Fear of Cancer (a bit long)

Tellox

About four years ago, I watched my grandfather (Tom Hayes, R.I.P.) develop and battle cancer. I watched as his health deterriorated, as he fought on. He was a strong man, worked in waterford crystal as a master engraver, was about 53 at the time of development. He fought on, always with a smile on his face. Once it got to about Janurary the next year though, things got worse. One of the doctors mistakes caused a tube to fall out. Although he recovered with no damages, it scared the life out of me. As far as I remember, It was the first time I hugged him. Things got gradually worse after that. Once we got into April, He could hardly see. I almost cry every time I think of my visits, although I was never really close to him. I can recall me saying goodbye, and he didnt know I was even there. he couldnt see me, and I was at the foot of his bed. I began to walk out as he waved directly in front of him. It almost had me in tears. The next time I visited, my grandmother told me he was coming off the drugs, and that he was coming home. I didnt understand fully at the time, but I asked "Isnt that asking for trouble?". Everybody tried comfort me, but I was worried. I saw him the next day and every time he felt pain, he cluthced my grandmothers hand and breathed deeply. It made me feel sick.

A few nights later, the phone rang. It was my uncle asking for my mother. I handed it to her, and a few seconds later, she ran up the stairs in tears, stopping near the top to say "Your grandfathers gotton very, very sick." and she went into her room. Three nights before that, he died during an operation, although he brought himself around. My dad knocked on the door then (shared custody, he took me from 6am til 11am the next morn, or whenever I wanted to go home), and I told him my mother was upset, he spoke to her (I didnt hear), and he asked if she wanted to keep me for the night. She said she didnt. I was walking out to the car when I asked "Whats wrong with grandad?", my dad replied in a faint voice "he's dying". I broke down into tears, and didnt stop crying for about an hour. Then I visited the hospital, and once I got in to see my grandad asleep on the hospital bed, I broke down into tears again. My whole family were there crying, trying to comfort eachother. My grandmother looked awful, sitting down holding his hand. She told me I could speak to him, and he'd hear, but I couldnt manage to say anything. My uncle brought me down to a room where two of my aunts and some non-blood relatives were. One of my aunts, Siobhan had her 14th birthday the next day.

Some time later, my grandad woke up, and I was brought down. I asked him if he was feeling alright, and he said he was, so I gained some peace of mind knowing he wasnt in pain. I stopped crying about then. My family began speaking to him for a while, as if it was a normal day. About half an hour later, I said goodbye, and left to go back home for some sleep (it was about 1am). I got home and began crying once again.

The next day,I wasnt allowed out to see him, I was just told "You dont want to see him right now, you might be scared". I worried and cried throughout the day, my friends tried to cheer me up a bit but it didnt help much. At 6pm, the Bells of the nearby church began ringing. Ten minutes later my mother arrived. I thought she was bringing me to see him, but she simply said "Grandad's gone". I broke down in tears again, and spent the next few months with a heartbroken family.

Since then, I've been terrified of developing cancer, I'd even dreamt that my closest friends developed it last night. Every time I see a bump, whether it be a midget bite or just a swollen gland, I freak out. Sometimes I'd imagine finding them, and end up wasting doctors time. I'm almost convinced myself or one of my friends will develop it at one stage, knowing that 1 in 3 people develop cancer at some point in their lives.

Does anybody know how I can get over this fear? its starting to take over my life. I'd find myself freaking out over the smallest things.

LegacyUser

I would like to say don't worry about it, but well its never as simple as that plus well "its easier said then done".

Its a strange kinda fear but in the end its quiet pointless, it would be like being afraid of dieing so because of that you don't walk down the street in fear of being hit by a car.

Live life to the full, because in the long term the worrying is worth nothing, it makes your life miserable and that isn't good.
I used to worry about loads of stuff, 95% of which are now now gone. I'd like to tell ya how I've got over it but I guess it just came down to go friends and a change in my lifestyle.

Staying in all the time, sitting at my PC gave me wayyy to much time to worry about stuff, though I ain't saying you do the same...
But if you do, take a step back and look at how you currently live your life.

yellum

I don't have an answer for you but if its any help I also have a fear of cancer. My biggest fear would be to develop testicular cancer and waste away within a few months without having achieved much in my life. Its not just cancer though its any disease that makes kills me slowly and changes me completely before it gets me.

This fear of having a wasted life and not having achieved much, and the possibilities that within a few months I could be dead pushed me into making some very big realisations and decisions about what I was doing with my life.

Since then I think I've improved my life and made myself happier. I do feel that life is too short and you should live every day as it comes.

I saw my grandmother fade away with a bad heart in her house about a year ago and it was tough, even for an unemotional bastard like me, but I just think of the life she led. She really could care less of what other people thought of her and she had 78 great years and up to almost the very end partied hard.

