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Rape

  • 04-08-2002 10:15pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 294 ✭✭


    I was wondering if any of you would ahve some advice for me. im a 17 year old fella and last night (sat 3rd audust) a 16 year old girl who i have went with once or twice was raped on a night out with her friends by an unidentified man. Im really close to her and i feel as if ive let her down, not being there for her, and was wondering have any of you been in a situation like this and would have any advice for me.

    Thanks for any replies


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm also sorry that you think that you've let her down. If you are worried that you weren't there for her at the time - try being with her now. I can't imagine how she would feel, it may be very difficult for her to see anyone right now. If you are to help her now then you should do whatever she wants, she may want space, she may want a shoulder.

    Hope you get on OK.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 294 ✭✭PyjamaMan


    i cant go to her, her parents wont let anyone near her cept for her girl friends, if you were in the same postion like would u want to see another man.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,935 Mod ✭✭✭✭Turner


    Leave a message with her parents to say you called and that you are thinking of her.
    She needs friends at the moment so let her know you are there for her.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 294 ✭✭PyjamaMan


    done :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,608 ✭✭✭✭sceptre


    Originally posted by Chief---
    Leave a message with her parents to say you called and that you are thinking of her.
    She needs friends at the moment so let her know you are there for her.

    Best advice anyone can give you at the moment.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭darthmise


    Punish those bastards.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 534 ✭✭✭bozzie


    if ya find out who did it i know some guys that would be only too happy to deal out some retrebution on your behalf


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 294 ✭✭PyjamaMan


    im gonna cut the balls of the hooer that did it


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,648 ✭✭✭smiles


    Don't touch the guy - let the guards get him. If you/your mates attack him then you'll just muddy up her case against him.

    << Fio >>


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 93 ✭✭apiou


    Write to her. Even write every day - just show that you are there - maybe send postcards of nice places - any help is better than no news in a time like this


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 294 ✭✭PyjamaMan


    its gonna be on the n.ireland local news tommoro night on BBC Newsline. hopefully will get people to remember anythign they saw.

    found this tooBBC News

    UTV news


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Honestly id start some kind of man hunt
    they deserve to pay


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,489 ✭✭✭Clintons Cat


    what ever you feel you might or might not have been able to do you are not responsible for what happened to your friend.
    Unless you were to have followed her everywhere 24/365 with your mobile phone constantly on instant redial to the guards you must accept that bad things will happen to your friends despite your best efforts to the contary.
    We all like to think that if only,we had done this or said that we could have in the circumstances changed a situation but unfortunatly that is the curse of hindsight.

    what is important is that you are there for her now,chief gave the best advice possible when he said
    Leave a message with her parents to say you called and that you are thinking of her.
    She needs friends at the moment so let her know you are there for her.
    and i would agree.
    If and when you do make contact try to restrain from unburdening your grief/guilt onto her.under these circumstances its best you offer a shoulder to cry on or a sympathetic ear,but allow her to raise the subject what she needs more than anything is time ot come to terms with things without people crowding or presurising her.

    this reply probally needs more work but i hope you can understand what i am trying to say here.
    regards.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,681 ✭✭✭Johnny_the_fox


    sorry to hear about that...
    it really sad how people can do that sort of thing to a 16 year old.... :(

    cant say much more than is said above....


    "the elk" ... thats has to be the 4th in about 2 years.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,563 ✭✭✭leeroybrown


    im gonna cut the balls of the hooer that did it

    I wouldn't go doing that ... very illegal, ... very very messy and worse still very likely to get them, their mates and their extended knacker family to slowly torture you and everyone you know to death.

    Single headshot from a .22 caliber rifle is much cleaner. ;) (This is a joke BTW)

    I wouldn't go bombing her with letters btw. Just send enough so she knows that you're still there for her!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 294 ✭✭PyjamaMan


    im gonna send her a card simple, yet effective.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 544 ✭✭✭pauldeehan


    Only just saw this thread today. The girl in question was in the same year as my sister in primary school and my mother was her PE teacher. I could honestly feel my blood boiling when I heard about it, my mother was nearly sick.

    It also made me realise that every time I read about a rape or heard about one in the news I would ignore it, be completely unfazed. My attitude is forever changed now.

