Helping a friend

ykt0di9url7bc3

My room mate doesn't show up for college in the mornings and most of our classes are during the morning hours and seeing as this has being going on since well before christmas, its likely that he'll fail the year, in a lot of subjects....this happened to me last year but i knuckled down and this year i only have to repaet 2 subjects......
Me and a few others from the house have told him to start showing up and start his projects or he'll end up repeating the entire year.......he didn't listen...in fact he thought that he was lecturing him on how to live is life......

A few weeks ago he came to me and said that he is going to need help getting up in the mornings...so every morning that i was up early i'd let a few roars at him...nothing doing.....he set alarm clocks that he ignored or just turned off (very fu<kin annoying)....so he asked me to take part in an arrangement.....

If he didnt make it in for a first class he'd pay me €1, if he didn't then show up for the second class it went up to €2 and missing the first three class onwards the fine for the day was €3...we shook on it...

Last week he paid me €11....so far this week its been €5....and every morning i still shout at him to get up.....nothing doing and now he wants to welch on the agreement.....

His excuse every morn is that he's too tired to get out of bed...and its not M.E....He can get out bed when he wants to....

Should i give up on the agreement or try to help him further....

azezil

Is he just being a lazy sod or could he have a sleeping disorder?

If he truely want's to get out of bed but finds himself in capable maybe he should consult a doctor or something?

At the very least he can get more exercise, go to bed earlier, eat healty food etc.


And if that doesn't work a nice ice-cube down the back should do the trick

seamus

Originally posted by azezil
At the very least he can get more exercise, go to bed earlier, eat healty food etc.

I'm the exact same. Haven't been to a lecture since Feb 18th. After being at the gym the day before, I find getting up much easier. Or the threat of getting fired from work also helps. Go to one of your lecturers, explain the situation, and ask him to send a warning email. That'd work

ykt0di9url7bc3

the lecturers are mad at him already for not showing up reports or showing up to class....his friends know that if he continues this way...he'll fail everything.....

This is his first year away from home....last year he commuted and had one of the highest attendence records for the class....this year he has the lowest record for attendence for a non repeat student....

I'm pissed off that he asked for my help and now disses it coz it doesn't suit him.....he made an agreement and shook on it

seamus

Originally posted by SearrarD
This is his first year away from home....last year he commuted and had one of the highest attendence records for the class....this year he has the lowest record for attendence for a non repeat student....

Interesting....mine too, and I barely go to lectures. Hmmm.... Of course I repeated my exams last Autumn, so I know how not to fail first time around this time. I'm going home to study in about an hour.......

Change your agreement from money to pints, and then he'll get in on time. Failing that, try make him study. You actually can pass by just studying and not going to lectures, just takes a bit more work. Study in front of him, and hopefull he'll get freaked out and follow suit. Or at least say "I'm going to the library to study", and then go off and hide in McDonalds or the bar for 2 hours, for the same effect.

bonkey

Originally posted by SearrarD
I'm pissed off that he asked for my help and now disses it coz it doesn't suit him.....he made an agreement and shook on it

Call me an uncaring git, but I wouldnt be bothered about it.

I had a m8 who had the "getting out of bed problem" for ages, and he asked me for help. After a while, I stopped trying to help as much because he was still staying in bed. When he asked me why I didnt call him any more I replied something like "because it was pointless - I call, you sleep anyway, so why should I waste my time. You can do what you like with your day, but I'm not letting it get in the way of mine any more".

You m8 offered to pay you as an incentive to himself. Now he doesnt want to pay - why? Because the incentive isnt working.

Trying to insist on getting the cash off him isnt gonna help him, so simply tell him to forget about it. He doesnt want your help - you should let him know this. If he wanted your help, he'd actually make an effort. I fail to see how he's making an effort. Tell him that if he starts making an effort, you will encourage him, but you shouldnt be making the effort for him. If he's too apathetic to do something about it himself, why should you be bothered taking on his problems for him?

You'd be surprised what apathy from your friends can compel you to do.

jc

The Corinthian

Let him fail. He'll learn from the experience.

Walls

I find that I actually agree with The Corinthian (lord, has it come to this). You're neither a mother nor a supervisor. My patience would have gone by the second morning and I would leave him to fend for himself.

davros

What time does he go to bed?

I have a couple of tricks to get myself up early:

- sleep with the curtains open so the sun wakes me up
- find something interesting to listen to every night on the radio around 11pm (book at bedtime, shipping forecast or whatever) so I go to bed and listen with the light off (next stop: Land of Nod)
- find something attractive to get up for every morning (Dharma and Greg - especially Dharma - at 9am on Sky; for one 6 month period I was getting up at 06:30 every second morning for aerobics - I just liked how it set me up for the day)

Bard

Originally posted by Clain
I find that I actually agree with The Corinthian (lord, has it come to this). You're neither a mother nor a supervisor. My patience would have gone by the second morning and I would leave him to fend for himself.

