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Bit of a Dilemma

  • 23-06-2002 6:00pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser


    I'm currently in a relationship with a girl who i am genuinely in love with, she loves me as well.

    now thats all great, but the problem is as follows...

    I get on very well with one of her best friends, very very well, so much that we are finishing each others sentences, whenever we all go to the pub together i (not deliberately) spend the whole night talking to this girl and pretty much no one else.

    We have so much more in common than me and my girlfriend do, we are never stuck for something to talk about, and i have to admit i find her a lot sexier than my girlfriend.

    But before you say, "well you obviously dont love your girlfriend", i really honestly do love her, but this is wrecking my head.

    What should I do, should i try and avoid her?

    One person said to me "what if you've found your soulmate and you let her get away"

    But i really dont want to hurt my gfirlfriend.

    id appreciate any opinions, i know this probably seems very trivial but it is really doing my head in.

    thanks in advance..


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser


    You say you find her sexier then your current girlfriend...

    my first thought is that the grass is always greener on the other side


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,434 ✭✭✭ bugler


    I don't think avoiding her will do much good, you'll probably just become obsessed. You have to weigh things up here. You say she's one of your girlfs best mates, so could she absolutely point blank refuse to consider anything happening between you two? She might feel strongly about you too, but her sense of loyalty may be stronger, and you know birds with their "friends are way more important than a guy" stuff. You'll just have to decide how strong your feelings are. If you're spending all the time thinking about anyone other than your girlf (not to mention her good friend) then it's only fair to let her go. I'm not advocating an any girl is better than none here btw. It might just be a passing phase. What is it you like about this other girl? If you decide that you need to go for it with her then be subtle. Make some kind of passing remark, about how well you get on etc. See how she responds.But before you start shafting her, at least tell your girlf it's over. And don't start porking the two of them, as tempting a solution as it sounds, it will only lead to despair ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭ porno


    definately go 4 it u only get one chance at happiness in this life i wont remind u again.as i sed b4 its the regrets that kill us.sit n think 4 a while, weigh up the pros and cons, dont dwell on the feelings of ure girlfriend.............hard as that may be.i know ure not a selfish person but u have to think about ure own happiness. be honest, be brave and above all be in touch with ure intuition. listen to what your heart is telling u


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,975 Oeneus


    Jesus guys what are you trying to do to these people?

    Dont' bloody do anything with her! You'll not only upset your GF you'll also screw up their friendship.

    Stick with your GF. You seem happy enough with her anyway. Look at it this way. No matter where anyone goes they're going to see people who are alot sexier than their own partners.

    Chill out for godsakes! Women aren't toys you know.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,500 Mercury_Tilt


    This post has been deleted.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 20,099 WhiteWashMan


    think of why you stay with your girlfriend and is it worth breaking up.
    theres no point being in a relationship you are not happy with just to make your partner happy.
    your own happiness is important too


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser


    thats the problem tho, i really am happy with my girlfriend, we have the best relationship.

    but there is something biting away at me everytime im with this girl

    last night in the pub i was hinting at it, we were talking about my relationship with my girlf, and i told her i was happy, but sometimes i get these ideas into my head, about other people, someone in particular. she generally seems to know what im talking about without me saying much anyway so i dont know if she picked it up or what, but i DO need to stop myself from letting these things slip, or do i?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,975 Oeneus


    Originally posted by Unregistered
    i DO need to stop myself from letting these things slip, or do i?

    Yes...You DO! Keep your mouth and your zipper shut, your really going to screw things up if you're not careful.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,648 smiles


    Originally posted by Unregistered
    last night in the pub i was hinting at it, we were talking about my relationship with my girlf, and i told her i was happy, but sometimes i get these ideas into my head, about other people, someone in particular. she generally seems to know what im talking about without me saying much anyway so i dont know if she picked it up or what, but i DO need to stop myself from letting these things slip, or do i?

    You're not "letting it slip". You're playing around, testing the water trying to see her reaction.

    << Fio >>


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,408 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Beruthiel


    Don't you realise that if your girlfriend and this girl are best friends, then you are never going to get to go out with her anyway, no real friend would take another friends boyfriend!
    You are in a no win situation here and it certainly will not turn out like you would like it to.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,847 ✭✭✭✭ eth0_


    I agree with Beruthiel. And if she DID have a fling with you, i'd question her morals.

    How long are you with your girlfriend? Perhaps it's a 'seven year itch' kind of thing and you're getting a bit bored?


