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Lack Of Sex

  • 02-07-2002 12:23pm
    Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser

    I have had a girlfriend for the past three and a half years. At the start our sex life was great; we would make love every day, and often four or five times.

    This was great, but I understand that over time this newness passes.

    The problem is now we are the other extreme. We see each other 3-4 days a week, and dispute this, its often two weeks between lovemaking. More recently due to holidays we have only made love once in a whole month.

    I love just about every thing else about the girl, and we have never been closer on every other front. Has anybody else experienced this? Am I expecting too much (first real gf)? How do I tackle this subject?

    We are both 22 so it has nothing to do with age ;(



  • Registered Users Posts: 68,252 ✭✭✭✭ seamus

    Originally posted by Unregistered
    The problem is now we are the other extreme. We see each other 3-4 days a week, and dispute this, its often two weeks between lovemaking. More recently due to holidays we have only made love once in a whole month.

    Is there time in those 3 or 4 days to have sex? I would consider this normal, especially considering you had the chance to have so much sex at the start and you're not even living together.

    If it's bothering you say 'Listen, what's the story?' Just come out with it. After 3 and whatever years, she knows you're not just in it for the sex, so she won't be offended. You never know, she might feel insecure about herself for some reason, or she could be under loads of pressure at work, or, more than likely, she has a normal female sex drive.

    After so long, you have to become imaginitive about getting her going. Take her out for dinner every so often, have flowers delivered to her at work (a definite winner). At the start, she wanted sex because it was that whole infatuation stage. But now you need to show her that you care, and let her know she's loved to get her going. Unlike you, it'll be rare that she just feels like, 'I need a shag'.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser

    I can do the romance thing very well, we eat out a lot, go on short trips abroad, and I do a LOT of flowers (never understood that one).

    We have loads of time within the 3/4 days its just she seems less and less interested, and no matter what I try nothing seems to put her 'in the mood'.

    Whats a normal 'female sex drive'? There are so many rumours, but I have yet to get a decent answer. Surely its more that once every two weeks?

    From what I know of other longterm relationships that my friends have, its more than this.

    Should I be getting bent out of shape about this? Its occupying too much of my thoughts at the moment


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,648 smiles

    Sex isn't everything, maybe she doesnt feel comfortable, or has the crazy bizarre idea that you are only in the relationship for sex and wants to see what it would be like without sex, and if you'd still feel the same for her.

    tbh, it seems like you think sex is the basis of a relationship.

    Sex is a *part* of love, remember that.

    Just talk to her

    << Fio >>

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 darthmise

    Firstly do you feel as if your appetite has been affected by the length of the relationship?

    Secondly do you think she is making a point of not making love or does it seem like a lack of intrest or desire on her part to do it?

    Anyway, women are every bit as frequently stimulated as men. It varies person to person, but not generally between the sexes. (in my experience). They just look for more of an 'atmosphere' during sex, and not just the gratification. It needs to be exciting for them. Change it around a bit. Thers loads of ways to keep it interesting. Talk to her about it and ask her what would she like, the fact that ye don't have sex as mnuch has not been lost on her i'm sure, and ye should be talking abuot it anyway after 3 years.

    Don't tell her you don't enjoy it anymore though, this is about how to go about making it better for her, not for you.

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser

    Yeah, if you have picked up on that attitude just from my posts, its possible that she may have picked up the same. This is a shame, because as i said, I thing every thing else about our relationship is great, and this really is only a small issue.

    It seems as though she is less interested over the past year, I will have a chat with her, I dont want this to become a big issue.

    Thanks for the advice.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser

    Well I have been there so I know what your going through. I tried everything for nearly 2 years to improve things but nothing I could do would help. In fact we had more chances in those 2 years than we had previous and it never made a difference.

    I know making love is not the be all and end all but it is still a part of a relationship. It can feel like the other partner has lost interest in making love which hurts. Lets be honest here when your in a long term relationship it is "making love" and not "sex" and thats coming from a guy.

    All you can do is let her know how you feel and ask her what would make her more comfortable and interested in making love. After that its up to you to make up your mind what to do I'm affraid.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭ The Corinthian

    Originally posted by smiles
    Sex is a *part* of love, remember that.
    A very BIG part.

    Hands up everyone here who would spend the rest of their lives with someone who is boring in bed...


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser

    yeah, i just had that conversation with her, she said the 'spark' had gone, and then she dumped me, god life is great - can you believe this sh1t????

    Ack well thanks for the assists, im gonna get drunk now

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser

    im a girl who is just like ur girlfriend(ex) ive been going out with my man a year and a half,we used to always have sex but then i dont no what happened. I started to go off it and now i prefer to do it as rare as possible, i have lost my sex drive in a way but i still really love my bf. Dont blame her for this she just needs time ive been like this for a few months now but with a lot of understanding from my man i think my seex dive is coming back. Just have patience