    Believe me, when they find the guy who did this there will be quite a few people wanting to "talk" to him.
    i feel as if ive let her down

    A very natural feeling Darran, I didn't even know her that well and I was wondering what would have happened if I'd been there to stop it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭The Gopher


    Be patient lad.If you go beating up this guy and he tells of it in court then the problem is that his defence lawyer could argue to have the case thrown out due to jurys being persuaded to give a guilty verdict due to media attention on the auuaslt on him and so forth.Wait until he is finished serving his 4 years of his life sentence-then get him.
    Anyway,unless hes in a special sex offenders wing the other prisoners will have little sympathy for a rapist.The paramilitaries in there(if there are still any subsstantial amount)will beat him to a pulp.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 294 ✭✭PyjamaMan


    ye, seen in a newspaper not to long ago that a guy who was jailed for paedophilia was stabbed by other inmates.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,838 ✭✭✭DapperGent


    Yes sex offenders of any type are real targets in prison. I'd really advise not doing anything of the vigilante persuasion. Given that the girl reported the rape so soon after its actual occurance (very brave) the police almost certainly have genetic evidence which usually makes the case open and shut. Also any vigilantism or suggestion of it will decrease the chance of whatever excuse for a human being did this entering a guilty plea as it would increase the chance of a mistrial being declared at some point. No guilty plea would mean the girl would have to go through hell again giving evidence.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 375 ✭✭Baldy


    Im not sure what the criminal justice system is like in Northern Ireland but in Ireland this ****er would probably walk free with little more than a few years and a slap on the wrist. If that happened to my friends, I'd kill the ****er but I'd wait till he gets out to do anything. But hopefully by that stage you be quite rational. Do you guy know who did it or have you got any leads ???


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 857 ✭✭✭Corega


    Originally posted by smiles
    Don't touch the guy - let the guards get him. If you/your mates attack him then you'll just muddy up her case against him.

    << Fio >>

    You know I'd only disagree with you when I'm drunk Fio, but honestly what the **** are the guards going to do, bunch of lazy ****'s. If someone did that to my m8's I would go about doing something very nasty to them, things which I can't mention on this forum :eek: Don't feel bad for yourself PJ, you really could'nt have done much, but be sure to give her comfort in the coming weeks/months.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,489 ✭✭✭Clintons Cat


    i never cease to be amazed by the ammount of posters who seem to advocate that all lifes problems can be solved with a punch on the chops.
    Obviously the guards cant do their jobs properly what is needed is for wee jonny to round up a few of his mates,they will find the culprit where the guards have failed and punch the crap out of him.Problem Solved.
    ****ing morons


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Originally posted by Clintons Cat
    i never cease to be amazed by the ammount of posters who seem to advocate that all lifes problems can be solved with a punch on the chops.
    I'll bring some rope, Jim-bob :D

    Seriously, though - if it were not for such a high percentage of the population that follows an emotive herd mentality, how on Earth would we be able to manipulate them on mass?

    Fnord.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭The Gopher


    ClintonsCat-You admit the gurads are lazy.But at the same time taking the law into your own hands is wrong.Maybe you live in a California style gated comuinty with security guards in Dalkey with doctors and lawyers as your neighbours,but if you lived in the real world,the world full of nuisance neighbours,skangers whod rob the eys of you and paedophiles,all groups who are often unlucky to get their wrist slaped with an extremely light ruler by the justice system,then youd understand.If your an old man and some young guys keep drinking and shooting heroin on your front line,you tellem to piss of and they laugh at you and throw an empty beer can at you.You tell the cops and they go to their houses,tellem to piss off,and for the next few weeks the lads take their revenge by throwing rocks at your windows daily.You tell your beefy grandson to sort it out and their too sore from the crowbar to cranium impact injuries to harass you.
    Capeesh?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,500 ✭✭✭Mercury_Tilt


    This post has been deleted.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,216 ✭✭✭phreak


    If you decide to do anything to this guy, be very careful. If you do something stupid, you will be the one rotting in jail and not this scumbag!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 829 ✭✭✭McGinty


    I think Pyjama Man the focus should be on helping your friend. killing/beating the sh*ite out of the rapist won't stop your friend from feeling the effects of what happened, and the only thing I can advise is just let her be. As someone who suffered the same fate but didn't have the guts to call the cops, this is what I would advise:-

    If she wants to talk (when you can get to see her) just listen.

    If she wants a hug (either she will ask you or you can ask her) give her a hug.

    If she wants to get mad, cry, rant, act weird give her that space, even if this goes on for a long time - which it could.

    Please, please don't ever tell her to get a grip, get over it, pull herself together, etc, although I think from your posting you are a sensitive caring person who wouldn't come out with such rhetoric but its amazing how many people do come out with it.

