What should i do?

LegacyUser

ok, i dont really no who to ask for advice on this, so i thought id give it a whirl here.

There is a girl who i am absolutely and completely obsessed about, it wouldn't be an exaggeration if i said 10 seconds dont go by and i dont think about her. Im not some kind of sick stalker, i just really really like her, she's funny, smart, intelligent and seriously good looking. She was involved with someone else for the last 2 years but i didnt really like her then, and he treated her fairly badly, basically didnt give a sh*t about her. She broke up with him and i thought finally i can hav a chance, ask her out. But of course work got on top of me for the 2 weeks when i could have a chance. When things at work were sorted she had already met another lad i know. And again he appears to care about her, but he's an absolute waster. The other night him and his mate were completely wasted on whiskey and vodka and she had to try and look after the both of them. I was talkin to her for a bit and she was staring right into my eyes. Ive caught her doing this before and we've always been really good friends, texting each other for hours in the middle of the night and the other night when i was out she came runnin over to me and gave me a huge hug, squeezed the life out of me. But neway, when i ask subtly around everyone seems to think that things with her and this other guy are pretty serious, and its driving me absolutely around the bend, last night i was watchin a film and i burst into tears for about half an hour, while writin this im on the verge of burstin into tears.

Anyone got any advice or any ideas what i should do? Any help much appreciated

Gordon

This is simple to say but difficult to do.

Tell her how you feel.

Invite her out, just you two, to dinner maybe and chat to her, that is all.

I know it will bring you closer to her, I know it mate. Go for it. Let us know...

Beruthiel

I agree with Gordon, what have you got to loose? you'll be dead a long time...........

Dave

What Gordon said. Better to know and get over it than thinking "what if" for the rest of your life.

nesf

I'd agree with Gordon, except that when I was in a similar position a good few years ago, I was unable to do it. But take it from me that not telling her can be very very painful in the long run. It took me ages to get over it, but when I did we did become good friends and have stayed as such ever since. But I still haven't told her what I used to feel, and sometimes when she flirts with me jokingly, it can bring back very painful memories.

I'd advise you to do as Gordon said, but I can relate, if you can't do it.

Dazzer

Was in pretty much the same situation a couple of years ago myself.

I told the girl how I felt and it was the best thing I could have ever done. Im now with the girl for 1 year and 8 months and the two of us are very happy together.

I still love her as much as I did then, Im still mad about her in everyway and the best thing of all is she feels the exact same about me.

Go for it but prepare yourself in someway for rejection.

LegacyUser

u reckon i should tell her how i feel atm like? even though she's involved with someone else? or wait until they begin to break up?

nesf

Well it depends, if she's happy with him, she'll either reject you, or be put in a very complicated position, if she likes you. If it's only a semi-serious thing, and she's not particularily happy about it, it could be a good idea to tell her.


Maybe you should talk to her and find out how she thinks her present relationship is going?

LegacyUser

mmm, that could be the best idea, could give her a hint as to what im thinking. Anyone got any other ideas?

Gordon

Yes, I do... don't tell her how you feel

koneko

The other guy doesn't sound like much. I mean, honestly, if she has to take care of her boyfriend cos he's too drunk to take care of himself?

Does she want a man or a pet?

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by koneko
The other guy doesn't sound like much. I mean, honestly, if she has to take care of her boyfriend cos he's too drunk to take care of himself?

Does she want a man or a pet?

in all fairness we all get silyl drunk at some time or another and have to look after or be looked after by our partners. its no big deal.

if youre interested then say it to her.
meet up for coffee.

mind, just becuase she looks you in the eyes means nothing. i look people in the eyes. it makes people think you are listening to them and people tend to respond to it. dont read too much into peoples body language. she may have hugged you coz shes happy to see you, doesnt mean she wants your babies.
i kiss people on the cheek when i meet them. i hug my friends. doesnt mean i want a night of rampent sex (except with amp) what it does mean is that i am a physical person who shows emotional attachment to people by showing them i let them into my personal space.

you obvioulsy have it bad. until you make a move nothing will happen unless a miricle happens. if youw ant it, go and get it. if you cant get it, tough luck, look after number 1, lifes too short, oh look theres a cutie over there.
h'ok?
h'ok.

