hahhahahaaa

beserker

I was spending the day in the house on my own and had already 'knocked a
few out' including a couple of 'arm breakers' when I decided there was
more to life than 'burping the worm' all the time. My 'blue veined
hooligan' had been getting a bit sore lately as a result, and it was
therefore time for my 'womb broom' to experience a
bit of action to give 'kojak's money box' a chance to 'shoot some filthy
yoghurt' into some woman's 'furry letter box'. 'Feeding the pigeons' is
OK
but not to the extent I had been doing it.

Later that evening I prepared myself for a night on the town with the
boys. There's no better preparation then having 'baked one' (held a
****e back) for hours and then feeling the ecstasy of 'releasing the
chocolate
hostage'. It's funny, as soon as the 'pace car' (leading ****e) is away
the
rest comes roaring out of the pits behind it. As a rule I generally
'back
one out' twice a day.
Anyway I get to the nightclub. There are a few 'swamp donkeys' and 'salad
dodgers' hanging around including a few others that looked like they have
been 'ram raiding on scooters'. Then I caught the eye of this 'aeroplane
blond' (one who had dyed her hair but probably
still had a black box). She was tall and slim with 'massive jugs' and
'nipples the size of fighter pilots' thumbs' - amazing.
She walked towards me and my mind started to work overtime. It looked
like I would be 'feeding the horses' not the pigeons tonight if I played
my
cards right. I had been a 'harbour master' (one who's been with a few
tugs) in my time but this one was an exception. We got talking and it
didn't take long for the subject of sex to come up - she
was definitely a 'hose monster' (one who can't get enough of the hose) I
thought to myself.
We talked all night in the club and ended up back at mine where the topic
of sex continued. By this point my 'spunk trumpet' was like a 'horse's
handbrake'. I could tell she was also getting aroused with all this dirty
chat so I ripped off her blouse and sunk my mouth into
her bazookas chewing on her nipples which were now 'the size of JCB
starter
buttons'.

My hands started to wander down stairs in search of her 'womb ferret'.
When I found it, it was 'wetter than a otters pocket', and so I began
to rub it frantically. At the same time she put her hand in my
pants and started to 'choke the chicken' and then on to 'smoking the
Whitehouse cigar', taking it deep into her throat until my cock was
like a 'diamond cutter'. With my hair trigger I didn't want to be
labelled
'a dress messer' so I pulled out before it was too late.
After a short break I had her knickers off but to my horror there was a
'cotton pony' hanging out of her 'bacon rashers' - I soon got rid of that.
I was then faced with a decision, should I go for the 'easy pink or the
tight brown'? (fanny or arse) - I decided to play safe on this occasion.
'Like a rat up a drainpipe' I proceeded to 'bend one up' and in no time I
was 'porking her' with my 'conkers deep' inside her 'double doors'.
Missionary first then onto 'playing the double bass' (doggy style with
left
hand on left tit and right hand on muff).
I can't play the double bass so I just started to bang away as hard as I
could until she was 'shaking like a ****ting dog' and my 'guy rope' (the
skin connecting the fly sheet to the tent pole) was almost splitting.

The time had come to 'empty my concrete'. She had already told me she was
on the pill (not that it mattered) but I decided to play safe again and
'shot my sperm blunderbuss' across her bows. Instead of firing my 'baby
gravy' over her belly and tits due to my excitement I
ended up giving her a 'pearl necklace' and other 'jelly jewellery' to
match. To show her my appreciation I decided to go down on her and finish
off the job. Because she was 'up on blocks' (a leak from under the beetle
bonnet) and my cock already looked like a
'barbers pole', I realised it was going to get messy. **** it I thought
and proceeded
to take my first 'sip from the hairy teacup'. It stunk like an 'anchovies
fanny' and I could feel the 'mexican lipstick' all over my chops but I
didn't give a **** as a hadn't been 'muff diving' for ages. She started
to
'cum for England' and was 'all over
me like a cheap suit'. I must have 'given her a right good shafting' as
well because when she got up to visit the loo she was 'walking like John
Wayne'.

This was two weeks ago now and haven't had a sniff since so I'm back to
'spanking the monkey' again. I've considered turning gay but those camp
'turd burgling' 'chutney ferrets' make me sick. The thought of a 'crafty
butcher' (one who likes taking his meat around the back) pushing his
'chocolate lollypop' in my 'rusty sheriff's badge' and
into my 'soil sump' doesn't really appeal. As this 'uphill gardening'
business with arsetronauts is definitely not my scene I'm happy to stick
to
my 'bell ringing' even if it does end up making me blind.

Anyway I'm off to 'drop the kids of at the pool' for the last time today.

strat

rofllmao gg pld

Rabies

LOL very funny

Kraken

very funny. 10/10

dysfunct

Lol, qwality.
Nice one beserker.

NeoSlicerZ

LOL ,played