Cyber sex

LegacyUser

So whats your opinion on cyber sex ? If you have a g/f or b/f would you class it as cheating ???

I have been having cyber sex with a woman for a few months now via webcam, we watch other do things (you get the idea) and i really get off on it but i have a girlfriend and afterwards i feel really guilty but i dismiss the guilt by saying "ah im not actually , with her , we are only watching" But if my girlfriend was to do what im doing i would be hurt ...yes i know thats hypocritical (sp?) of me but thats how i feel.

I would be interested in your opinions ?

bombidol

ohh... thats a tough one alright, it is and it isnt, If you are having fun then dont worry about it as long as it doesnt spill into your real life, like meeting up or phonecalls. You are entitled to have your fun as long as you arent cheating, Id feel the exact same about my GF, its called being a Bloke. That was my 2 cents anyhow, im sure ill get a bolloking over it



b0mB

Gordon

Originally posted by Unregistered
But if my girlfriend was to do what im doing i would be hurt

I think that's very important sir.

Maybe your relationship isn't working with your girlfriend and you don't really mind splitting up with her eh? Or not?

I sure hope your girlfriend gives you a bollocking over that Bomb!

koneko

Though you're not physically cheating on your girlfriend (you're not having sex with someone else), I suspect she will feel emotionally betrayed.

The fact that you would hate it if she did the same certainly says a lot.

If it's something you want to continue doing I'd say tell your girlfriend. If she doesn't mind, go ahead and keep doing it. If she does, then it's obviously something you're doing behind her back that will obviously hurt her. Do you want to hurt her, or do you mind? I for one don't believe in hiding things in a relationship (good or bad). It's all based on trust you know

Gordon

From past experience - if you are honest with your other half and tell her that you are interested in this - either the air will be clear and you will not feel bad (she probably will), or she will join in with you and see the pleasure you see/seek.

[koneko beat me to the post!]

Gaz

hmmm tough one , as you are not actually in physical contact and are only watching on a monitor , is it really all that different to looking at p0rn ???

Once it stays that way and you dont meet up for real ! Thats when the real trouble would start !

Chaos-Engine

Your guilt says it all. If you feel guilty because of it then it is wrong.... Simple as that...
Cybersex in my opinion is fine. Aslong as there is no guilt involved. But with a camera! I would defenitly call that cheating. Maybe thats cause I don't have one myself but its your guilt that your should act on.

Talk to her about it. See how she feels about it. If she is cool with it then your guilt will probably vanish. But then it will probably be replaced with paranoia. "Will she go off and do the same?.... or worse ACTUALLY cheat on you and then ask if it is ok???"

The Corinthian

Ridiculous, how can anyone take cybersex seriously? I suppose one of those sex lines is as bad a betrayal, if not worse? While we’re at it, reading Playboy/girl either (“I swear dear, it was an impulse buy! It means nothing! I didn’t get a subscription!”). Can we still imagine other people, btw, or is that an infidelity too..?

Some people are way too insecure about themselves, if they consider IRC a rival...

cartman

ye but ur wankin ffs¬...tell ur gf id say she wud hav a rite laff....but u would freak coz she a girl and all guys are very protective over there girls coz we no wat othere guys are like!but wit a girl dats not the case..all girls trust eachother not for the guys we no if our friends were blockd they wud prob try it on but we no girls wont so i dont she will mind too much..ur not doin anytin to dat women just to yourself which i tink is pretty disgustin but we all hav opinions..lets us no wat she said if u tell her:D

Mills

They did a show about this on "Trisha" on itv a few weeks ago, I sortof caught half of it while sitting on IRC and channel surfing (Ok ok I'm a closet Trisha fan and I sit up every night to watch it)..... anyway, they had people on who had been having "cybersex" and now wanted to leave their partner to be with their cybersex partner, and they had one woman who spent more time online having cybersex with someone else than she did with her husband.

Personally, I just don't see the point to cybersex.... I mean why would you rather do that than just look at porn? Unless it's because you're looking for some sort of emotional response/attachment to the person you're having the cybersex with? In which case I'd be inclined to say it's cheating, I'd be upset if I was going out with someone else who was doing this behind my back, and I'd never even think about doing it to someone else.

smiles

Hmmm... it's a personal decision.

I know that at the moment there's a guy online who is trying to convince me that cyber sex isn't cheating and it's all a bit of fun, but i don't really see the point, i've a boyfriend and i'm happy with him and i dont need cybersex with someone else.

<< Fio >>

hedgetrimmer

First off, I don't think that the fact that guilt is felt is proof that it is a "wrong" thing to do. I think guilt often comes from a feeling that one is ashamed of what one has done within oneself, irregardless of anyone else, and guilt over sex is something this culture has been subjected to for an awful long time. I think resolving this guilt may be matter of self-appreciation.

Secondly, the only real full resolution will come from communication with your partner. I appreciate that this is scary, and I know in my case it took a while for me to pluck up the courage to mention it. I got a webcam for Christmas that year!

It is only "cheating" if either party feels it so. I don't think there can be a blanket statement praising of decrying it. I think it boils down to the individuals involved, but communication is needed, IMO.

I think continuing a relationship beyond the, for want of a better term, gratification woulld be a different matter.