Agreed... he'll learn from the experience... I know I did...



--

not that it's really relevant,... I now work nights, and never get up early anyway

Dr. Loon

He needs a rude awakening. I used to be like this in school and my first year of work. Then I got fired. That pretty much sorted me out!!! Either get a lecturer to speak to him very sternly, or fúck it.... let him learn from his own mistakes.

flyz

Have you tried pouring a glass of ice cold water over him if he doesn't get up the first time you call him?

SheroN

It's his choice, getting up for college yourself is tough enough with out having to worry about getting someone else up too. It's his problem, you have advised him and made your feelings clear that is all you can do...anything more is up to him.

Victor

First off, you cannot allow him to drag you down.

Get him to sleep in the bath. When it is time for him to get up, put in the stopper and turn on the cold tap.

Give him a reason to get up in the morning (as opposed to a reason not to stay in bed). Women in the house tend to be an incentive. Kelly Brook when she did the Big Breakfast was an incentive.

Get him to go to bed. Eat early. Get exercise. Turn off the TV at 11:30.

PS let me guess, you only watched the aerobics for the visual impetus, not the exercise.

Giblet

I failed my course last year and didn't care..until iwas told to get a job..HMMM...so i repeated the same course again and i'm faring far better than before...except my pockets are about €1000 euro lighter.....The worst part about getting outta bed is the getting outta bed part....Usually 2 minutes after you get up you usually feel fine..the probelm is not that he is too tried....everyone is too tired in the morning..he just is to lazy.

swiss

Having just discovered this thread I'm quite flabergasted.

In case anyone is in any doubt, I am the lazy, apathetic git who won't get up in the morning. I hate getting up. In fact I really hate getting up. Strangely the only time I manage to actually do it is when I actually have no other choice, such as when I had to work last summer (I started work at 7)

SearrarD, I am extremely sensible of the concern and efforts that you have taken over the past couple of weeks. The fact that they have failed should not be a reflection on you - it is my own obstinance and stubborness that overrides my petty subconscious desire to actually do something productive with my day.

I have thought a great deal about the implications of my refusal to get up in the morning (read morning as sometime before lunch) and I certainly do not wish to repeat my second year. *ahem* I should also probably mention that my attitude towards study/project work is scarily similar to that adopted towards conventional waking times.

However, my attitude springs largely from apathy. In the larger picture, repeating one year of college won't make a great deal of difference. The only thing which concerns me is that this 'trait' may become endemic to my personality and cause untold strife in later life. I decided that I needed a 'kick up the árse' to get me going in the moring. At first I felt that doling money out was the best way to coax me out of my lethargy, but it didn't work, it's obviously not going to work and that is why I decided to terminate that agreement.

I know that everyone has my interests at heart. However, after hearing it from everybody at home, in college and in the house (student lodging) it starts to become dictatorial. Whether that is fair or not is irrelevant, that is how it sounds. I don't mean to offend people but sometimes I prefer to be left to my own devices, whatever the negative impact those 'devices' may be on my life.

davros

Originally posted by Victor
PS let me guess, you only watched the aerobics for the visual impetus, not the exercise. [/B]

You know, I was unfairly accused of that many times

But at 7am, it was only me and 2 or 3 others. I happened to live right beside the gym. After I moved, I changed to the evening and *that* was an eye-opener.

It's damn good exercise though, and I still claim that was my only motivation

adnans

look up stuff on sleep phase syndrome (DSPS) and how you can reset your body clock so you can get up in the mornings.

you can always try ordering your brain to wake up at certain times ( i do this daily and always wake up before the alarm clock goes off, the alarm clock is the backup system ) although it wont work if youve been drinking or smoking or doing any other stuff that can affect your mind and body the night before.

sleep on your back, open up the curtains during the night so the light can come in the morning, open a window for fresh air. things like that might not work for you but you can always try them. just dont waste a year of your life by repeating college.

adnans

Monkey

are you actually happy doing the course you're doing? Maybe you can't get up because you don't want to go to college because it's not something you really want to do with your life?

DadaKopf

Why does everyone have to go on about ME and crap like that? Most likely it's a combination of laziness, late nights and breaking with school sleeping hours habit. I haveit myself - I never rise before 11am at LEAST even though I have lectures at 11.

However, his sleeping probs might be due to some kind of stress and pressure he's under. How is he getting on socially, is there any bad stuff going on at home or with his friends, is he having difficulties academically? Or has he broken up with some girl or something?

