Probably seen it... but eh.. "in the beginning...."

Saruman · 12-08-2002 8:15am #1

In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was
without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And
Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God said, "Let
the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree
yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let
them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air
and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing
that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male
and female so they may multiply. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw
that they were lean and fit.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green
and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent
double cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that
man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with
which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter.
And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra
pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have
to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth
the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into
chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in
cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac
arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created the Irish Department of Health.