How to tell my best female friend how i feel about them!

irishgeo

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WhiteWashMan

why cant you meet her for a drink?

what wont work?
the bar?
the cigarette machine?

go on fella, grab your balls and text her and se if she will meet up to watch footie or even just meet up after work or whatever.

life is too short.
no really. it is really to short to waste....

irishgeo

well i am mayo, she is in galway at the present moment in time.

Something

Chocolates and flowers... ohh how well that material stuff works... (in theory)

WhiteWashMan

so yo ucan go to galwy for the day?
hell my girlfriend is in dublin and im in london

Lenny

You tell 'em WWM

leeroybrown

i phone and text her a lot so maybe i could say it over the phone or text her.

Theres bad ideas, really bad ideas and then that one.

If you do decide to tell her - If I were you I'd meet up somewhere in person and talk about it. (And considering how much its probably tearing you up now, it might be worth the risk of things being a bit awkward between the two of you for a while)

irishgeo

Ok so teling over the phone is out. That leaves going to galway one day and meeting her and telling here i feel.

But how to go about saying it.

I was thinking about saying "i have something important to tell you . i t should have been said a long time ago but it wasnt.

You know your one of my best friends and always will be but i like us to be more than friends what do u think?

The old saying though "it will all end in tears".

Zaphod B

TBH I'd go for None Of The Above... definitely not the "more than friends" thing... god the number of times thats been said in movies and TV series... don't kill me if you take this advice and it all goes horribly wrong but I'd say don't try and plan it or it just comes out sounding like "I'm your friend but I also want to shag you senseless"... just say what comes into your head when you see her. That way yeah you'll be embarassed but at least then it sounds sincere thats all I can suggest.

I'll be off now there are many more lives to ruin.

Mills

Well, firstly, I think you need to tell her because your friendship is based on a huge lie if you don't, and it's not worth a damn. Also as Eamo said, life's too short to spend 4 years in love with someone who doesn't even know about it nevermind love you back. I know because I did it for two years myself and I'd never, ever do it again no matter what the circumstances, telling her was the most liberating thing I've done in recent memory, and I was overjoyed when I thought it was going to work out for the best, but for one reason and another (basically she changed her mind after a few days) it didn't, but I was still a lot happier than I was beforehand, and our friendship didn't suffer at all.

I was thinking about saying "i have something important to tell you . i t should have been said a long time ago but it wasnt.

In your situation, I wouldn't go about it like that tbh, you're building it up into some big thing from the start, if you've got it planned in advance and built it up like that, you'll be nervous as fúck and might even chicken out.

If I was in your situation I'd try and arrange a night out with her, both have a few drinks (but not too many) and if the opportunity arises go for it, but be looking for an opportunity. I also wouldn't just blurt out "I've been in love with you for 4 years" because that's a lot to take in and probably a bit of a shock and chances are you won't get an honest reaction.

Flirt with her a bit, try and find out if she fancies you, if you think she does then try and kiss her or something, if it goes well then take it from there. If you just blurt out that you've loved her for 4 years, and she doesn't feel the same, then that's one hell of a strain on a friendship and you will feel incredibly awkward around her afterwards. Trying to flirt with her or kiss her while under the influence is much more easily dismissed afterwards.

Looking at it from the other point of view, if a friend of mine that I'd never seen as anything other than a friend suddenly told me that they had loved me for 4 years, I'd be shocked and confused and I wouldn't know what to do, and it'd all end in tears more than likely.

Also, thinking of her, if you just blurt out that you've loved her for 4 years and she doesn't feel the same she's going to feel very bad/guilty about hurting you by saying no, and she might be tempted to give it a go just to not hurt your feelings, and that isn't good for either of you. Actually, I have nothing to base that on but if the same thing happened to me with someone I cared about tellling me that, I'd really, really not want to hurt them if at all possible, and when I did I'd feel like utter sh!t.

So, I'd advise something more gradual rather than jumping right in there.

Chaos-Engine

Don't tell her over the phone or txt....

First consider will she resipricate? Otherwise you may destroy a friendship.

Then consider if you don't tell her you will never know and which of the two is more important...

If I were you I would tell her how I feel about her... Nothing worse than "Never really knowing" what could have been...

Best way to tell her... Go to the states with her. Travel the world wtih her. You may not even need to tell her. KNowing women she probably already thinks that you feel strongly for her.
Travel is the best way to get close to someone.
Go for it

Oeneus

Well well. Here's something that happens to nearly everyone. The whole not wanting to risk a friendship by asking thing.

