A Few Jokes

Mr.Applepie

A mother and young son were flying Aer Lingus. The son, who had been
looking out the plane's window, turned to his mother and said "Mom ... If
big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes
have baby planes?"
Stumped for an answer the mother suggested to her son that he ask the
stewardess. The boy promptly got out of his seat and wandered back to the
service area.
"Excuse me" the boy said to the stewardess. "If big dogs have baby dogs and
big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
"Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
"Yes" He said nodding his head.
She whispered in the boy's ear, "Tell your mother it's because Aer Lingus
always pulls out on time."

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The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his
altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house,
he's sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished.
The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him 50p. The
boy looks at the coin and says to the priest
"Thanks very much Father, you're a virgin".
The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark.
Next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot
day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest
looks at the job and this time gives the lad a pound coin. Once again the
lad looks at the coin and says "Thanks very much Father,you really are a
virgin".
At this stage the priest decides to take action.
"Tommy," he says,"that's twice you called me a virgin. Do you have any idea
what the word means?".
"Yes" says the brat,"a tight c*nt"
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Little Johnny in Love

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your
school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true
that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

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The makers of Fairy Liquid are set to release a new advert based in Dublin's
Northside. A similar ad will run in Limerick. It goes like this:
Little Boy: "Mammy why are your hands so soft"?
Mother: "Because I'm twelve"

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There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had
s*x the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20
years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of
the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it,
she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a
dildo. She got really upset.
"You impotent b*stard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me
all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says,calmly, "I'll explain
the dildo.......If you can explain our three kids."

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10 Times Bigger

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases
to 10 times
it's normal size when excited?"
Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"
So the teacher askslittle Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of
the eye." "That's correct,
Johnny. Very good!" And turning to Jessica, she says:"I've three things to
say to you, young lady...first, you didn't do your homework; second, you
have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"

Baz_

now thats more like, especially the last one LMAO:D

Lump

All of them are great, I love the one about the fairy liquid ad:) Keep them coming.


John