My opinion on Cybersex as an issue is that it is quite similar to looking at porn, as suggested, just a shared experience. I am all for exploration and advancement of the individuals limitations, as long as it harms nobody, but when with a partner, lack of communication will cause unrest and may even effect the relationship through seemingly unlinked avenues.

My 2 cents

BeatTun

and the problem with real sex is?

hedgetrimmer

And the relevance is?
There is no problem with real sex... AFAICS, this is a discussion about the phenomenon of cybersex,....

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by hedgetrimmer

My opinion on Cybersex as an issue is that it is quite similar to looking at porn, as suggested, just a shared experience.

no, its not like loking at porn, because there is someone else who is interacting with you.
porn is all visual stimulant, cybering is more of an emotional and imaginitive form of stimulation.
it is the same as phone sex. would your partner feel happy that you talked dirty down the phone with some other perosn. i suspect not.
i know i wouldnt be happy.

and it doesnt matter if you knoew the person or not.
its the difference between a one night stand and an affair.

doesnt mean its right.

Black Swan

Unregistered wrote:

So whats your opinion on cyber sex ? If you have a g/f or b/f would you class it as cheating ???

i feel really guilty

But if my girlfriend was to do what im doing i would be hurt

I think that these two statements by you answers your question?

Smellyirishman

WhiteWashMan wrote:

no, its not like loking at porn, because there is someone else who is interacting with you.

Exactly, and when it has been that same person for a few months then there is something much more involving going on, beyond fantasy. Along with WhiteWashMan, Blue_lagoon also hit the nail on the head.

If it's purely for sexual relief, then why no just watch porn? Truth is, it goes a lot deeper than porn and raises questions about your confidence in your relationship and your gf. She has the right to know.

Mrs_Doyle

The Corinthian wrote:

Ridiculous, how can anyone take cybersex seriously? I suppose one of those sex lines is as bad a betrayal, if not worse? While we’re at it, reading Playboy/girl either (“I swear dear, it was an impulse buy! It means nothing! I didn’t get a subscription!”). Can we still imagine other people, btw, or is that an infidelity too..?

Some people are way too insecure about themselves, if they consider IRC a rival...

I would consider what the OP described as being a far more serious offence than Reading a playboy magazine or even watching a porno.

It is two people, carrying out sexual acts, together.
It doesn't matter if they are not in the same room. They are instructing the other as to what to do next, etc, they can physically see what the other is doing, and how turned on they are by what is happening between them.

I would consider it as a betrayal.

Mrs_Doyle

WhiteWashMan wrote:

no, its not like loking at porn, because there is someone else who is interacting with you.
porn is all visual stimulant, cybering is more of an emotional and imaginitive form of stimulation.
it is the same as phone sex. would your partner feel happy that you talked dirty down the phone with some other perosn. i suspect not.
i know i wouldnt be happy.

and it doesnt matter if you know the person or not.
its the difference between a one night stand and an affair.

doesnt mean its right.

Actually WWM pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole thing.

oulu

Its the same as if you see a pretty girl in town you know what you would like to do to her, you cant help thinking god she is hot what would I do if I got the chance, You know nothing is going to happen but to think sexy things ,is that cheating answer no, so that is my answer to your Q

Mrs_Doyle

oulu wrote:

Its the same as if you see a pretty girl in town you know what you would like to do to her, you cant help thinking god she is hot what would I do if I got the chance, You know nothing is going to happen but to think sexy things ,is that cheating answer no.....................

................. so you go up to girl and ask for her email address, you go home, log onto your computer, email this girl, your bring up the topic of Cyb sex, she seems keen.
Your GF is not about so you set up your web cam, you know she wouldn't like what your about to do, but this isn't about her, this is about you and the little hottie on the computer.
You remove certain articles of clothing and instruct your cyber lady to do the same.

You tell her exactly what you want to do to her.
You ask her to touch herself.
She is naked, and complies. You can see how turned on she is, and you become aroused yourself.
You begin to touch yourself. She tells you what she would do to you. You touch yourself where she tells you to and you imagine it is her.
You are mentally having sex with this girl.
She is breathing heavily, making eye contact with the camera.
You GF would hit the roof if she knew what you were at, she would like to think that you don't need to pull yourself off in front of total strangers in order to get off.
She could probably understand a bit of porn, or a sexy magazine, but this, your actually talking to this girl.
She can see parts of you that your GF thought you saved for her.
Fcuck her though, its all about the here and now, so go finish what you started, then feel guilty afterward.
Not too guilty though, because you will be logging on again tomorrow for a repeat.

Mmm, now, I wonder if your girl friend was stripped naked in front of a web cam, touching herself in front a total stranger, watching him touch his naked body, masturbating himself in front of her.... Well, you know how easy it is to get sucked up in such carry on, you of all people should be calm and understanding.... no?



EDIT - I want to apologise for the graphic nature of this post - it probably belongs is sex and sexuality. I just feel that some people seem to think it is cool to come across as totally liberal regard sex.
But when it comes down to it, when the bigger picture is presented, I don't think they are as liberal as they would have us believe.

irlrobins

Who is dragging up posts from 2002????

Beruthiel

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