Only after you think you can answer those questions as reasons for his sleeping that you should be thinking clinical depression or even things like ME (even if that exists) in which case, he should go and see his GP and, being satisfied of whatever things he looks out for, he might prescribe him some anti-depressants.

There was a stage where I was sleeping about 18-20 hours a day last year due to depression and a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, did me a great service of making sure I got out of bed and kept me occupied. A friend should do that, which is what you're trying to do but I have to say, like someone else said, that you shouldn't let him drag you down. Remember that you have your responsibilities that supercede other people, there's only ever so much you can do to change someone else's life.

phaxx

Originally posted by flyz
Have you tried pouring a glass of ice cold water over him if he doesn't get up the first time you call him?

People like you should be shot! I used to be woken up like that by my mother some days, oh it was awful.

ykt0di9url7bc3

swiss i'm your friend and so far this year its clear to me that you do not respect the advise of the people in your house, or friends from college, CCM, concerning
a) Your moniter
b) Your projects and Attendence
c) Helping Around the House
d) The set up of your pc,
e) Your CS team Tactics....ect

And it comes down to one point,
you have no time for the advice of these people, we'll all move on to 3rd year and you will be forgotton, just a player in memories past

In the real world swiss if you ever gave the excuse as being lazy then you would be cast aside....and if you cant even listen to the helpful people who contributed to this thread, in a place where ideas and thoughts are exchanged then there is no hope for you

i wonder if you missed that point aswell...you always have

swiss

so far this year its clear to me that you do not respect the advise of the people in your house, or friends from college, CCM, concerning

There is a difference between listening to advice, respecting it, and following it. I will always listen, but my actions were, and (for the forseeable future) will be dictated by my own thoughts and feelings. This may be a fatal character flaw on my part, but I would like to tell myself how I should live my life. Could you please explain how I do not respect advice simply by not following it. You don't have to do it on this thread, if you wish.

you have no time for the advice of these people, we'll all move on to 3rd year and you will be forgotton, just a player in memories past

Hang on a sec, didn't you repeat your second year in college? Ah, you must just be a player in memories past. Get a grip, SearrarD.

i wonder if you missed that point aswell...you always have

Please explain to me how this 'advice' is helpful or friendly. It seems acrimonious to me, but hey.

This thread was created by you to ask advice on how to proceed in relation to your dealings with me. It has now descended into a petty gripe which you are dragging in front of the boards community.

Could a friendly mod please lock this thread. If you have something to say to me, please say so in person.

logic1

Now now kids... ye live in the same house surly ye can confront each other man to man instead of airing the dirty laundry on here.

Searrar I reckon if he wants out of the agreement it's better to let him. If not he'll just stop paying you and ye'll fall out over it.. probably ont worth it in the long term. If he won't get out of bed **** him.. it's his problem..

Swiss when I worked evenings in Waterford I found it hard as **** to get out of bed early.. it wasn't because I was tired or any of the rest of it it was because my routine was to get up late. If you change your routine and start getting up early you'll adjust. It's hard as **** for the first 3 or 4 weeks but after that it's simply normal and feels fine.

If you don't like the course don't go in.. **** it.. not worth doing something u hate.. stay in bed till next year then do rec man or something equally ****

.logic.

ykt0di9url7bc3

Originally posted by swiss

Hang on a sec, didn't you repeat your second year in college? Ah, you must just be a player in memories past. Get a grip, SearrarD.


Please explain to me how this 'advice' is helpful or friendly. It seems acrimonious to me, but hey.

This thread was created by you to ask advice on how to proceed in relation to your dealings with me. It has now descended into a petty gripe which you are dragging in front of the boards community.

The point being that you post here regulary......listen to some other poeple...you can actually avoid mistakes in life...this was not for my benifit....it was for yours....every body in our circle of friends will be in 3rd year next year of our course or in another course or did you not look around...you will be left behind with your class repeats and not mine...see what has happened to othe people who have failed your year....

the same advice from strangers and friends is always a good thing.....

I've always tried to help...but you never apriciate it....

eg: the night of jay's birthday when you were brought home and looked after...i told you to say thanks to all involved....

think about it carefully, of all the pointers...all the 'inside info!'...all the heads up...you'll have to admit i'm rarely wrong..and if you look at me closely...i might be an apathetic, self destructive person but i'm always there for my friends...for whatever they need or ask.....and you asked for my help, and you admitted that you needed it

azezil

Its rather apparent SearrarD that you're doing all you can to help swiss out, but when you talk a friends moving on n so fort i think thats a bit unrealistic, i failed frist year, started a new course but i still hang out with the same people!

swiss SearrarD means well

SearrarD ultimitly its his discission, you've done what you can but there's no point in geting mad / upset over it. He'll come round or repeat or go in a new direction, sometimes people just need to take it easy for a while. If he wants to get the result he'll get it but in his own time.

