Large family, Good or Bad ?

AfroMan

When you have boys, you look for girls.
When you have girls, you want to get boys.
And when you have boys and girls, you need some more children. Is there any advantage for having large family?

Victor

No, I think people should be happy with the family they get, none of this "I want more a than b", people should also be very wary of the financial and social costs of a large family. There were eight children in my family and I have to say my abiding memories of childhood are either being ignored or bullied. Not great.

Xterminator

Sorry to hear that Vic, but tbh your not exactly unbiased by your experience, which i dont think is nessacarly universal, and possibly not even common.

Some large familys grow up with a family bond that is very positive. When 1 is ill or needy, the other rally round, and ensure that they have whats needed. My mam had 8 sisters, (and a few brothers) and all the family, especially the sisters have this bond.

I think that perents need to be responsible when having a family, and ensure they have the money to provide for their family, (without expecting the state to bail them out),

They need to have the space for the children, housewise.

But i do think there are advantages coming from a big family.

Socially the children tend to be very developed, able to adapt, and make friends.
For schoolwork, your more likely have someone who can help you out, when the Leaving Cert Higher Maths goes over the parents heads.
In later life, family can help out when a relative is sick, or finanacially strugging. They provide someone to talk to, and often can helpout with finding job openings, essential services eg painters and decorators etc .
They can share the burden of a dependant relative.

X

Kraken

well i like Vic come from a large family i have 4 brothers and 4 sisters i am second youngest. There are many memoreis i have of being bullied but there are also good ones. You create bonds with your family no matter what they are like and you would try to help if you could, granted i dont get on well with a few members of my family and they used to kick the **** out of me but that stoped one day when i knocked one of them out sucker punch

.

People will always want what they dont have there are advantages and disadvatange to large families the same as there is for small. You just have to understand circumstances are different everywhere you go and tend to change. I enjoyed growing up the way i did and i wouldnt change any of it, it teaches you a lot about life etc. well it did for me.

Xterminator you are right as far as i agree with you on this weither we both are wrong is unknown. it is hard not to give a bias opinion as opinions are bias no matter what for it not to be bias it would have to be proven fact.

my 2 cents worth.

pugwall

Im from a large family (7 kids including me) and definately recommend it. Its great. Always someone to talk to and there is always someone there when I need help with anything. Im never bored around the house.
I 20 and am in the middle of the family as in i have 3 older and 3 younger siblings.
These days families are much smaller and most of my friends com from smalll families with only 1 or 2 kids. Kids these days are very eexpensive to bring up and I suppose I was lucky to be brought up so well in monetary terms as well as receiving a good education. The fact that my mother is a housewife also helps.

seamus

I grew up in a small family, which would be regarded as quite large these days. I have 3 brothers. Early memories (before say 12) are half good and half bad. The good ones associated with being young and the bad ones associated with having 3 older brothers - getting beaten up all the time. Now though, we're the best of mates, go out drinking, always ringing eachother, etc, because we're quite close together agewise (the oldest is 7 years older than me). My mum, on the other hand, had 2 brothers and 3 sisters, and because of this, there was quite a large age gap between my mum and her two oldest sisters, 14 and 13 years, so she doesn't get on too well with them.

If I was to speak IMHO and not from experience, I would think larger families tend to have breaks in them because of aformentioned age gaps, and also because there's so many siblings, you're a little less likely to be really close (IMO). The larger the family, the more likely siblings will move to another country, die, fall out, etc, and may tend to lose contact with the parents, because there'll always be someone else around to look after old mum. That's strictly just from large families I've seen though. I also know plenty of only children who hate their mum and 3 child families that don't get along.

I have no intention to have a large family unless I make an absolute fortune in life. I don't see the point in reducing quality of life for living children because you fancy having another.

yellum

I'm the only offspring in my family and I would have liked siblings.

If I was to have a family I'd like a few kids. I know I can manage it financially anyway and would hope I can devote enough personal time to my kids.

AfroMan

Is it a financial matter or problem of time?
Having a large family! you should have enough time to take care of kids even if you have money. How many rich people have large family? The more money people have, less children they have. So we still don't find the real reason of getting large family.

Victor

Originally posted by Xterminator
Sorry to hear that Vic, but tbh your not exactly unbiased by your experience, which i dont think is nessacarly universal, and possibly not even common.

Maybe I've overstated it above, but my grandmother was born c.1898, my mother 1939, me 1971 and my youngest brother 1980. It's just not fair on the younger children of younger children. (A friend who is younger than me had a grandmother born in 1885).

tribble

Big Families have both advantages and disadvantages.

