Billy Connolly stuff

Trev M

I got this last week when I was in really bad form and it cheered me up lots, just thought some you guys might like it.




Billy Connolly's way to live life as quoted from his book.
>
> "Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
> Have lots of long lie-ins.
> Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must
> lie about your age, do it in the other direction: tell people you're
> ninety-seven and they'll think you look ****ing great.
> Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go
> and seeing it swimming away.
> Never eat food that comes in a bucket.
> If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every
> day just sitting.
> Boo joggers.
> Don't work out, work in.
> Play the banjo.
> Sleep with somebody you like.
> Eat plenty of Liquorice Allsorts.
> Try to live in a place you like.
> Marry somebody you like.
> Try to do a job you like.
> Never turn down an opportunity to shout, '**** them all!' at the top of
> your voice.
> Avoid bigots of all descriptions.
> Let your own bed become to you what the Pole Star was to sailors of old
> ... look forward to it.
> Don't wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.
> Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?
> ... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
> Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you when
> there's spinach on them.
> Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who
> are trying to understand the question.
> Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes.
> If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11 a.m., start one.
> Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international
> language, it has no swearwords.
> If you write a book, be sure it has exactly seventy-six '****'s in it.
> Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs.
> Don't be talked into wearing a uniform.
> Salute nobody.
> Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
> Campaign against blue Smarties.
> Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and
> square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing
> over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
> 'It's good to be alive!'. "

Dr. Loon

Originally posted by Trev M
Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and
> square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing
> over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
> 'It's good to be alive!'. "

Square sausages.... ah, they're great... much spicier than normal saussies