Dazzer

Sound advise WWM.

LegacyUser

This is simple to say but difficult to do. Tell her how you feel.

I know this is 'standard' advice, but what if this is impossible (on the scale of being afraid to death) for someone?

Gordon

Love is one of the scariest things that exists in the world. If it is impossible then it is not meant to be. If it is meant to be - all boundaries can be torn down by your feelings and need for the one you love. (Is this about love? is it just you want to shag her?).

If she is all that matters to you, she has to know that - for your sanity and for her peace of mind. Telling someone that you truly love them is like taking an emotional leap of faith - you know it to be true, you will find your way.

What is there to be afraid of praytell??

LegacyUser

try to speak with her and tell you feelings in the begin, if she cares your feelings and imaginations then continue , if not you don't be sad and don't give a **** to her. Go macho , have a pint, you find another.............

darthmise

Well if you can't tell her how you feel, you take those feelings you have for her and bury them so deep inside yourself until they can't reach you anymore, and eventually you'll feel nothing for her and the moment will have passed.

If you can't tell her how you feel, write her a letter, i know it sounds old fashioned but at least you'll get it off your chest.

nesf

Originally posted by darthmise
Well if you can't tell her how you feel, you take those feelings you have for her and bury them so deep inside yourself until they can't reach you anymore, and eventually you'll feel nothing for her and the moment will have passed.

If you can't tell her how you feel, write her a letter, i know it sounds old fashioned but at least you'll get it off your chest.

Hmmm I definitely won't recommend burying it, but I would agree with sending her a letter. It's easier for you and it won't overwhelm her as much as a face-to-face chat.

Just a thought.

darthmise

Originally posted by nesf

Hmmm I definitely won't recommend burying it,
Just a thought.

should've posted the word 'sarcasm' behind that.
Once he sees bad advice maybe he'll know what not to do.

Cabaal

I give another vote to that, tell her how you feel, but leave out the word love from the concversation, in my view it ain't a good idea to use that word.


If you can't tell her face to face write a letter, I've actually done the letter thing.

Took me two weeks of writing and reviewing, ended up being two A4 pages long but it laid out everything EXACTLY the way I wanted it to.
In the end she didn't feel the same but we've because much better friends and I look now and just see her as that, a very very good friend.

Now adays I can do it without a letter

Clintons Cat

ask her out if you really,really like her.if shes just finished a long term relationship chances are she will be more likely to consider playing the field for a bit.
Standing aside is all good and noble but it doesnt get you the girl.
Ask her out in the midweek sometime it will be easier for her to consider you proposition without turning you down outright if she is seeing the other fellow only at weekends she wont have to explain where she is going.Of course if she is seeing this guy 24/7 you've missed the boat and should disregard above advice.

good luck.

Xterminator

Unregistered.

Heres my advice.
Take the plunge. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I was going to just give the excerpt from my favourite poem

"I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. "

That is how you will feel when you are out together if you dont tell her.

I have enclosed the entire masterpiece below, and believe me
if you dont tell her you will regret it for a VERY long time.

Xterminator


And now

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

T. S. Eliot

S`io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, `` What is it? ''
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening.
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains.
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys.
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me.
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, ``Do I dare?'' and, ``Do I dare?''
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
[They will say: ``How his hair is growing thin!'']
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin--
[They will say: ``But how his arms and legs are thin!'']
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all--
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all--
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? . . .

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep. . . tired . . . or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet--and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Woud it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: `` I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all''--
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: ``That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.''

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor--
And this, and so much more?--
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow, or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
``That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.''
. . . . .
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous--
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old . . . I grow old . . .
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.


I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.