I get it all the time. I've left Ireland and gone to England now and left all the lassies behind and regretting not ever saying anything. If I did and the right answer came from her I probably would have stayed.

So my advise is. Ask while you can. Don't tell her that your madly in love with her though. I can picture that really scaring her. Just ask if she feels having a go at a relationship in some kind of non-desperate way, and then develop it from there.

Or ignore me as I have no experience. I've never had the guts to ask anyone.

LegacyUser

Some stuff here might help you. Or give you some ideas.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=49708

Ignore Mr Tilt.

Hes a bad chap.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Whether she feels for you or not, how you tell her probably won't change this.

You may aswell tell her as soon as possible tho, consider this - Do you really want her friendship if you weren't to be an item?

When you're with her all you're probably thinking about is what things would be like if you were an item. This is probably why you like being around her. Try and be with her as just a friend, and try thinking thoughts that a friend would think. You may be horrified by this but it might make you feel a bit better in the long run

Beruthiel

WWM is correct - you'll be a long time dead.
this has happended to me ..
we were mates, then I was with him for 3 years, didn't work out, and now we're mates again.
I don't regret any of it, and as you are good mates now, you will be again (after some time has passed of course)
anyway, do you really want to go through life asking the question, what if???
do not do it over the phone.
just come out with something like, listen my feelings are stronger for you then just friendship... see what she says.

Lemming

I have to say that I'm with Beruthiel on this one. I've had relationships with friends that, afterwards, went back tio just friendship. We were cool enough around each other to know that whilst things didn't work out in *THAT* sense of the word, we didnt' want to loose each other completely as we were good friends anyway.

Granted ... I've had a couple that don't have happy endings too (and not through my choosing either), but I'd still not have changed it all for anything in the world.

Anyway .. I'll stop ranting now

LegacyUser

I'm with Mills on this one but definitely don't just try and kiss her or make a big deal of it. The best approach would be to test the water by telling her (at an appropriate moment with a couple of drinks on board) in a lighthearted way that you fancy her or that she's gorgeous and how come she's still single? That sort of thing...

You can judge from her reaction if she reciprocates your feelings but (and here's the good bit) without losing face as you didn't make a big deal about it. If she's interested too then you can tell her the whole story.

Good luck!

Oeneus

But when being friends after a relationship, does it not create a very iffy atmosphere around the 2 of you?

Lemming

Originally posted by Oeneus
But when being friends after a relationship, does it not create a very iffy atmosphere around the 2 of you?

Initially, yeah ... but more from the point of view that you're both slightly unsure of where you stand. Once you see that and break the ice, everything is back to normal (more or less.)

YES it will take a little time for everything to calm down, but that's horses for courses.

Baldy

Originally posted by Mills
Well, firstly, I think you need to tell her because your friendship is based on a huge lie if you don't, and it's not worth a damn.

I personally am in exactly in the same position my I have been for the last three years! The friend in question is one of the best friends I'll ever have I personally believe that should I ever lose her as a friend, life would have a dramatic change for me!

I think Mills is completely wrong by saying the relationship is based on a lie, because should it not work out for you I assume you would still want to be friends!

I personally believe if your every waking moment is about her then you should say something but if not I wouldnt risk breaking up a brilliant friendship.

With what every choice that you choose I wish you only the best and a speedy reponse to tell us if you and the lucky girl hit it off ! best of luck mate!

Mills

Every situation's different but I think if your friendship's really that strong you should be able to tell her and it will survive anyway, and be more open and honest because of it.....

If I was in that situation now, I'd tell her, even if I didn't hold out any hope of it developing into anything more than a friendship I'd tell her because I prefer to be open with people wherever possible.

Also, some people wouldn't want to be friends with someone who's secretly "in love" with them behind their back, I know I'd rather know.

Kalina

Has she ever shown any signs that she feels the same way about you? Have you ever said or done anything to hint to her how you feel? You say you're a shy guy so my guess is that your not the flirty extroverted type and she hasn't got a clue. Maybe she feels the same way about you!??! She would never have blatantly shown her feelings because, like you I'm sure, she values your friendship and doesn't want to risk it.
So my advice is to think long and hard (not like you haven't been agonising over this dilemma for ages and ages already ) and try to think if she ever gave you signals of any sort that she may be interested in more than just friendship with you. If yes then I think you should arrange to meet her and tell her. Go to Galway or wherever she is and spend some time with her then if you think things are going well just tell her. If her response is the one you want then things will be great. Even if it's not I'm sure you'll still be as close friends as ever. If she is as good a friend as you say she is then this shouldn't affect things between you both.
Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
K