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my contribution

  • 16-08-2002 11:33am
    #1
    naughty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭


    They,ve prolly been posted before but sure here goes......

    Password
    A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer.
    She asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
    Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter "penis". Without
    blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She almost died
    laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED.NOT LONG ENOUGH.
    Poker and Sex
    Q: What do poker and sex have in common?
    A: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
    GENUINE COURT TRANSCRIPT...

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
    a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law somewhere.
    Pumpkin Patch
    Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of
    Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be
    charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public
    intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

    The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he
    decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and
    there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there
    wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail.

    Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road,
    picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a
    hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

    "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident
    embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the
    Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience
    until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

    "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I
    walked up to (Lawrence) and he's . . . just working away at this
    pumpkin."

    Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.
    "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are
    screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then
    looked me straight in the face and said,

    'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"


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