My mother - I think shes mentally unbalanced

LegacyUser

This forum seems like the best place to discuss my situation , seeing as I doubt anybody I know in real life could believe the scope of it . Its my mother – being honest I truly think she is not of sound mind . She has now had me under a grip of constant mental abuse since roughly the age of 12 . This **** is really putting me under pressure . Heres a brief rundown of some of the worst things that woman has done to me
When I was doing my Junior Cert she picked me up from school . I had done the English paper and she asked how I did . I explained that I had started an essay but that it was no good and so I discontinued it and wrote a better one . To say she flew into a rage is an understatement . She lost it . I wrote a very good essay after my first one was going nowhere but this didn’t matter – she roared at me for half an hour complaining I should have written about a certain topic that wasn’t even a choice on the paper !!! All this on the evening before a Maths exam that I intended to study for a few hours for . Due to the argument I didn’t have a clear enough head to do it until 9 o clock . Thankfully I did well in the exam but its beyond the point . I was so disappointed in her and I still am . I doubt she even sees anything wrong in her actions . I believe that argument was caused because she thinks she is the best writer in the world(one of her few hobbies is short story writing) . I am very good at Englsih – I think she resents the fact I do well at it and that she cannot write fiction as good as I can . Writings her ambition but seriously – her stories are just no good and she cant face that I am better at it . Im not bothered about competing with her for the most capable author title – I only write the feckin things when ordered to in school . She just isn’t as intelligent as she thinks she is and I believe she could be taking it out on me .
A more frequent action is her constant attempts to start fights between me and my father . The two of us have only ever had a few arguments in our lifetime – our relations are fairly cordial . Perhaps my mother is jealous of this as she is always trying to start arguments between us – bringing up topics of sensitivity that may be something the two of us have a difference of opinion on . She loves to see us fight . She seldom succeeds but once or twice she has . One time my dad ha no key with him and so rang the doorbell . My mother asks me to get it .As I rise to get it less than a second later , and I literally mean a second , she roared”GET THE DOOR!!!!!!” I roar back “Im getting it I don’t travel at the ****ing speed of light for Christ sake!!!!” You would be pissed off too in this situation .Anyway my dad asked what the roaring was about , takes mothers side and gives out crap to me about answering parents back . The next day , out of range from my mother he tells me”Im sorry about giving out to you last night . I understand you couldn’t have got to the door any quicker but if I take your side in an argument id never hear the end of it from your mother . Unfortunately you cant make any sense to her – if its pissing rain outside and your mother looks out the window and says it’s a nice sunny dry day it’s a nice sunny and dry day . Nothing you can do will change that opinion” Which links on to another feature – even if she realises she is in the wrong in an argument she will never acknowledge it even if it stares her in the face . I don’t seriously think her brain knows how to accept guilt properly .
If there is a certain situation , say if there was something fragile after falling , or paint drying , and I tell my mother not to touch it , she will deliberately go out of her way to touch it . I cant understand it – why does she do this ? Is it because she knows it will get me angry ?What the ****!!!!???!
What pisses me off the most is the way she portrays herself to her friends and relatives as quite responsible and so on .Her cousins in the states and so forth all think that she is very refined and proper , knowing nothing of her darker side . That really annoys me . She is so ****ing two faced !