I don't know would this be a help or not, but maybe study cancer more so you know the signs and can distinguish between whats a lump or not. Sometimes studying and facing your fear can help. Sometimes it may not.

bugler

Well, both my grandfathers died before I was born, one from lung cancer. My grandmother died from stomach cancer a few years ago too, other side of the family from that grandad. I can understand the fear of it. The thought that me, or my parents might get it has crossed my mind more than once. But hey, theres a million other ways I could die aswell, and some evne more unpleasant than cancer. As mentioned above, you just need to accept that some people get cancer, and some don't. Some smoke, drink, and eat crappily, and they don't develop it. Some live a healthy balanced life and get it. All we can do is hope for the best, adjust your living habits if you so wish, to try and minimise the risk, and if we suspect anything is wrong, then go to the doctor.. You won't be wasting anyones time, thats what he/she's there for. Read up about it as much as you like, and know what should be of concern. Ultimately, it's often the things we don't think about or fear that bring our own mortality to the fore. Take care of yourself, and don't spend your short (however long you live, and whether or not you ever suffer from an illness) life worried over something that 'might' happen.

LegacyUser

I had a collapsed lung not long ago which has a 50% reaccurance rate or there abouts and its not a nice thing. Death if not treated.
but i dont think about it much.

Testicular cancer on the other hand is something i have a fear of getting not a hugh lot but enough.

Still worring can lead to medical problems so is it worth it? No, but agan, easier said then done. Maybe look at it this way, thinking about it all the time might damage your health more than the chance of getting cancer. Trust me i'm not a doctor.

Probably not true but if you get depressed or somesuch then itll make it worse.

I'll be quiet now.

phaxx

I have a bit of this too, I worry about it sometimes. My father died of lung cancer when I was around 11, I think I was a bit too young to really know what was happening, so that stopped me from getting upset when he was in hopsital often. I feel sorry for my sister, though, who never really got to know him, she was three.

Anyway... I wouldn't worry about it too much, cancer treatments are improving, and I believe if it's caught early it can be stopped completely.

DadaKopf

Clearly you're so extremely and deeply upset by the experience that you've continued to focus on the disease that took your grandfather, rather than the experience in a balanced, holistic way. What you have to realise is that you've developed a very common but irrational fear that is preventing you from seeing the whole experience, and the process of living and dying, as a part of nature and something which can also be seen as something fundamentally positive.

I've looked at death three times already and I'm 22. The first time was when I was about eight - my family and I were visiting my Granny. My parents and sister headed off home and I chose to stay there for the week. The next day my Granny was called to a wake up some country road and practically for the whole time she was there, I was left looking at this body of an old man in a white robe, his hands clasped together with rosary beads. Strange experience for an eight year old.

Around that time, my mum fell ill with a brain tumour. She was ill for a long time before she had an operation after which she got better but was never the same again. During my Junior Cert, she underwent her second operation - I shrugged it off, concentrating on my exams. But she didn't get better. In fact, a month after the operation she began to slowly deteriorate. Three or four years later, the Christmas before my Leaving Cert, she declined very rapidly and died of the same tumour that tried to take her years before.

On top of that, in between my Mum's first and second operation, my Grandad (her Dad) fell seriously ill with a 'blockage' in his lungs - to this day, there's a silence surrounding what it really was but everyone knows full-well what it was. My grandparents lived in London so we got the next plane over. I remember him lying on his bed, with a nebuliser over his nose and mouth, he was finding it very hard to breathe and all he could manage to say to me was "yer a grand lad". He fell asleep and stayed like that all night. The next morning, I wandered in to say hello to him but I was too late - with my Mum and Granny in the kitchen having breakfast, I was the one to find him dead.

I, too, developed a fixation on cancer - of dying from it, or even worse: suffering the symptoms. I had seen people die of it twice and have seen death three times. I suppose I was so grief stricken that it was forefront in my mind, it was all I could think of for a long time. When I thought of myself as a human, succeptible to illness and eventually death, I just couldn't see the good stuff in between. When I eventually was able to see it, things got better.

There's nothing wrong with what you're worrying about - it's completely natural but it's preventing you from enjoying life. Start thinking of good things, good times, think of the future without imagining everyone dying or getting ill. When it happens, then you deal with it. What's most important is balance and clearly your fear is weighing down one side of the scales too much.

