Shouldn't be, but it's starting to affect me

LegacyUser

Guys & girls,

Bear with me here, I'm not sure what I'm looking for from you, but maybe you will... This shouldn't be affecting me, but it is.

My brother is a couple of years younger than me with two kids. His partner is, well as far as I can tell, treating him like ****. They bought a house about a year ago (to be accurate, he bought it), & it seemed like everything was grand (they've had a very turbulant relationship), the kids as georgous as they are, are most probably the result of her wanting to get her hooks into him again. They've split up & got back together a couple of times, but he keeps going back to her under her terms as his family is most important to him, she gave up work when they got the house & he works two jobs, she gives him grief because of this (claiming she doesn't see enough of him).

The kids, for all that's happenned are georgous, well mannerred & fairly balanced (as far as I can tell), the eldest guy does have his moments, but he's a good kid most of the time.

His partner has "been sick" (this is true, but the extent of it is not), for the past three weeks & decided to move back to her mothers (an evil evil bitch - even looks like one, two faced cow), so she could have a hand with the kids while he was at work, she's been back up & down from the house in the last couple of weeks. Last night I find out that she popped an agro for nothing, handed him back the engagement ring & said it was over (again).

This is seriously starting to get to me now, I'm concerned. My brother (possibly in misplaced honour), denies anything is wrong (I found out from another family member), & that she's still sick & is staying at her mother's.

I'm starting to dispair, it's taking it's toll on my parents, myself, my brother. I really don't know what to do. TBH he'd be far better off without her, but with two kids to be responsible for (& the amont of **** he's put himself through for them, he is a responsible father), well I don't know what would happen...

Any words at all that are likley to help ?

Xterminator

Its not a terribly ununsual situation where one partner seems to 'control' the other.

However it sounds as if your brother is having it rough allright.

Most important advice I can give.

Its his choice. If he loves her he wont listen to anything 'bad' about his partner. Dont run her down, or make him choose, oe anything like that.
Just dont mention her directly, if youve nothing good to say.
It's worth remembering that if he has children with this woman, then she'll be somewhere in his life for the next 20 years.

What you can do, is tell him if he ever need to have a chat, or just a place to crash out for the night your there for him.
If money is a problem, perhaps you can offer a 'loan' he could pay back 'when he's able'?
(It can be hard to take charity)

As for yourself, its best to accept that your brother has to live his life, and make his mistakes, and learn from them. If this relationship turns out to be a big mistake, you cant affect that.
It feels pretty powerless, but the best you can do is to be there for him.

Also
If she (the partner) gets the impression the whole family hates her, then that can only be a extra problem your brother may have to deal with. (If they get back together or not, it will still not help).
If you and your other family can maintain some sort of speaking relationship with his partner, it might help, especially as far as birthdays and christmas visitings etc.

Hope this helps

X

LegacyUser

Thanks for the words.

Everyone dislikes her (ironically because of how she treats him), she knows this as does he, it's gotton to the stage where he's embarassed to say anything about how they get on. We're cival with her, that's about it.

Baldy

It'd also be best that if your brother every gets in a fight with this Wan (the partener) that he not raise his temper. Cause if it very come to a break up I assume he'll want his kids.

Baldy

Sorry to state the obvious but I've nothing better to do !!

strawberry

Also something very obvious that isnt really helpful but anyway,
You said she gave back the engagement ring which means they're not married yet, which means your brother has practically no rights under irish law to the kids if I remember correctly.
I'd say that your brother is probably right in not giving her grief as it can only result in him losing his kids.

And helpful advice....if you dont let it get you down you have a far better chance of helping your brother. There's always a chance that it'll blow over. Sorry, not the best at this. *hugs*

WhiteWashMan

to be honest, unless your brother comes to you looking for your advice and help, you should let him live his own life.