally posted by Jak
But do you...

Yes I do sorta, but I never make anything too obvious.