    I hope the rapist gets a long sentence but somehow I don't think so, it seems that rape is not taken as seriously as it should be in the courts. Like others have said the other prison inmates will get him


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,489 ✭✭✭Clintons Cat


    ClintonsCat-You admit the gurads are lazy.But at the same time taking the law into your own hands is wrong.Maybe you live in a California style gated comuinty with security guards in Dalkey with doctors and lawyers as your neighbours,but if you lived in the real world,the world full of nuisance neighbours,skangers whod rob the eys of you and paedophiles,all groups who are often unlucky to get their wrist slaped with an extremely light ruler by the justice system,then youd understand.If your an old man and some young guys keep drinking and shooting heroin on your front line,you tellem to piss of and they laugh at you and throw an empty beer can at you.You tell the cops and they go to their houses,tellem to piss off,and for the next few weeks the lads take their revenge by throwing rocks at your windows daily.You tell your beefy grandson to sort it out and their too sore from the crowbar to cranium impact injuries to harass you.
    Capeesh?

    christ you realy are a moron arent you?
    what the **** has some old man and his hooligan nieghbours got to do with finding and confronting a violent potentially dangerous
    criminal.
    What i said was and i will quote it in full so you wont get confused and start quoting things out of context was
    "i never cease to be amazed by the ammount of posters who seem to advocate that all lifes problems can be solved with a punch on the chops.
    Obviously the guards cant do their jobs properly what is needed is for wee jonny to round up a few of his mates,they will find the culprit where the guards have failed and punch the crap out of him.Problem Solved.
    ****ing morons"

    notice the heavy use of sarcasm?

    so if the cops armed with the most sophisticated forensic and investigation techniques cant find the rapist,how do you expect a vigillante mob to?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    That's the thing about going it on your own, what if you get the wrong guy?

    A friend of mine and his family were murdered and apparently the butler let the guys into the house. I was all up for finding the butler and wouldn't have cared about the consequences. But who knows what really happened, we may have done something severe but there may have been another side to it.

    Anyway, Gopher please can you try and format your text with "a little more space". It would make your comments seen with greater ease, sometimes I skip past a post that has been block-texted as it is painful to the eyes. (Ask Merc for advice, he's the king of carriage return :D)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭The Gopher


    S O R R Y G O R D A N:)
    Anyway clintonscat my example has quite alot to do with the situation in question . The problem usually isnt that the Gardai dont know who did it , its proving he did . Sure you have circumstantial eveidence and so forth but theyre nervous about prosecuting where DNA evidence aint available . If the attacker is the local thug with a record they will most likely charge hm on the girls word . But if its the college kid from the good family its his word against the girls . Therefore a little old fashioned techniques need to ne used . Get to the real world for a mo- if some1 burgles your house and he gets of with a fine he wont be arsed and may well burgle your house again. Kick the ****e out of him and he will be too afraid . Perhaps you will be forced to learn that someday .


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,489 ✭✭✭Clintons Cat


    S O R R Y G O R D A N
    Anyway clintonscat my example has quite alot to do with the situation in question . The problem usually isnt that the Gardai dont know who did it , its proving he did . Sure you have circumstantial eveidence and so forth but theyre nervous about prosecuting where DNA evidence aint available . If the attacker is the local thug with a record they will most likely charge hm on the girls word . But if its the college kid from the good family its his word against the girls . Therefore a little old fashioned techniques need to ne used . Get to the real world for a mo- if some1 burgles your house and he gets of with a fine he wont be arsed and may well burgle your house again. Kick the ****e out of him and he will be too afraid . Perhaps you will be forced to learn that someday .

    So are you saying the guards know who did it but are refusing to prosecute?Or is this more of your wide eyed speculation?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    It's understandable, it's just not the best thing to go off and seek retribution on your own. You could end up being in more trouble than the perpitrator.

    I believe wholeheartedly that what goes around comes around even though it is impossible to rest your mind on that. Kicking the ****e out of someone will not necessarily stop them from doing it again. They may feel that they have been vindicated and their sentence has been given, therefore they can go again without worry.

    To really fight this - one would have to put their energy where their mouth is and go out within the law and do whatever one has to do to get justification. That is the real world I believe. If our judicial system was replaced by vigilantes there would be madness, anarchy. (t'would be like no moderators on boards, instead everyone would be given the ban button... hmmmm, interesting idea.... hmmm..... )

    Ccat, my phone bill is massive today(!)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,489 ✭✭✭Clintons Cat


    Apologies Gordon.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,051 ✭✭✭mayhem#


    Originally posted by smiles
    Don't touch the guy - let the guards get him. If you/your mates attack him then you'll just muddy up her case against him.

