Cavan jokes

Ruu_Old

following the latest Cavan humiliation..has anyone got any Cavan jokes i can use on me mates at work? hehe thanks

jonno

These are a bit long but they work.



A young man from Cavan called Ciaran finds himself in dire trouble. His farm has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the Church and begins to pray...........

"God, please help me, I've lost my Farm and if don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Ciaran goes back to the Church.....................

"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my farm, my house and
I'm going to lose my tractor as well".

Lotto night comes and Ciaran still has no luck!!
Back to the Church.................

"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my Farm, my house, my tractor and my wife and 17 children are starving.
I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Ciaran is confronted by the voice of GOD himself:

"Ciaran, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A F**KING TICKET".



A Cavan man, a sheep, and a German Shepherd were
survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found
themselves stranded on a desert island. After being
there a while, they got into the habit of going to the
beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One
particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a
perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the
sheep started looking better and better to the Cavan man.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.

But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the
Cavan man took his arm off the sheep. After that, the
three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together,
but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and, lo and behold, there was
another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful
young woman, the most beautiful woman the Cavan man
had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they
rescued her, so they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced
her to their evening beach ritual. It was another
beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Cavan man started to get "those
feelings" again.
He fought them as long as he could, but he finally
gave in and leaned over to the young woman,
cautiously, and whispered in her ear,

"Would you ever mind taking the dog for a walk?''

Ruu_Old

haha classics these are perfect, thanks mate

cournioni

Feck off. We never got off to the right start. Which is why we played so badly. Same happened last year against Derry ("Dir" to the Derry fans). I won't take anything away from Tyrone, they played well, but we played complete and utter ****e. Hopefully the Ginger genious will be back so we can Hammer Donegal all the way back to Malin head. Other than that this is all I have to say...

He's bald,
He's bent,
His arse is up for rent,
Peter Canavan,
Peter Canavan...

No offence to any gays...