Different priorities

LegacyUser

Hey guys, I'd appreciate any advice I can get on what I'm going to post..
Just started seeing a new guy, and we're getting on so well, he has a gorgeous personality, really good looking, sweet thoughtful etc.. But I don't know if I can stick it out.
We're both in third year in college, but whereas I'm extremely involved in a hobbie he doesent appear to have any, apart from occasionally picking up the guitar.
I have loads of dreams, goals and ambitions and after talking to him it doesen't seem as if he has any aspirations for the future. I'm not at all suggesting he should have his whole life planned out ahead of him but just wondering if things will work in the long run or is there only one way of finding out??I think it's important for him to be involved in something outside of college so that he can relax and enjoy himself.

At the moment it isn't a problem but I'm worried that he won't understand how dedicated I am to my hobbie or how much time it takes up as he has few interests outside of work and college.
Am I being really dumb worrying about this now or is it going to become a big issue?!
I'd appreciate any advice or people who have had similar experiences, Thanks

Beruthiel

Unsure05 wrote:

Am I being really dumb worrying about this now or is it going to become a big issue?!

yes
you are being dumb.
How he spends his free time is really no concern of yours,
as long as he's happy I don't see why you'd think there is a problem.

Peace

Whats your hobbie?

Also, B said a good thing.

JungleBunny

What's wrong with not having a hobby?
Just because you have one that takes up so much time, does not mean he has to have one too.
Why does that get to you so much?

Oriel

Unsure05 wrote:

I have loads of dreams, goals and ambitions

Don't worry, you'll grow out of that.

LegacyUser

Dont wanna say my hobbie as some of his friends post here sometimes. I don't know why exactly its an issue with me, I dont want to be his only outside college intrest, I think it's important if people have some dreams or ambibions or else were just going through the motions of living.. Im really only looking for constructive advice so if your gonna keep saying Im being stupid don't bother posting!

Beruthiel

unsure05 wrote:

I think it's important if people have some dreams or ambibions or else were just going through the motions of living..

in your opinion,
not everyone considers it to be important enough to think there is a problem when it's not there to the same extent as yourself.
Live and let live,
I seriously cannot understand why this bothers you so much. Is he not happy with his life??

so if your gonna keep saying Im being stupid don't bother posting

who exactly said you were stupid?
I did agree with your good self with regards to the dumb comment.
people are giving their opinion, they are entitled to say what they think, you don't have to like it

mountainyman

If you are both 21 why should he have his life mapped out. It is not necessary at this point.

You say that you have 'loads' of plans for the future. Having your life mapped out is not about having loads of plans; it is about having 1 plan and sticking to it. That is how people succeed young.

He probably loves your dedication to your hobby why don't you tell us what it is.

Enjoy your youth it could end tomorrow.

MM

Oriel

Unsure05 wrote:

"Am I being really dumb"

Beruthiel wrote:

"yes you are being dumb."

Unsure05 wrote:

"if your gonna keep saying Im being stupid don't bother posting!"

:rolleyes:

Canis Lupus

Altho I hate it when people put song lyrics into their posts I'm going to break my cardinal rule here cos I think this is a little apt.

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know, didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t."

Get over your obsession. There are more important things to worry about in life.

audge

your both in third year college, he clearly has dreams, goals and aspirations, which he is pro-actively working toward.
Just because he doesn't bang on about all day doesn't mean he hasn't got any.
Maybe he doesn't have hobbies because is is dedicating his time to his studies?

Beruthiel

Canis Lupus wrote:

some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t..

that would be me then
if there is one thing I have learned about life, it's that it never, ever turns out like you thought it would
nor does it turn out like you planned it to at the age of 20

skywalker

Beruthiel wrote:

that would be me then
if there is one thing I have learned about life, it's that it never, ever turns out like you thought it would
nor does it turn out like you planned it to at the age of 20

Definitely & the thing the OP needs to realise is that isnt neccessarily a bad thing.