I suppose to be truthful she has always had her strange ways , but it only really started to accelerate after I was about 12/13 . The first bit of odd behaviour was when I was a baby. When I was two and under photographs show me as a normal looking baby boy . But when I got to about two and a half to three she let my hair grow to near shoulder length of blonde curls , like a baby girl might have . After six months of this nonsense my dad forced her to get the hair cut and leave me looking like a normal baby boy but could this hint at some subconscious thing that she always wanted a girl or something ? Another incident happened when I was about nine years old . As kids of that age do they chant “X has a girlfriend” at each other . Once my cousin , who knew I had kissed a girl down the road recently said this in front of my mother . now theres no harm in playful ribbing by a parent few seconds over this kind of thing . The kid usually gets embarrassed and asks the parent to quit and any normal parent , not wanting to upset their kid , would oblige . Not my mother though . She brought the issue up constantly and even when I cried my eyes out to plead her to stop she refused and kept on with the bull**** . Why would any normal person do this to their own son ? Harmless joking is one thing but embarrassing a child to the point of tears is a different story . What kind of evil hearted woman is she to do that ? Nowadays to avoid any annoyance any girls are kept completely quiet – Ill do this until I meet the woman I marry if I have to . I know it seems silly at the minute but her harassment , which must have lasted at least a week or two , has left lasting mental scars when it comes to her meeting any girlfriends .
One of the worst moments was when she drove me so insane I hit her . Not a box but a slap in the face though of course the drama queen started claiming her nose was broken until she realised that I was fairly sure a flat light slap of the hand wasn’t enough to break a nose . It was a normal night and as usual she was fighting with me . Badgering and roaring as usual . I was tired and in no mood for another argument . I told her to shut up that I couldn’t be arsed arguing about whatever petty issue she was banging on about . So to prevent me relaxing after a long day she turned off the electricity any time I tried watching tv .Then started more roaring . I roared back and she went mad swinging her feet at me in a vain attempt to kick me nearly foaming at the mouth with rage . Suddenly id had enough . In a scene reminiscent of the time Homer Simpson became Burns assistant and finally cracked under the constant bullying I belted her . Not a box of the fist – a slap of the hand . Im not proud of it but I couldn’t help it – she was like an out of control child and she needed to be silenced . Of course she started ranting Do you feel good hitting a woman?” and other such bull she must have heard of the TV3 straight to video films about abused women and so on . Honestly you may criticise but what would you do after spending one whole year of constant abuse from your mother ? If it were my wife it would be a different story – Id simply leave her if it came to the stage where I was that close to hitting her . Id tell her that she had better leave or I better as if I have to listen to one more complaint ill either kill her or myself. When I was 13 was possibly the worst year – it was constant and I thought about suicide to escape her .One thing that stopped me was knowing she would dispose of any suicide note which made mention of her abusiveness towards me . Of that I am certain . Seriously how many people have been driven to the brink of suicide by their mothers ? I don’t want to end up one of these bachelors in their 50s living with an insane old mother who ruined any chance of family and happiness for them . For that reason Ive come to the decision that when I have children I will try my best to restrict her access to them – once in a blue moon maybe but no regular visits . That woman has scarred me and I do not want my children being subjected to any of the same . I know ive rambled a bit here but I had a lot to say and get off my chest . From my account of life with her do you believe that she has a mental illness ? And if so what ? Heres a quick summary again of main behaviour patterns
Severe impatience , occasionally violent behaviour , an apparent jealously of other peoples happiness , a complete inability to admit guilt or to admit being wrong , an ability to block you when you try your hardest to talk sense to her ,
That’s about all I can think of . All help greatfully appreciated .I suppose what I am trying to do is find out a specific condition she may be suffering from and research it more . I believe her getting mental help is out of the question – she point blank refuses to believe she has a problem . She thinks I am the one with the problem and yet the only evidence she ever produced to back it up is “You always shout at me” which is pretty much what is done in response to an invite to argue .
Thank you all for your help .