    << Fio >>

    Ireland is a big country, lots of wide open spaces......


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    In all honesty the testosterone level to this thread has become toxic. Have any of the would-be vigilantes ever executed such justice before? Participated or even witnessed such violence? Heard a skull crack as you pound it with an iron bar? Felt skin yield to a knife? Watched someone’s eyes go dry after they’ve stopped breathing? I doubt it.

    Sounds more like a herd of boys standing in a circle measuring their respective todgers. More interesting to do that than to consider the victim of this appalling crime, which was the whole point of this thread.

    As I said, the testosterone level to this thread has become toxic, and has become so off-topic to merit its euthanasia.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,838 ✭✭✭DapperGent


    Jesus what a bunch of tupthumping adolescent losers. "If someone did that to someone I knew I'd... blah blah blah"

    You idiots are solely concerned with massaging your own egotistical machismo. People who see violence as an easy problem solving device help produce a society where horrific crimes like this occur.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,503 ✭✭✭Makaveli


    Originally posted by The Gopher
    ClintonsCat-You admit the gurads are lazy.But at the same time taking the law into your own hands is wrong.Maybe you live in a California style gated comuinty with security guards in Dalkey with doctors and lawyers as your neighbours,but if you lived in the real world,the world full of nuisance neighbours,skangers whod rob the eys of you and paedophiles,all groups who are often unlucky to get their wrist slaped with an extremely light ruler by the justice system,then youd understand.If your an old man and some young guys keep drinking and shooting heroin on your front line,you tellem to piss of and they laugh at you and throw an empty beer can at you.You tell the cops and they go to their houses,tellem to piss off,and for the next few weeks the lads take their revenge by throwing rocks at your windows daily.You tell your beefy grandson to sort it out and their too sore from the crowbar to cranium impact injuries to harass you.
    Capeesh?

    Man where do you live Compton or somewhere.
    If I was you money, I'd roll up in my six fo' and pop a cap in dey asses. God damn five o cant do nuthing right anyway. :rolleyes:

    How is being a vigilante going to solve anything? All it will do is get you in trouble.
    Sure, all you vigilantes on boards.ie can think of this thread when you are serving 5-10 for GBH or manslaughter or whatever you get after taking the law into your own hands.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭The Gopher


    Originally posted by Makaveli


    Man where do you live Compton or somewhere.
    If I was you money, I'd roll up in my six fo' and pop a cap in dey asses. God damn five o cant do nuthing right anyway. :rolleyes:

    Whoa ma nigga we gotta do this s*it bro.Whitey the pig dont give sh*t about young brothaz dyin cos they cross those gayass motha****az Crips.Those cracka assed bitches better know they ride or collide with us,hear what im sayin homes.Increase the peace between ma thugz.

    Right in Queens English now.Perhaps most of you come from areas where the cops do a pretty good job but up here if you report something they wont take any action worth mentioning if the person is under 18,and precious little more if theyre over it.I remember when some pensioner was murdered around here the guy was on an assault charge for months(I think it was upgraded to manslaughter but still WTF is happening?).Somebody kills somebody else and is charged with assault the first time round?If the man in the street found out some pervert had tried to harm his kids and he beat the ****e out of him and even killed him he could be facing 5-10 years inside.But if the pervert harmed the kids he would get off with a slap on the wrist.Ive seen cases in the papers where somebody may have abused a child on a single occasion and because they werent raped in the legal sense of the word theyve gotten off with a fine and an order to be put on a register for 3 years.A register-ooooohhh,they must be terrified!:rolleyes: Imagine spending 3 long lonesome years on a register with only your total freedom to walk the streets to console you.Terrifying:rolleyes:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 620 ✭✭✭deco


    There's no justice anymore, just the law....


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,802 ✭✭✭thegills


    The girl needs to be cared for right now and more than likely doesn't want her friends/relatives getting into further trouble. Let the police deal with it, which sadly may not amount to much if the attacker is U18 or mentally disturbed. The attitude however to rapists and paedophiles is changing rapidly and with a bit of luck the law will change to reflect this.

    Why are the 'vigilantes' being condemed for speaking aloud. This is a forum after all. Everybody says things that they probably wouldn't do.


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