Don't fit in, anywhere

LegacyUser

I'm writing this after my latest social blunder and I got to thinking that in all my life I have never managed to fit in with a group of people or ever feel comfortable around large groups of people. I've come to the thought that well I'm just an asshole, that or there is no niche in life for someone like me. I can't seem to find friends/people who will even entertain the concept of friendship with me. I suppose what I am is a loner, its not that I didn't know this before I started on this piece but I've tried to avoid the reality of it but the fact is, I'm going to be a person that just fades in the background of where ever I am, nothing I can ever do will ever change that fact, I've changed myself to try and fit in, please don't think that I'm just writing this going "people hate me so **** them" I've tried to get along.

I dunno anymore, I figure in a few years time it would be quiet easy for me to just vanish or just leave with out anyone, that I percieve to be close to me ever giving a crap.

BEAT

it sounds like your depresssed...go see a doc. he can prescribe you some meds.
othre than that...you sound very young...it's something that almost all of us has felt at some degree, you'll see that as you get older its not about the *people you hang with or friends you have. it's about being happy with yourself and enjoying life..period.
This all comes with age, you will see the light one day...until then i hope you can find a healthy way to cope, get a hobby of some sort...start occupying your time with things you like to do and enjoy...realize that life is too short and the important things in life should start taking priority.

BuffyBot

I'm writing this after my latest social blunder

Take it from someone who makes blunders on a daily basis - blunders won't lose you friends. Friends are people who laugh with you about them. Those who laugh at you aren't worth the time of day

I've come to the thought that well I'm just an asshole, that or there is no niche in life for someone like me

There is billions of people on the planet. There is plenty of people out there you just haven't met yet.

I've changed myself to try and fit in, please don't think that I'm just writing this going "people hate me so **** them" I've tried to get along.

I know this sounds a bit hackneyed, but don't change yourself to "fit in" - it just doesn't work in the long run. Better people dislike you for being yourself than love someone who you aren't. Trying to be someone your not, in the long run, is a very hollow experience.

I dunno anymore, I figure in a few years time it would be quiet easy for me to just vanish or just leave with out anyone, that I percieve to be close to me ever giving a crap.

I doubt that I agree though, look into getting someone to talk to - the problem with being depressed is you get depressed about being depressed, and it's a vicious circle thats hard to break.

Just my 2c

LegacyUser

quote

it sounds like your depresssed...go see a doc. he can prescribe you some meds.

quote

That sounds like some very good advice.

Saruman

Just because you dont fit in with any groups you have met does not mean you are an asshole... your just you... different to anyone you have met... well this should not be news to you but everyone is different and the fact you have not found a group of people who share common interests and personality traits to you is not your fault... its just life!

It does not even need to be a big deal... i dont hang around with a huge group of people... Its not that people dont like me.. they do but my interests dont coincide with most people... I have no problem socialising but i dont have a particular group of friends that i hang around with etc etc...

To me its not a big deal.. i love my life and how i live it... If you learn to do the same i dont think this will be a problem for you any more... but get it out of your head that its your fault and you are an asshole.. and look even if you are an asshole.. there are plenty of assholes out there too so you can fit in if you look a little harder!!

Thanx 4 The Fish

Look on the bright side, if you don't fit in anywhere else, then you will fit in fine here.

And get some help, a doc could recommend a good counsellor if he thinks that you need one.

Caesar_Bojangle

I am the most sarcastic laid back guy that most people will ever come across in their lifetime. Which means alot of people dont see eye to eye with me, people are forever telling me to change but whats the point?

I dont feel too comfortable in large groups either as you feel forced to converse with people you may have absolutely nothing in common with and feel as if you are been judged.

Even though i am a member of a large group of mates, we dont necessarily share the same views so i tend to socialise more with 3 or 4 of them more often that the whole group. I feel much more relaxed with 3 or 4 people than say 12 as you are always fighting with someone else to be the comedian/dominant one/freak/best guitarist/schizophrenic etc, something i couldnt be arsed doing.