Beruthiel

ok - correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you to be still in your teenage years??
when I was a teenager I considered my mother to be a complete lunitic! I could not tell you how many times I seriously wished her dead. I believed she hated me with every fibre of her being. We never did anything else but fight. Parents do strange things to their children in the name of love. She seriously thought she was helping me when she pushed me like that. Now, your mother does not sound perfect, but who is?
As a teenager we all feel everything deeply, more deeply than any other time in our lives.. you say these things only started when you were 12, I say, these things were always there but as you get to an age where you could answer back things always become more tense, the ages between 12 to 18 are (in my opinion) the worst and I hated them, I think most people can say that, to one extent or another.
Today, when I look at my mother, I see she is still the same person, who did what she did because she was under the impression that she was doing her best for her kids, the only way she knew how, the way her mother taught her.
We do not do a 4 year study course on how to bring up kids, hense, some are better at it than others and some people should never have children at all, either way, we are all winging it. That being said, I believe your mother thinks she is helping you, in the only way she knows how and you (being a teenager) are perhaps overly sensitive and taking things a little too much to heart. Your mother sounds like she goes over the top too much, I think she is feeling she is not able to control the situation/you any more and she is struggling, when in doubt, shout. Of one thing I am sure, even though she does not show it, in her own way, she loves you and wants the best for you.
I suggest, that when ye are both calm and in a fairly ok mood, sit down and talk to her. DO NOT under any circumstances get into a slanging match, if you can remain calm throughout the conversation and tell her how you feel than she will have to listen to you, remember, no one can fight with you if you are not fighting back.
I have a 14 year old daughter, my mother taught me what I shouldn't do when you have a kid, as a result, we get on great, but I'm quite sure I'm not perfect either and there will be trouble ahead in the next few years!
best of luck

Practical

I don't mean to be an ass here but seriously that is not normal and I could only imagine how you feel. I have a cousin that was treated even worse than you are. She left home at 18 and never looked back. Till this day my auntie is still causing aggression between my family/friends. She is on some medication which is meant to cheer her up but it just makes her really snappy and at the end of the day she is at a loss cause she has no friends.

Solution: When I ever get in a fight with my mam/dad I just get out of the house as quick as I can.
The best thing to do is enjoy your childhood and have a laugh with your friends. If all comes to worse explain whats happening to your dad and get him to have a chat with her.

When your older you will look back on this and laugh about it

Shinji

Okay, let's have a little explanation of how the world is.

I was almost convinced, until I was about 18 and left home, that my mother was irrational, slightly psychotic, unbalanced and needed to see a shrink badly. At other times I thought she was manipulative, unfair and desperately unreasonable.

Then I left home, learned some stuff about the world and how people are, and came to a stunning realisation of the situation;

My mother was a woman.

Explains everything, really. You grow up thinking your mother is a psycho and nobody else has a mother like that... And other girls are nice and everything and not at all like that.

Give it a few years, and frankly, you'll see why your father married her - she was probably pretty damn sane compared to other women.

(I used to think they considered us equally insane in different ways; in general, though, they just think we're simple. Personally, I find that if that means we don't run around stabbing each other in the back and being irrational and manipulative, hell - I'll take being simple.)


(Please form an orderly queue to post your "Oh you chauvanist pig" rants below. You can get a ticket on the way in, and tea and biscuits will be served shortly.)

adnans

(first paragraph)
i gather that you are still a teenager and the only child? most mothers are at their height of motherhood whenever their kids become teenagers and it also doesnt help being the only child. it will all become clear to you once you reach your twenties.

(second paragraph)
if you really want to change the way your mother cares about you, there's only one thing you need to do. get a girlfriend. having a girlfriend will change your current thinking and will also show your mother that there is another woman in your life. you cant compete with that, and she will hopefully learn that.

dr. adnans

Beruthiel

My mother was a woman.
they just think we're simple

lol Shinji, soo true!!

WhiteWashMan

im quite sure youa re not the angel you make yourself out to be.

by the way, if i ever told my mother to fúck off or shut up the way you seem to, i'd get a bollocking to remember. you seem to be too sensitive and precious.
perhaps you need to just get out more and see a bit of the world.
go shinji....

bombidol

lol shiji.. excellent.... Testify Brotha! lol:D

Karl Hungus

Well, first of all, it's not really that rare.
Parents are just ****ed up in general.

My mother is seperated from my father, and mostly she takes a lot out on me. I get bitched at, yelled at, screamed at, and so on. I've even had my mother call the police on me at one stage! It's pretty god damn ****ing ****ty being told off by the cops about giving cheek back to your ma, but I think you'll find at least half the people on boards, at some stage in there pre-18 years have had their parent's get the fuzz to scare them a bit. And it may be EXTREMELY flustrating at the time, but in time you'll see the sense of it.

