sponsored condoms... :)

FatB

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started
producing and sponsoring condoms....

Sainsbury Condoms - Making life taste better.

Tesco Condoms - Every little helps.

Nike Condoms - Just do it.

Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.

Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.

KFC Condoms - Finger, Licking good.

Minstrels Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.

Abbey National Condoms - Because life is complicated enough.

Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing.

Ever Ready Condoms - Keep going and going.

Macintosh Condoms - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.

Pringles Condoms - Once you pop, you cant stop.

Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper.

Goodyear Condoms - For a longer ride go wide.

FCUK Condoms - No comment required.

Muller Light Condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain?

Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the
hard work.

Halford Condoms - We go the extra mile.

On Digital Condoms - Plug and play!

Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you.

Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long.



[edit] for the subject feild to say...collection!!![/edit]

FatB

>A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother

>asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother
>tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.
>Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens,
>and he kicks a chicken.
>He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
>He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
>He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry
cereal.
>
>"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my
>cereal?" he asks.
>
>"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any
>eggs for a week.
>I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
>I also saw you kick the cow so, for a week you aren't getting any milk."
>
>Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he's
>walking into the kitchen.
>
>The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you
>going to tell him, or should I?"

EvilGeorge

lol:D

FatB

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

FatB

A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.
"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"
"Well, we work for the government and we're just dong our job," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
"Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree and Leroy, here, puts the dirt back. Now just because Elmer's sick, that don't mean that Leroy and me can't work."

FatB

A man in a blue suit had fallen off the subway station landing, and a train was bearing down on him.
People were all crowding around vainly trying to get him out before the train ran him over. Everyone was shouting, "Give me your hand!"
The man would not reach up.
Suddenly, Baba Ben Bebo, the wise guru, elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man.
"Friend," he asked with compassion, "What is your profession?"
"I am an income tax collector," gasped the man in the blue suit.
"Please sir, take my hand", said Ben Bebo.
The man immediately grasped the guru's hand and was quickly pulled to safety. Ben Bebo then turned to the amazed by-standers and said, "Never ask a tax man to give you anything."

FatB

Bob, a middle-aged Canadian tourist on his first visit to Orlando, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit,and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams,"No!" and walks quickly away!
The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Bob. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" then smacks him as hard as she can, and literally runs away!
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. The challenge is irresistible. She just has to find out what this man wants that is making her girls so angry.
So she goes over to Bob and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, drink a little, and she sits in his lap. And Bob leans forward and whispers in her ear: "Can I pay in Canadian dollars?"

FatB

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness
and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The
bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I
draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.“
The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left
home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank
together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self.“
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way:
He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take
notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round,
the bartender says, “I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted
to offer my condolences on your loss.“
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he
laughs. “Oh, no, everybody's just fine,“ he explains. “It's just that me
wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't
affected me brothers though.“

Oeneus

A dude walks into a bar and orders a cider. The barman brings him his Cider. The guy took the cider, dipped his finger in it and then drinks it.

He then orders another Cider, and again dips his finger in it before drinking the cider.

He then calls the barman over and asks for another.

The barman asks " Sorry but, what's the story with this sticking your finger in your cider?"

He replies "This girl told me that when she gets depressed, she puts her finger inside her.

FatB

ORAL SEX-AN ODE TO LOVE

Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the ****'s he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yucky stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And whats your revenge, your on the rag.

*******The Top Ten Men!!********

1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off your
clothes"
2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you
want it teased or blown"
4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you want
it in front or in back?"
5. The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once
you
have it all in, you'll love it."
6. The Banker because he says,"If you take it
out to soon, you'll lose interest"
7. The Police Officer because he
says,"Spread 'em"
8. The Mailman because he always delivers
his package.
9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and
then slows down.
10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in
the bush, shoots twice

THE CREATION OF A PUSSY

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
the lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and ****ed it,
and called it a ****.

The origination of this letter is unknown, but it
brings
good luck to
everyone who passes it on. The one who breaks the
chain will have bad
luck. Do not keep this letter. Do not send money.

Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you
wish good luck. You
will see that something good happens to you four
days
from now if the
chain is not broken.

You will receive good luck in four days.

Support Condom Week- READ it!

LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING
NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK
1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP
2. BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YR WHACKER
3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YR WILLY
4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YR SPOUT
5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YR BONER
6. YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YR
DONG
7.IF UR NOT GOIN TO SACK IT,GO HOME AND WHACK IT
8. IF U THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YR MONKEY
9. IF U SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE
TO CONDOMIZE
10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF U WRAP YR
PETER
11. SHE WONT GET SICK IF U WRAP YR DICK
12. IF U GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YR MEAT
13. WHILE YR UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS
UP YR PENIS
14. WHEN U TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND
BLOUSE, SLIP UP YR TROUSER MOUSE
15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT
WRAPYR MEMBER
16. NEVER,NEVER DECK HER WITH AN
UNWRAPPED PECKER
17. DONT BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YR TOOL
18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YR
ERECTION
19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER
OIL
20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER
HARM HER
21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

Pugsley

rofl,big collection of classics ya bundled up there

smoke.me.a.kipper

awww fatbastard, classics, all of them!!!!!!!!11!!!


microsoft condoms: where do you want to go today?

Victor

Originally posted by FatBastard
“Oh, no, everybody's just fine,“ he explains. “It's just that me
wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected me brothers though.“

Is there a baptist church in Ireland?

NeoSlicerZ

nice, me likes