SICK!!!!

SHADOW

This is foiken sick sh0ite I got sent:

Crushed Nuts
>

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> When a 40-year old man turned up at a hospital asking to see a doctor
> specialising in men's troubles, he was shown into a cubicle, where he
> gingerly unwrapped three yards of foul smelling stained gauze from around
> his scrotum, which had swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit.
>
> On further inspection, it was discovered that his left testicle was
> missing completely, and, embedded within the swollen, tender and weeping
> wound, were a number of dark objects which the patient confessed were one
> inch staple nails from an industrial staple gun. It transpired that the
> man spent his lunchtimes alone in his workshop, where he regularly enjoyed
> the sexual thrill of placing his penis on the moving canvas fan-belt of a
> piece of machinery.
>
> One day, the excitement had caused him to lose his concentration, and the
> fan-belt had snatched his scrotum into the fly-wheel, throwing him several
> feet across the floor tearing off his left nut. Rather than go to the
> hospital, he performed first-aid on himself with the stapling gun, then
> went back to work when his colleagues returned. It was two weeks before
> he got around to visiting the hospital.
>
>
>
> Flower Power..............(I defy any of you not to wince at this one.!!)
>

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>

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>
> A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood dripping
> down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw he had a geranium
> inserted in his penis. The man got the flower in without any difficulty,
> but when he tried to remove it, the hairs on the stem of the flower had
> dug into the uretha and ripped it to shreds.
>
>
>
> Dog's Dinner
>

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>
> A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from anight shift to find his
> wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped a slice of
> bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up and took a bite
> out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to restore the damage.
>
>
>
> Make Mine A Stiff One
>

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>
> A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to
> heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his
> girlfriend , his member remained stiff however, and after three days he
> went to the doctor in search of help. Shortly afterwards, he developed
> blood clots in various parts of his body, gangrene set in, and he lost
> both legs, nine fingers and his penis.

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"You will feel his presence upon you, when you are lying a pool of you're own blood, and when you do you will wish that you had never ventured where you had"

SHADOW

hehe
Long post

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"You will feel his presence upon you, when you are lying a pool of you're own blood, and when you do you will wish that you had never ventured where you had"

MarVin

Think thats bad...
Wot about this

***Actual article from the LA Times.****

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake.
But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told
bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been
admitted for emergency teatment after a felching session had gone
seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped
Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained.

"As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I
tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into
the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame
shot out the tubing, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning
his face.
It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out
like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact
of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his
anus and lower intestinal tract.


TOP SEVEN SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY:

7) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum . . ."
Ouch!!!

6) "So I peered into the tube . . ." Aaaaaahhhhhhh. I'm sorry, but
that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use
binoculars to stare at the sun.

5) That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem) being
shot out of the guy's anus like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky &
Bullwinkle.

4) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's
anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was
springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love."

3) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their
rectums.

2) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing
when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up
a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into
my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the
truth.
Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and
saying "Well doc, it's like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot
and we took this cardboard tube . . ."

1) "First and second degree burns to the anus". Wouldn't this make the
burning itch and discomfort of hemmoroids a welcome relief? How does one
ever take a healthy poop after something like this?
And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents
on the face of God's green earth.

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If I woz any Cooler, I'd be GOD!!

Monty - the one and only

less of the sickness shadow

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"Respect my Authoratai"

www.firstones.com

Stephen

ROFLMAO Marvin