More Technical Support Stuff

phobos

Technician: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

T: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

T: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

T: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

T: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

T: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

T: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

T: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

T: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

T: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

T: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "...Yes, I think so."

T: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: "...Yes, it is."

T: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

T: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: "...Okay, here it is."

T: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

C: "I can't reach."

T: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

T: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

T: "Dark?"

C: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

T: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

T: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

T: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

T: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

T: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

T: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


;-phobos-)

phobos

A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the user is still adamant that they are right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

An hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what your said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.