few bad jokes

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

A new mother is waiting in her hospital bed to see her baby for the first time when the doctor comes into the room holding it. Suddenly, the doctor dashes the baby to the floor and begins jumping up and down on it.
"Stop, stop!" sceams the mother, "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"April fool," laughs the Doctor, "he was already dead!"
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A man notices his thirteen-year-old son has been walking around for a week with a hard-on in his pants, and figures the boy needs some relief. He gives the kid twenty dollars and says: "Take this to the whorehouse at the other end of town, and have some fun."
Well, the whorehouse is a good hour walk each way, but the boy returns in only 45 minutes. The father says: "where were you?"
"Well," says the boy, "when I walked by Grandma's house she asked where I was going and I told her. She said, 'why don't you just come in here instead, and I'll do you for free.' So that's what I did."
The father, outraged, screams: "Are you telling me you ****ed my MOTHER?"
"What's the big deal," says the boy, "you **** mine!"
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"You'll never believe what happened to me!" said Andy to Fred.
"What?"
"This weekend, I went out hunting, and I came across a girl tied to the railroad tracks! She had the most beautiful body I ever saw! I untied her and I ****ed her for hours! It was great!"
"So, did she suck a good dick?"
"Well, that's the only thing. I looked and looked, but I never did find her head."
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There are two brothers, eight and nine. On Christmas morning, they run downstairs to see their presents. The oldest one discovers to his delight that he got a bicycle, a Playstation, a whole bunch of new video games, a complete set of "Star Wars" action figures, and everything else on his Christmas list. Meanwhile, the eight-year-old just got some new underwear and sweaters and a Tonka truck.
Ha ha," says the older one, I totally cleaned up this year, and all you got was some clothes and a Tonka truck."
The younger one just smiles, pushes his truck along the floor, and hums under his breath:
"At least I don't have cancer . . . ."
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Three guys are at a bar, when another man comes in and starts drinking. Pretty soon he's very drunk and out of control. He confronts the three men, puts his hands on his hips and says to the one on the left:
"I've ****ed your mom!"
Then he says to the one in the middle: "Your mom's sucked my cock."
While the first two are still getting over their shock, he says to the one on the right: "I've had your mom up the ass, what do you think of that?"
"We all think you're drunk, Dad -- go home!"
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Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks:
"Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
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A woman is on the witness stand testifying:
"I was walking down the sidewalk, when he grabbed me, dragged me into an alley, ripped off my dress, pulled down my panties, and bent me over a garbage can... I...I don't even remember what happened next..."
The judge says (jerking off motion), "Make something up! Make something up!"
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Phone call between emergency room doctor and worried husband:
"Sir, I have bad news and good news."
"What's the bad news?"
"Your wife was in a serious car accident. Her face was peeled off, she lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
"Oh my God. What's the good news?"
"I'm kidding. She's dead."

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

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A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by and the girl mumbled, "Please, sir, give me some money for a fix."

The man answers, astonished, "Good heavens! But, how old are you, little girl?"

"I'm eight, sir."

"Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?"

"Since I was raped, sir, when I was four."

"RAPED?! And who raped you, little girl?"

"I don't remember, I was drunk."

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A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.

A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."

"No, a straw," says the Tramp.

The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".

Samson

I agree, they are indeed bad jokes.

rymus

and some are exceptionally tasteless also

Spiffing

I thought they were funny

DrunkLeprachaun

I thought they were bad funny and tasteless. I liked them.

pauldeehan

Ah jeez that baby one had me laughing.

Max_ire

ppl cmon them jokes arent very bad its humour and ther fu(kin hilarious!!!!!
well done mordeth great piece of work!!!

OLDYELLAR

aw class! ...........really vry funny

Gaz

There are two brothers, eight and nine. On Christmas morning, they run downstairs to see their presents. The oldest one discovers to his delight that he got a bicycle, a Playstation, a whole bunch of new video games, a complete set of "Star Wars" action figures, and everything else on his Christmas list. Meanwhile, the eight-year-old just got some new underwear and sweaters and a Tonka truck.

hahahahaaaaa EXCELLENT !! Bloody hilarious !!! Ahahaha

Tellox

There are two brothers, eight and nine. On Christmas morning, they run downstairs to see their presents. The oldest one discovers to his delight that he got a bicycle, a Playstation, a whole bunch of new video games, a complete set of "Star Wars" action figures, and everything else on his Christmas list. Meanwhile, the eight-year-old just got some new underwear and sweaters and a Tonka truck.
Ha ha," says the older one, I totally cleaned up this year, and all you got was some clothes and a Tonka truck."
The younger one just smiles, pushes his truck along the floor, and hums under his breath:
"At least I don't have cancer . . . ."

thats the worst thing I've ever heard..

Vikktakkht

THe Michael jackson joke's a classic...Loads of good ones in here! LMAO