Its easier to confide and be yourself in smaller groups as you know them better whereas if you are in a large group people tend to hide stuff especially how they feel about certain individuals.

I think most ppl feel the same way as you do, just get out a bit more and make an effort to talk to ppl you know you have stuff in common with and forget about changing for someone as you'll get fed up sooner or later hiding your real self.

anti depressant will make you feel better but you'll still be in the same situation unless you get out and make an effort to make friends. form a band/join a gym/volunteer for things that you know you'll meet ppl like you at.

LegacyUser

I've changed myself to try and fit in

this suggests to me that you are not confident in yourself and have low self esteem. If you totally liked yourself and the way that you are then people pick up on that fact and it's amazing how they can respond to you. Try working on yourself first, challenge yourself in some ways, when you succeed it always makes you proud of yourself, get to like yourself, do stuff that makes you happy, before you know it things will pick up. I know it's like a vicious circle, but try and be positive. You can rest assured that everyone on this planet has felt as you do at some time or another, including myself. I wish you the best of luck.

and yes, it's good advice to see a doctor if you are really down about it.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Drunk pirate

When I was around 10-13 I had no friends but myself and some fag down the road. I didn't mind being on my own. You get to think more and stay outta trouble. After a few years (now) I have 3 REAL friends that i'd keep real close. You don't really have to hang out with groups. It sucks. I used to but half the people they wouldn't give a **** about ya while the rest would think your ok. plus it may lead to other things like group supression drugs alcoproblems smoking.

EvenStar

I agree. Just be yourself. I used to do the same things you did, but like everyone said, just find some people who share some common interests. if people dont accept you for the way that you are, they dont deserve you. just find some real friends, be happy with who you are, and ull be happy.
worked for me

Puck

Don't worry about fitting in, just be yourself and try to enjoy life. I don't think I've ever fit in well myself to be honest but that's just fine with me. I'm a bit eccentric and so are a lot of other people here, and that's great! If everyone "fit in" then the world would be a very boring place.

I have plenty of friends that I have not much in common with (personality wise) other than the fact that I really enjoy their company.

What I'm trying to say here is that you don't have to fit in to have friends or be happy.

It does sound like life has gotten you down a bit though and it happens to a lot of us so maybe you should see a doctor about that.

noog

I've felt the same hundreds of time.. , Just go get a giant spliff, and a hotdog covered in butter and cheese and try to look forward to the future instead of looking back at the past. Depression happens to even the strongest of people.

McGinty

There's some really good advice here and I'll add my bit in. Like you I felt I didn't fit in, wanted to be a part of a group/crowd, until I learned to enjoy my own company, which I do now and the irony is (life is full of irony) is that I have to fight at times to have my own space. I love being in my own company, be it reading a book, surfing the net (as I am doing today, the first glorious Saturday on my own for ages) or whatever. Find out what you like doing and take the real pleasure in it. Also learning to like yourself and writing down your good qualities and focusing on them will help to build confidence, because we can all be a**hole's at times, but we all have good qualities too, to a greater or lesser degree. Good luck

LegacyUser

Sounds to me like you fit in, on boards.ie

Ivan

SOL

if your under 16 and intelligent take the SATS and go to CTYI, you will and i will lay money on it, get friends with people there, good friends.

LegacyUser

I also dont fit in, it seems much of anywhere or with anyone, hell it seems most of the time i feel rather alien and removed from everyone else. Years ago I went to a doc, he gave me meds. They didnt really work, i mean i didnt feel the alien or removed feeling i previously felt. But I felt alien and removed in a whole different way. Years before this i moved to a new city, but same state. I've lived in the city I am in for about 17 years. I've not made any friends at all infact. Nobody calls, comes over, invites me anywhere. Part of the reason is the people I want to invite me places or would hang out with dont have anything in common with me. The people who do invite me, I dont wnat to have anything to do with. Ironic, hugh? However I am married and have a child. So Its pretty easy to stay busy. I've learned to be comfortable with my socail life. But Imagine how many jobs I've gone through!

P.S. Please excuse in grammer oe spelling mistakes, I'm not an eglish teacher!