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  • 29-10-2005 9:11pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭


    The hug that used to be mine
    No Longer
    The jokes I used to laugh at
    No Longer
    The smiles you used to give me
    No Longer.
    You're gone.

    The songs that we sang to
    No Longer
    The days of rain we had
    No Longer
    The looks of playful childishness.
    No Longer
    You're gone.

    The emails in my inbox
    No Longer
    The calls on the phone
    No Longer
    The prescence in my life
    No Longer
    You're gone.
    I'm sorry.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 202 ✭✭Anto and Moe


    Me likes! I like the effect that repetition like that has.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,907 ✭✭✭✭ctrl-alt-delete


    dont think i like it, i know poetry can be basic but for me this is a little too basic, there aint anything special about it?


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,056 ✭✭✭✭Tusky


    boo bloody hoo.


  • Registered Users Posts: 142 ✭✭Nirina


    Hmm, not as good as "Happiness". I ain't feeling this, i amn't a fan of the repeating thing. (I might've used it myself tho, so don't mock me!) But its still not all that terrible. I sense a small..story? Anyway, you've got more in you, i know!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,901 ✭✭✭DoctorEdgeWild


    I quite like that. I love poems with repetition and its simplicity is I think what really appeals to me. For some reason, the email mention seems really out of place, at least to me. Maybe I'm just really old fashioned!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    For me the apology at the end made it.

    Lots of things in works in this them put it on the other person.

    Well done.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    Thanks for the comments..the repetition bugged me a little at first, but i thought it worked out ok..


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