De Dart service. Funny if it weren't so true...

Scruff

"Not there yet, and never going to get there "

Iarnród Éireann and the Minister for Transport and Communications and Other Stuff would like to advise passengers that the 8.25a.m. train serving all stations to Howth will be delayed by approximately five years. This delay is due to the late arrival of an incoming light rail system.

Iarnród Éireann would further like to advise passengers that the next train arriving at Platform Two, which is the 8.33a.m. service to Bray, will be on fire, stinking of piss and will stop inexplicably for 20 minutes just 100m from your destination. This service, which will serve none of the stops any of you want to get off at, will be a standing only service as it will have been being the only train to arrive at this station for forty minutes. Iarnród Éireann would like to apologise to passengers for this delay which is due to a shortage of Johnny Blue at Sydney Parade station.

Iarnród Éireann would like to advise passengers that the next train stopping at Platform One will be delayed by approximately double the time you have already been waiting for it, plus half of any extra time you may have to spend explaining why you are late for work. Iarnród Éireann in conjunction with the Department for Enterprise, Trade and Employment would like to apologise to passengers for any incidents of rail rage and firing this may cause. This delay is due to a driver shortage in Bray, a truck going through the Merrion Gates, the train terminating in Dun Laoghaire, a signalling failure at Pearse station and some skangers throwing a brick at the driver.

Iarnród Éireann would like to further advise passengers that youse may all just as well go off home to bed as there will be no more trains for the foreseeable future. This indefinite delay is in spite of the fact that there is only ONE DART line we have to contend with, and is due to a deadly suspension of approximately eight parts nitrogen to two parts oxygen in the vicinity of the track coupled with a lethal cocktail of dihydrogen monoxide
mixed with some killer leaves. Iarnród Éireann would like to aplogise to passengers for this delay.

Rabies

ha ha..... thats good....
but this is what they say on their web site.....
it even funnier

1. Performance Standards

We know how important reliability and time-keeping is to you, our customers, and, while it is our desire that all trains will run as scheduled, we make the following commitments to you:

Reliability (as measured over a four week period)
99% of all scheduled InterCity trains will run as planned.
98% of all scheduled DART / Suburban trains will run as planned.

Punctuality (as measured over a four week period)

No train should leave a station earlier than advertised in the timetable.

We will measure performance at the end of each line on all timetable services except when a delay or disruption is outside our control, for example, extreme weather conditions.

InterCity Trains
90% of all InterCity trains on the Dublin / Cork; Dublin / Limerick and Dublin / Belfast lines will arrive within 10 minutes of the published time.

90% of all InterCity trains on the other mainline routes will arrive within 15 minutes of the published time.

An Enterprise Passenger’s Charter has been produced for the Dublin to Belfast cross border service and which sets out our standards for this line in more detail. You can get a copy of this charter (in either English or Irish) at stations on the route or from the Marketing Department 01-703 2506.

Suburban Trains
90% of all Outer Suburban trains will arrive in the City Centre within 15 minutes of the published time.

Dart Trains
95% of all DART trains will arrive in the City Centre within 10 minutes of the published time.

Improvements to Track and Signalling
At the time of launching this charter, a very extensive investment programme is in progress on many lines.

This programme is designed to improve the quality of track and signalling and will result inevitably in some temporary disruptions to services on the lines concerned.

We will advise you in advance of such disruptions in so far as they can be foreseen.

We will tell you the reason for a delay or why we have cancelled a service.

When we advertise a change to the timetable, we will measure our performance against the new service times.

Gaz

will stop inexplicably for 20 minutes just 100m

soooo true , that always happens as you pull into Connolly station

Scruff

i was stuck on the dart between booterstown and blackrock for over an hour on a sunday evening a few weeks ago cause they couldn't get the Merrion gates closed AND i was going to Blackrock.

Then some boyz pressed the emergency door open and tried to walk to the road but the cops were at the gates and made them get back on.

After they got the gates closed the train couldn't move cause the driver had to go and manually reset ever door.

that was after being on a train from ennis to dublin for 3.5 hrs.
i was nae impressed. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Sangre

What 4 weeks were those statistics measured on or those it mean the best day from each year adding up to 4 weeks

Victor

Originally posted by Sangre
What 4 weeks were those statistics measured on or those it mean the best day from each year adding up to 4 weeks

No the above figures are the objectives, not the actual performance. Sometimes they meet the objective, sometimes they don't.