Canis Lupus

Beruthiel wrote:

that would be me then
if there is one thing I have learned about life, it's that it never, ever turns out like you thought it would
nor does it turn out like you planned it to at the age of 20

I wanted to be an astronaut

Beruthiel

skywalker wrote:

Definitely & the thing the OP needs to realise is that isnt neccessarily a bad thing.

indeed
it's a wonderful adventure

HelterSkelter

Unsure05 wrote:

Hey guys, I'd appreciate any advice I can get on what I'm going to post..
Just started seeing a new guy, and we're getting on so well, he has a gorgeous personality, really good looking, sweet thoughtful etc.. But I don't know if I can stick it out.
We're both in third year in college, but whereas I'm extremely involved in a hobbie he doesent appear to have any, apart from occasionally picking up the guitar.
I have loads of dreams, goals and ambitions and after talking to him it doesen't seem as if he has any aspirations for the future. I'm not at all suggesting he should have his whole life planned out ahead of him but just wondering if things will work in the long run or is there only one way of finding out??I think it's important for him to be involved in something outside of college so that he can relax and enjoy himself.

At the moment it isn't a problem but I'm worried that he won't understand how dedicated I am to my hobbie or how much time it takes up as he has few interests outside of work and college.
Am I being really dumb worrying about this now or is it going to become a big issue?!
I'd appreciate any advice or people who have had similar experiences, Thanks

Jaysus, you've only just started seeing him and already you're trying to change him.

Kablamo!

unsure05 wrote:

Dont wanna say my hobbie as some of his friends post here sometimes. I don't know why exactly its an issue with me, I dont want to be his only outside college intrest, I think it's important if people have some dreams or ambibions or else were just going through the motions of living.. Im really only looking for constructive advice so if your gonna keep saying Im being stupid don't bother posting!

how do you know he has no dreams, hopes or ambitions?

constructive advice- let the lad to his own devices. if he's happy the way he is; leave him be.

Hobart

Beruthiel wrote:

that would be me then
if there is one thing I have learned about life, it's that it never, ever turns out like you thought it would
nor does it turn out like you planned it to at the age of 20

Maybe just for you and not for the op. Sometimes you can surprise yourself though. I did.

OP I don't think you are dumb at all. I also think this his hobbies/extracuricular activites are your business. It's nice to know what interests your partner (even if you find it totally boring) I would shy away from trying to direct him into 1 thing or another though.

Your concerns, seem to me, to be in your own ability to accept him for what he is. You have such and such interests and he doesn't. The question you have to ask yourself is would you be able to cope with any kind of future with him if the situation stayed as is? You have listed the points that attract him to you, have you looked at those things that irk you about him?

weemcd

Unsure05 wrote:

Am I being really dumb worrying about this now or is it going to become a big issue?!

yes to being dumb.

no it wont be a big issue, unless you make it one.


If he wants to chill out watching the tv and playing the guitar a bit, why not just let him?

LegacyUser

Thanks Hobart some friendly advice is appreciated, I'm not trying to change him, just feel like itd be easier if he was into something as much as I am.. But I guess everyone is different and if he is ok with me having a lot of stuff on maybe it'l work out better because if he did have a time consuming hobbie we prob wouldnt see each other at all. I guess Il stop worrying about it and see how thinigs go

shakaman

think the problem is not that the OP's fella isn't happy with his own life, but that the OP isn't happy with her fellas life.

She expected herself at whatever age she is to be with a driven individual who has targets set at 25/30/35/40.

Now she's found herself attacted to a lad who is laid back and takes life it as it comes.

OMG this is like so not how we planned things is it!

My advice......enjoy your b/f being so relaxed, there'll be enough of them in the future that stress you out. If he finds your obsession with your hobby difficult address when that happens, don't be making problems when there are none.

THINKiknowitall

shakaman wrote:

think the problem is not that the OP's fella isn't happy with his own life, but that the OP isn't happy with her fellas life.

She expected herself at whatever age she is to be with a driven individual who has targets set at 25/30/35/40.

Now she's found herself attacted to a lad who is laid back and takes life it as it comes.

OMG this is like so not how we planned things is it!

My advice......enjoy your b/f being so relaxed, there'll be enough of them in the future that stress you out. If he finds your obsession with your hobby difficult address when that happens, don't be making problems when there are none.

some of the best advice on this thread.

unsure05 wrote:

Thanks Hobart some friendly advice is appreciated, I'm not trying to change him, just feel like itd be easier if he was into something as much as I am.. But I guess everyone is different and if he is ok with me having a lot of stuff on maybe it'l work out better because if he did have a time consuming hobbie we prob wouldnt see each other at all. I guess Il stop worrying about it and see how thinigs go

i think you just got the answer to your own original question!