What struck me clearest of all was how amazing and precious life is and when I realised that, I forgot about worrying about how mine is going to end, only about how it's going to unfold and that's my job, not some disease's.

darthmise

There's only one way i can think of that might ease your fears.
Go to a doctor and get a complete check up.
A freind of mines mother developed cancer some time ago, and since then we have both agreed to go for check ups ourselves. He had his last week and i'm going for mine next week.
There is no cure for cancer, the only chance you can give yourself is early dectection. So many cancers are cureable through early detection (apart from lymphatic).
And theres no point in thinking i'm young, i'm safe enough. I have a friend who at the age of 23 lost both testicles to cancer, i know of another who delevoped cancer at 17.
So go get a check up, if you have nothing you'll put your mind at ease maybe, and if you have something well at least you'll know now when its early enough to do something about it.

In the meantime, enjoy life, your a long time dead.

Tellox

Cheers for the words, made me feel a bit better, and Im sorry for all your losses , its a horrible disease, I couldnt bear to see any of my friends/family fall to it.A friend said to me today to cross bridges when I come to them, and I think thats the best advice you could give anybody in fear of cancer. Also, Darth,I've already had 2 check-up's in the space of the 3 years since my grandfathers departure,given the all-clear twice.

Im more afraid of the symtoms then the actual death. If I fell to cancer,I'd hate to see my whole family look over me as I very slowly deterriorated.

BEAT

first of all, let me say I am sorry to hear about your troubles.
Now, you cant live your life in fear of how your going to die, we all die at some point, its how you live your life that counts....
It sounds like you may suffer from anxiety disorder, get it checked out, life is too short to worry about the inevitable.

I didnt read any of the replies, so sorry If I repeated anything someone already may have said.

take care

Tellox

I've just been to an 18th and I've overheard my aunt saying she's found a lump behind my cousins nipple. I alsmot pissed myself when I heard it. She's going to get it checked out tommorow,but if it was anything serious, I wouldnt be able to cope.

I often take care of her, play the odd game of ISS2/Smash bros ect. I hope to god nothings wrong.

Gordon

It could be anything Tizlox, if it is cancer it would doubtfully even mean a mastectomy.

foxinsocks

Originally posted by darthmise
There is no cure for cancer, the only chance you can give yourself is early dectection. So many cancers are cureable through early detection (apart from lymphatic).

Actually Lymphatic is cureable, but you just have to find it really really early. My Gran had it, she developed it at the age of 65, and was lucky to find a lump somewhere visible right away... She's 80 now, just gone on a cruise to the Bahamas

I lost my father at the age of 3 (he was only 34) to Lung Cancer. While most of the effects of the disease were shielded from me i do remember seeing him in the hospital and not recognising him. I guess some things just stay in your head, even when you are not old enough to really process them.

I went through a phase in my late teens of being afraid of Cancer, saying things like "well if i get cancer im just gonna jump off a cliff rather than live through the torture of the treatment, and seeing myself waste away" and finding lumps everywhere. The poor doctor i plagued at the time was very understanding . I guess it just took me some time to get over it. I still every now and then think about it, but it doesnt rule my life. There are too many ways that your life could end to worry about them all. You just have to live your life, and try to focus on all the healthy happy people around you that care about you. Ultimately you owe it to them and yourself to be happy, and live your life the way you deserve.

Foxinsocks
The Sock wearing Fox, if you will...

RopeDrink

I think that fear of cancer (Or anything, basically, that kills you slowly) is something that comes naturally at a youngish age (Around 13 mostly).

I remember at some point after I moved over here, and we were living in the Rahoon Flats and for no particular reason I cried myself to sleep. Mum came in and asked what was wrong and I kept saying crap about cancer, and dying. I am now, to this day, unintimidated by cancer (Just the long and painful time before illness and death, if it is to be that way)

My Grandfather passed away a Year or Two ago from Testicular Cancer. We regularly visited him in the Regional, before he got moved to Loughrea Hospital and could only see him every second week. With each of those weeks, you'd notice a slight change in the bloke (He was around 72) when you visited him, wether it was him being narky, tired etc His eyesight went, his memory diminished (Couldn't recognise his own son and grandkids - ie. me, my sister and dad) and eventually passed on from a couple of strokes... I never knew my grandmother (On my fathers side - She was long dead before I hit the scene, due to cancer) and my other grandmother had to have a breast removed due to the same bloody stuff... Cancer...

It is not a nice thing to witness, nor is it a nice thing to catch - Hence people develop fear. I remember when a cist was found on my chest and I was balling my head off thinking it was cancerous and that I was going to die (Around 12 years of age) but after it had been checked by a doctor it wasn't cancerous, just lumpy tissue. After that slight bit of reassurance my fears died. If they hadn't, then why in the hell am I still smoking SuperKing Black by the bucket load...

I can't offer any advice on this situation, or offer you any comfort bar that of the fact that it's not exactly a thing that spreads like the cold, and with the precautions being taken today it's hard enough to contract. Just try to keep yourself at ease and enjoy life.