Be supportive but put yourself first.

MondaySpuds

Its a disgrace to think that Two mates can.. stay and live in the same place knowing ..and the real only confrontation is the one u engage in on boards...
it is beyond a all logical sense that ... SWISS would want to accept that he is going to fail the year.. i too failed a year and .. i sat back the second year as well and i know Searrard has as well.. you see when u know that you have covered all the material before u see no point in going to college .. when in fact u just go through the motions again and you dont realise the damage u cause...

Swiss ... there is more... to just getting up... its has to do with responsibilities and respect and commitment.. to both yourself and to those u share the house with....

if u had any respect to the people u live with and respect what they say you would have cosidered there point of view...

but your rite ... its your life and u can do what you want with it...


cause if you adopt this attude ... well people just wont care..

and then you will complain cause people dont care what u do...

the year isnt over.. time to grow up and take responseibility for your own life and where it is going...
or do u even have enough respect for yourself to decide that ??

Im not going to confront u anymore... cause to be honest i dont care... not to be bitchy or anything but the only person that can help u is yourself.

but swiss... just grow up... ur in college .. not in secondry .. nobody can tell u what to do only urself

Kalina

Swiss, did you ever think that maybe those people that you live with might be speaking from experience and might just know what they're talking about?!!?! Did it ever cross your mind that maybe those people are not going to bother helping you anymore? Maybe they'll give up on you entirely!! Do you think that Searrard will want to room with you again? Do you think your house-mates will want to share the same house as you again?? As far as I can see Searrard has really tried to help you this year though why did he bother. Your really need to think about what you are doing- or more to the point, what you're not doing! You have been warned that you are going to fail the year so on your head be it if you do!!!!
And another thing, why is this being posted on boards in the first place? For God's sake keep your petty little domestics to yourselves! Searrard I see your point but why do you still care??? It's obvious that Swiss doesn't want your help or anybody elses so let him make his own mistakes. As you said when he fails all of you will go to 3rd year without him he won't even be remembered!!!!!

swiss

Okay.

Originally posted by MondaySpudsIts a disgrace to think that Two mates can.. stay and live in the same place knowing ..and the real only confrontation is the one u engage in on boards...

*sigh*
Why have you decided to make this post here? Would you not be satisfied with the responses I would give you in person, or do you perpetrate "the confrontation" on boards by complaining about the confrontation on boards for some other reason, unknown to me.

Swiss ... there is more... to just getting up... its has to do with responsibilities and respect and commitment.. to both yourself and to those u share the house with....

This is the nub of the matter, isn't it. People are píssed off with me because it appears that their protestations to me appear to be falling on deaf ears, and they equate my lethargy and unwillingness to follow their advice to disrespect. At least, that is what I gather. I really fail to see what else it could be. Could you please explain what exactly you mean by that statement to me. I won't bite your head off if you approach me in person.

This applies to anyone else who would like to add something.

if u had any respect to the people u live with and respect what they say you would have cosidered there point of view...

I really don't know what to say to this. I do respect the people I live with. I do consider their points of view. I wish I could rouse enough enthusiasm to do some study, go to college, and do all these wonderful things like pass tests that everyone tells me I should do. But I can't, or won't and I'm not sure exactly why.

Im not going to confront u anymore... cause to be honest i dont care... not to be bitchy or anything but the only person that can help u is yourself

You have never confronted me about this, save this unexpected post here, which incidentally proves that you do care, in some way or other. I'm glad you see that the only person who can help me is myself, but why such a precursor to a patently obvious statement?

Am I the only person who thinks that this is my business, and nobody elses? Is a refusal to defer to the wishes of others such an isolationist and insular stance that smaks of narrow-mindedness, xenophobia and an anathemia to respect and compassion? I don't know, but others obviously feel that they do.

Are all of ye satisfied with this. Have I spelled out things clearly enough, or do I have to post responses with labelled pictures. This is getting highly frustrating, and people who have never posted before have decided to start berating me. (Check your PM Kalina.)

Let this be an end of the matter here and now on this thread. I will not be posting any more responses. I would much prefer it, and would be much more deferential to people who from now on approach me in person rather than bring this issue to boards.

ykt0di9url7bc3

the aim of this thread was for you to avoid a mistake.
Can you honestley say that you are not making a mistake by failing the year?

the point of the thread was for you to see the advise of strangers, which was the same as the advise given to you by your friends...i think thats golden advise

anonminty is a bitch to lose, but to lose a year of college?

anyway at this stage of the course it is certain you will fail the year and all my attempts to help you (i didnt beat you out of bed or attack you with water) have failed...

you will be sorry for this mistake,

SheroN

I think SearrarD and swiss wub each other.....