Now, it's quite frankly stupid to tell you to just cop on, and that it happens to everyone. It is a VERY hard time, and belittling your problems damn well isn't going to help one bit. You're going to have to come to this yourself, it's part of growing up, and nobody can just tell you to grow up, and just get on with it.

But trust me on this one, it'll get a LOT better. Just give things time, and I think you'll find things will calm themselves down. But I can understand that at this time in your life, you need a bit of reassurance, a slap on the back and a warm smile telling you that everything's gonna be grand in the end, because even though you mightn't see how, it will be. Trust me on this.

Just try to relax, stay calm, and not worry about it. I disagree with Practical on this. It is VERY ****ING NORMAL. But in general, you just got to try and cruise throught it, and take things into perspective. Everyone at one time or another wishes death and destrution on their parents. They're ALL two-faced and vindictive pricks, but there's always two sides to the story, just think about all the bad things your mother has done to you in the past, and wager them against the good things she's done FOR you. I think you'll find that the good will out-wiegh the bad, because you'll always have a meal there for you, and you'll always have someone that does worry about you, and think about you.

But also think about this. What if you had some little fartknocker that you had to clothe, feed, clean up after, look out for, look after, put up with, spend time with, spend wads and wads of your hard earned cash on? I'm pretty sure that'd be damn well flurstrating for you!


But I will definetly tell you that as hard as it can be, it DOES get better, and most people have been through the same thing. Just hang in there, try your best to stay calm, and try not to put a bug up yore ma's ass just for the sake of revenge, because that'll turn out pretty damn bad. Just remember, you'll get to choose her nursing home when she's old and can't pee by herself.

Just try to take the bad with the good.

RopeDrink

I've had, and still do, have freak encounters with parents.
I wouldn't go so far as to say they are mentally unbalanced, but I will say that a lot of things they've been through have severely clouded their mind.

The majority of people here know about my issues with my mother (If you want to check it, the thread is lingering somewhere a few pages away) and as for my father, well, let's just say that his actions in the family home have almost influenced me to do some wextremely stupid and pathetically dangerous things.

It's easy to say "Keep a cool head" or "Calm down" but you don't have a little button or dial that you can press or turn that just chills you out and blocks off how you feel.

Just make sure that you don't get too involved.
The only thing you really should be concerning yourself with is yourself. I live with my father, who claims he's been so mad at me (And still is) for reasons he hasn't explained yet. This causes friction whenever we are arround eachother but at least we don't continuously go into conflict. We get on with whatever we're doing and don't (or at least try not to) think about the rest.

Regardless of age, you will need to take steps in life, and they are best taken when not confused or upset or pissed off or impatient about problems you may be experiencing. Whatever you are going through, leave it behind. You will, in time, reach a point where it can be sorted, but until then (And it sounds selfish) - Sod everything and sort yourself out. Just yourself.
If you get screamed at everyday, **** it - It's part of parenting (Some parenting, anyhow)

Believe me, if you lived with the perfect parents you'd be far worse off than the majority of other people.

Silent Grape

hey unregestered, i feel for you, ive got depression and about a month ago i attempted suicide. unfortunately, this 'cry for help' or whatever hasnt helped with the situation i have with my mum. she makes me responsible for her self esteem, its just too much pressure to handle. i get blamed for EVERYTHING, and i mean EVERYTHING. if she forgot something, its cause i 'refused' to remind her, which is an obvious sign that i 'hate her' and 'wished her to be dead' the thing is, my mum is seeing a therapist, but my mum is also super manipulative and defineltely has two faces, like u were saying bout your mum. to her friends, she is a victim of a daughter with an attitude problem. so i understand what you;re saying.: this isnt normal 'teenagery stuff', everyone else seems to be telling you, my sisters and brothers (all in their late twenties) still experience her immaturity whenever they come home, but they dont have to live with it so its not that much of a problem. Thing is, i dont see myself getting better anytime soon with a mother who critisises me non stop, blames me for everything, and gets nasty, childish and jealous. i mean, i was doing a group therapy thing is Jon og GOds for three weeks, and she just never gave me a break once during it, its relentless. Once i was giving my aunt a hug, and i said something plonkery like, 'you;re my favourite anuntie, i love you' or something, and mum goes, 'its so sad that im not your favourite mum (sigh), you never hug MEEE, why do you hate me so much?' its insane, unfair,and just plain mean. sounds like you're dad understands, maybe you could talk to him a bit about it, sounds to me that you could do with some family therapy, it would really help to get it all out there, gud luck

Nevyn

you know your mother may be unbalanced but it may not be metally but hormonally.

i could be at your mother is hitting the menopause or the mental pause as we called it with my Ma.

