Jokes For a New Breed!

Wyverne

Now i wont lie.
I HATE MY MOTHER IN LAW
they are dangerous, sneaky, sniveling little <unts, but what can you do.


You know the other morning i answered the front door, and found my mother-in-law (whom i hadn't seen in ten years) on the doorstep

In-law: "Im staying here for christmas",
she said, in that tone that
only hardened Nazi's and
mother-in-laws ever hope to achieve

me: "fine then", I said, stay there",
and I slammed the door.

.........................................

The other week myself and the family were all driving to cork for some weekend relaxation. we, unfortunately, decided to bring along my mother-in-law, and the whole way down not once did she stop screaming

"you're driving too fast", or
"I hate yis, yis are all b4stards"

so finally we got there, and the lovely hotel staff helped us get her down off the roof-rack.

......................................


anyway, so we get into the hotel, and i've collected my room key, and ffs, she starts complaining again,

Mother-in-Law: "this room is too small",
"look theres no bed, thers no window, i don't like it, its too cramped"

me: "Shut-up woman, your in the lift"

........................................

so, were driving home on sunday night. we've almost reached dublin when we get caught in very heavy traffic, which is unusual for sunday evening. so i get out of the car, to see what it is.
I walk along by the road to the front of the jam, and what do i see; i see the biggest god-damn funeral procession i ever have, i cant believe my eyes. there must have been at least 1,000 people there, and hundreds of parked cars, with traffic tailbacked for miles.
Surprised, i thought to myself, "must be someone very famous. so i walk to the top of the procession.

"eh.. sorry for your trouble" I said.

i am greeted by a gentleman with the BIGGEST MOTHER-F<UCKING DOG u have ever seen. being careful of the dog, i asked,

"erm.. who's funeral is this..."?

man with m-f dog: "well you see.........
brutus here....(pointing to dog)....
hates women; mothers-in-law in particular.
and so one day we left martha, my mother-in-law (he says pointing to the coffin) alone to babysit brutus, and when we got back he had ravaged her"!!!!!!

I was shocked senseless. BUT, even in the depts of shock every man will seize an opportunity.

"ahh...excuse me", i said with a glint in my eye, "u dont suppose i could take care of brutus for some time, u know while your grieving, like????" i asked

man with m-f dog: oh of course you can. but theres only one problem.

"whats that" i asked!!!!!

man with m-f dog turned around and looked at all the people: "you'll have to join the queue"

.........................................

---

This is Commander in chief of the USS Esses, signing off.

Smurfy

Good stuff, i like it!



Adieu!