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,946 BEAT


    I say you need to end it with your g/f it's not fair to her for you to be having these feelings for another...if things were so great between you and your g/f then you wouldnt even be having this "problem" it obviously means its time to move on, and if you are sure this "friend" feels the same way about you then go for it! What would hurt the g/f more is to know you were cheating or wantning another while you were with her I think, so break it off and be friendly about it, still hang out with the friend and see where it goes. I think if the friend feels the way you do about her then you will end up togethr even if she is your g/f's friend, afterall love and happiness will always prevail over other such issues. Remember that you may lose both of them if you dont make a decision to choose one and leave the other behind.
    It is ofcourse all up to you, be sure and post back about what you decide to do, remember you cant have your cake and eat it too! ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 772 Chaos-Engine


    Well as you and your girlfriend both hang out with her friend alot you are probably as close to her as your girlfriend is. That is confusing things maybe....

    But if you feel that "Could be" then I suggest you continue on as is. If something happens you can't make it happen as you could ruin things with this girl.

    You most ask yourself this question:
    Do you want to know if that sexier girl with more in common with you is the one? Or would you be content not destroying a friendship or a relationship and not really know...


    Oh. Does she call you and ask to met her for a drink or does your girlfriend just bring you out with her and her friend????


  • Registered Users Posts: 144 ✭✭ spaczed


    In my humble opinion, i think that you shouldn't throw away everything for the off-chance that it could be great. That sounds cold and calculated but when i think it out i figure that if things are great btween your gf and yourself, and i don't know your situation it could last and that lasting relationship would be something special. if things between you and your gf don't work out then your chance comes along anyway. don't live rue what might have been, because it mightn't- just live for what you have and if you and your gf do work out then it will be cos ya do "love her"-remember that. and if on the chance that things don't work out - Smile! and learn from the past, it's all you can evr do.
    but don't throw the love away


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 867 l3rian


    get really drunk one night and tell them both how you feel in front of them haha and watch the dust fly


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,563 leeroybrown


    Most of the time I'd be of the go for it opinion but in this case it seems like a Lose - Lose situation if you do.

    In my opinion the possibility that you could:
      [1] Break up with the girlfriend you love without major regrets [2] Do it without píssing her friend off [3] Get together with her friend [4] Make a meaningful relationship under the circumstances

    ... is pretty minimal.

    Theres nothing wrong with a few gentle hints so long as they don't cause friction.

    Obviously if I were in your position it would be impossible to be even close to this rational but the riskis of losing one or even both seem so high to me.

    Oh and I wouldn't be too keen on listening to people who seem to want to solve problems with "emotional hand-grenades"! ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser


    my friend, i would think long and hard about your next step. weigh up the pros and cons, and when you have thought carefully about both... pick the one with the biggets tits


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,472 elexes


    Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
    think of why you stay with your girlfriend and is it worth breaking up.
    theres no point being in a relationship you are not happy with just to make your partner happy.
    your own happiness is important too

    he speeks the truth think of urself . think of who makes u happier and who you get along with better she might feel the same with u it also could just be a phase . whatever it is you should do what will make you feel better . your gf probably has already noticed this


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,472 elexes


    Originally posted by Beruthiel
    Don't you realise that if your girlfriend and this girl are best friends, then you are never going to get to go out with her anyway, no real friend would take another friends boyfriend!
    You are in a no win situation here and it certainly will not turn out like you would like it to.

    from experience this is not true .

    if you do truely like this girl more then ur gf then go for it . at the start she will hate you for it but as long as the 2 of u are truely happy she should see it and not stand in your way .

    taken from me in my experience one of my mates is marrying a x of mine who i once accused him of stealing her from me . i now know i was wrong and am happy to see them get along so well and am glad for the both of them .

    whatever you end up doing dont lie to urself at liest


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 darthmise


    I'd agree with Beruthiel and Eth0_ and Leeroy Brown.

    THere's a saying that goes "You don't screw the Crew"

    There is no hope of your girlfriends friend and you getting together if they are close friends, and you shouldn't really put them in that position either. (Thats if the frined is a proper friend to you girlfriend.) If not then could you really trust her?
    Do you even know how the friend feels about you?

    I know just because you get on really well with the friend that its easy to assume she could be your soulmate. But contrary to popular belief you can have a close relationship with a girl without getting physical. Could you not just be close frineds with this girl.

    You say you really love your girlfrined, then thats the thing to devote most time thinking about. Do you love her because you've been with her for so long, or do you think she's the one?


    Elexes you have the moral of a treehugging cannibal.:rolleyes:


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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser


    Originally posted by darthmise


    Elexes you have the moral of a treehugging cannibal.:rolleyes:

    thx


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 darthmise


    not too well up on my abbreviations, what does thx mean exactly?


  • Registered Users Posts: 35,524 Gordon


    thanx :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,378 ✭✭✭✭ Trojan


    Originally posted by darthmise

    Elexes you have the moral of a treehugging cannibal.:rolleyes:

    That's actually completely unfair to treehugging cannibals.

    Since when did cannibals hug trees?

    And when did Elexes demonstrate morals?

    :)

    Al.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,472 elexes


    Originally posted by Trojan




    And when did Elexes demonstrate morals?

    :)

    Al.

    exactly when did i get morals ????


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