As bad as pms is the fact that if your mothers Horrormoans are quiting that can be resposible or a hell of a lot more then mood swings.

we had to have a family intervention with my mother and told her to get to the doc and go on Hrt or we would refuse to have anything more to do with her.

So think about and ask , but to it from a door way so that you can make a quick escape if need be.

Thead

Karl Hungus

Originally posted by RopeDrink
It's easy to say "Keep a cool head" or "Calm down" but you don't have a little button or dial that you can press or turn that just chills you out and blocks off how you feel.

No, but there are things you can do to calm down.

Boston

Originally posted by AngelWhore


No, but there are things you can do to calm down.

Some of them in themselves are quiet damaging

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Silent Grape
hey unregestered, i feel for you, ive got depression and about a month ago i attempted suicide. unfortunately, this 'cry for help' or whatever hasnt helped with the situation i have with my mum. she makes me responsible for her self esteem, its just too much pressure to handle. i get blamed for EVERYTHING, and i mean EVERYTHING. if she forgot something, its cause i 'refused' to remind her, which is an obvious sign that i 'hate her' and 'wished her to be dead' the thing is, my mum is seeing a therapist, but my mum is also super manipulative and defineltely has two faces, like u were saying bout your mum. to her friends, she is a victim of a daughter with an attitude problem. so i understand what you;re saying.: this isnt normal 'teenagery stuff', everyone else seems to be telling you, my sisters and brothers (all in their late twenties) still experience her immaturity whenever they come home, but they dont have to live with it so its not that much of a problem. Thing is, i dont see myself getting better anytime soon with a mother who critisises me non stop, blames me for everything, and gets nasty, childish and jealous. i mean, i was doing a group therapy thing is Jon og GOds for three weeks, and she just never gave me a break once during it, its relentless. Once i was giving my aunt a hug, and i said something plonkery like, 'you;re my favourite anuntie, i love you' or something, and mum goes, 'its so sad that im not your favourite mum (sigh), you never hug MEEE, why do you hate me so much?' its insane, unfair,and just plain mean. sounds like you're dad understands, maybe you could talk to him a bit about it, sounds to me that you could do with some family therapy, it would really help to get it all out there, gud luck

Hey yall im the dude who posted the thread.Im feeling for you Grape-some of this stuff is dead similiar to my mas actions . That stuff about getting blamed for her mistakes is exactly what i get . If she forgets to do something its my fault . If she does something wrong its my fault . She cant accept guilt for some reason.
Seriously good luck-I thought i was in a bad situation but you seem to have it even worse . Good luck and keep a steady head

hedgetrimmer

Everyone has issues, and it sounds like something has driven your mother into a situation where she has to confront hers and it's driving her nuts - not in a certifiable wya, but a life way. eprhaps her relationship with your father has deteriorated, who knows?

The imporntant thing here is yourself. Obviously, you have come to the point where this situation in untenable to you. Your options, as complex as your mind/ justification/ fears want you to believe, are quite simple. Leave or stay. Now people will tell you what about X and Y and Z, but to be honest, the choice at the end of all the cycles of thinking still bpoils down to stay or go. That's it.

Hope this helps

eth0_

Ok, you sound like you're under 16 or so, if you're REALLY having so many problems at home and it's affecting you mentally and affecting your education, go and see your guidance councellor at school and see what he/she can do about it, they're there to help, I had two fantastic guidance councellors at my old high school who were always there for everyone and got me out of a scrape or two.