Treat Her Right

Kolodny

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.



Here is a guide to the points system:



SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed = +1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows = 0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets = -1

You leave the toilet seat up = -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty = 0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex = -1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom = -2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings = +5

in the snow = +8

but return with beer = -5

and no liners = -25

You check out a suspicious noise at night = 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing = 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something = +5

You pummel it with a six iron = +10

It's her cat = -40



AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party = 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy = -2

Named Tiffany = -4

Tiffany is a dancer = -10

With breast implants = -18



HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday = 0

You buy a card and flowers = 0

You take her out to dinner = 0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar = +1

Okay, it is a sports bar = -2

And it's all-you-can-eat night = -3

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team = -10



A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal = 0

The pal is happily married = +1

The pal is single = -7

He drives a Ferrari = -10

With a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED) = -15



A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie = +2

You take her to a movie she likes = +4

You take her to a movie you hate = +6

You take her to a movie you like = -2

It's called Death Cop III = -3

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans = -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans = -15



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly = -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it = +10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and Hawaiian shirts = -30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." = -800



THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding = -10

You reply, "Where?" = -35

You reply, "No, I think it's your ass" = -100

Any other response = -20



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression = 0

You listen, for over 30 minutes = +5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience = +50

You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?" = -100

You have fallen asleep = -200



ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.......

You talk = -100

You don't talk = -150

You spend time with her = -200

You don't spend time with her = -500

You are seen to be enjoying yourself...................................



GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!!

seamus

Hehe

Originally posted by Kolodny
You leave the toilet seat up = -5

But, ok I really need to understand this.

LADIES: Toilet seats have hinges. Learn to use them. If it's up, put it down

My gf is constantly complaining about this. What's the big fecking deal!? We have to put it up after you, so you should have to put it down after us. Equality. :rolleyes:

Rabies

its all so true,
nothing we can do is right:(
i doubt if any one could score much in a test like that

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.......

You talk = -100

You don't talk = -150

You spend time with her = -200

You don't spend time with her = -500

You are seen to be enjoying yourself...................................



GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!!

Harmo

lol Great

Samson

Best one for a while.

Tails

Very funny:D ....

But alas too true!!!

pauldeehan

You leave the toilet seat up

You know, I never hear the end of this. They leave the toilet seat down and I don't complain.:rolleyes:

sceptre

Originally posted by pauldeehan
You know, I never hear the end of this. They leave the toilet seat down and I don't complain.:rolleyes:

I sort the issue by annoying absolutely everyone. I pop down the toilet lid. Pi$$es off both sexes. Has the advantage of not having an open hole for things to fall into. or for smells to get out through.