Some of the advantages -
1. The older kids will grow up with a good knowledge of responsibility and be well able to look after themselves and others years later. This genuinly stands to you.
2. The younger kids will, as stated before me, will have an advantage in being able to rely on help from all sorts of angles (financial, educational etc.)
3. Lots of sibling has the effect of rounding your personality, few false assumptions (they will be challenged) or freakish traits (they will be pointed out).

Disadvantages
1. The younger kids may be born after the parents no longer have the energy to do the things a younger parent would (try getting a 60yo father of 8 to go canoeing in wexford/hiking in the wicklow mountains (i'm sure some will - most won't) with his youngest kids. The older kids will have seen his better years.
2. In some large families some of the kids may feel neglected/bullied if the parents are incapable of managing them all. Parents vary, some are quite capable, some not so.
3. Finances - with lots of kids even well heeled parents will be challenged to find the yoyo's for things like expensive presents etc. . Things like insurance on the family car for the kids is just not possible.

b

AfroMan

Tribble, good analyse. But those advantages you gave, it's only for children, what about parents? Do Parents have advantages also for having large family? Do you agree that some people like to have many kids just for a kind of game, like playing with doll? and when kids grow up, parents don't have enough time and money to take care of them, of course because they didn't think about it before. Or do you think that parents get large family only because of those advatanges you found?

Kalina

There are only 3 in my family, we've always got along well and there's a lot to be said for small numbers.
But I think a larger family would be nice also, that way you have evn more people to look out for you.

AfroMan

Kalina, it means that you are planning to have large family? so your kids will have many people to look out for them. it will be an advantage for you or for your kids?

PhilipMarlowe

I am the youngest of 13 children, 1 of whom died as a child.

The points that tribble made about older parents lacking energy is valid but then again the older "kids" in my family were somewhat like parents to me too...
Our faimily was like 3 families - the 4 oldest, the 4 middle and the 4 youngest.
Given the choice, I wouldn't change a thing.

On the point of supporting a large family, my parents weren't rich because of investing everything into their business over the years(a farm) but this investment paid off in later years... with the help of my siblings... it is not a reason of it's own to have children (running a family business) but it's easy to under-estimate the importance of family in business...

My sister now has 8 kids of her own (under 14!!!!!!) - we think she's a bit mad having gone through it all before... then again, I look at her family and think how great and brave she is.

I have one child and another on the way....

mm.ie

As Gerry Ryan is fond of saying "you need a licence for a dog but you can have as many kids as you like".

I come from a large family (6) and am currently in the process of making a large family (4th otw) and I must say I enjoyed both experiences.

The oldest is now nearly 40 and the youngest nearly 30 and we all get on Super duper. far better than I would have percieved us to having got on when we were younger.

I was also lucky to be in the middle but bigger than both my brothers *evil grin* which had two huge advantages, I could beat them up and I got the clothes first before handing them down!

I am closest to my sister who is 18 months older than me but am also quite close to the rest of them even though my little brother is a bit of a ****....... but then thats for another forum!:)

I think big families are definatly the way forward.

There is also the patriotic angle.... keeping the age profile down and all that.....again another forum

roxy

There are 5 kids in my family which I suppose is middling compared with above people who have 13 or whatever. I've always considered it biggish. Well. you would when there's only three bedrooms and your parents take one!

I have to say that there are only advantages in having lots of siblings. I'm the youngest and the oldest is ten years older than me. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be tha same personI am if I didn't have my 3 big brothers and my kick-ass big sister looking out for me. You learn so much from just being around them. They've done all the stuff already: the school stuff, the exams stuff, the college stuff, the job stuff so you can turn to them for sound advice on almost anything. They're like encyclopedias and it is just so kick-ass.

You will rarely find anyone in this life quite like a sibling in terms of being yourself and there is nobody who knows you like your sibling. I mean, friends/boyfriends/girlfriends come and go but siblings are constant. And let me tell you, thre's nothing like having a sister to remind what you're wearing is absolute muck. Before you go out! And there's nothing like the buzz in the house on Christmas Day when everyone's is gathered, getting under each other's feet, bustling about, noisy. That's when a big famil is just magical. So, if they're so terrific, and I think they are, then why not maximise. I think it's only fair that your child should have a good few siblings.

AfroMan

Roxy,

Great, in your point of view there are only advantages because you are from a large family and you have experience. But what about your parents, did they have only advantages? What about yourself, are you planning to have large family? will you have enough time for your kids?

Kalina

Afroman, I was just making the point that a larger family (ie. more siblings) can mean that you have more people to rely on and more people to help you out if you need it.
I wasn't referring to having kids at all.

AfroMan

Ireland seems to be one of the european countries having more large families. is it a good reputation? if it was a tradition, but things are changing everywhere. Is there any hope for Ireland?