Why can't women make up their mind?

Mr. Mini Me

partner and I been swinging now for a few months she says she into it but goes so hot and cold with it I don't know where I stand! One minute all on for it and the next wants nothing to do with it ... going to a 'party' this weekend and she is less than enthusiastic. I am trying to be all positive coz everything is booked and ready to, she bought new underwear and seems like she is looking forward to it but I feel she isn't when I ask she just says "sure we'll see how it goes don't expect anything .. "

surely its either a yes or no??

BoozyBabe

Sounds more like you're into swinging & she's going along with it to keep you happy, or because she'd like to please you by doing something she knows you love, but gets nothing out of it herself.
The more she does it, the less & less she likes it, or the more proof she has that she doesn't like it, but again because she knows you do like it she doesn't want to disappoint you.

I could be way wrong, but that's what it seems like to me.

Bluetonic

Whats your actual personal issue here?

Doesn't appear to be any.

The Corinthian

Indeed. Suggest to her after this weekend whether you might both take a break from that scene for a while and see how she reacts. If she agrees or doesn't object, then you have your answer and she’s really only into it for your benifit.

Beruthiel

Mr. Mini Me wrote:

surely its either a yes or no??

surely you could ask her instead of us, we don't know her and cannot tell you what she is thinking

The Corinthian

Bluetonic wrote:

Whats your actual personal issue here?

His issue is he’s afraid that she’s not into swinging and may eventually turn round and say as much. Without her he would not be welcome at such ‘parties’, assuming she even allowed him to go without her. So, given she’s essentially his ticket in, her loss of interest could spell an end to this favourite pastime of his.

Issues rarely get more personal than that

Mr. Mini Me

I have asked her and I've told her not to do it for me. one minute she will be online looking over couples and emmailing them and the next I get "Whatever I'm not dealing with it now." when we have sex she fantasises about about couple or a woman or a man in the room and says things like we have to find someone but then when it comes to it she goes cold ...

I'd hate to think she was doing it for me but your right I do enjoy it you think I am hearing what I want to hear becaus I enjoy it?

but then why would she be so into at times?

Pink Bunny

Maybe it's the whole fantasy and talking about it more than reality that turns her on?

AARRRGH

Is she like this about other things in her life? And maybe you only really notice it about swinging because it's important to you?

pdunno

There's a big difference between peoples fantasies and what they are actually prepared to do in the flesh. It could be very easy for her to fantasise about swinging/other people etc., but the reality of the situation may not be so easy for her to deal with.

Of course there is also the jealousy aspect involved in this type of sexual encounter, maybe this is the bit she finds toughest.

You still should be talking to her about it though

Mr. Mini Me

you know guys your all right I suppose I wanted it and took it that if she didn't she would say it, god knows she does about anything else!

am gonna cancel the party this weekend give us time away from it see her reaction and if she brings it back up let her take the lead.

BoozyBabe

good call!!

You're prob disappointed & may have spent a lot of money etc, but at least you'll know how she really feels.

Maybe you could tell her you've cancelled (without actually cancelling at first) & see her reaction. If she's relieved, go ahead & cancel, if she tells you honestly that she really really really did want to do it, then you haven't cancelled anything & you still know where ye stand.

Make sure to tell her why you cancelled though (the things you've told us above)

Best of luck

WhiteWashMan

Mr. Mini Me wrote:

I have asked her and I've told her not to do it for me. one minute she will be online looking over couples and emmailing them and the next I get "Whatever I'm not dealing with it now." when we have sex she fantasises about about couple or a woman or a man in the room and says things like we have to find someone but then when it comes to it she goes cold ...

I'd hate to think she was doing it for me but your right I do enjoy it you think I am hearing what I want to hear becaus I enjoy it?

but then why would she be so into at times?

there is a huge difference between having something as a fantasy, and actually wanting to do it, or doing it.

i have many fantasies about many thngs that people would deem strange, but im not going to do it.

im with TC on this one.

super_furry

Maybe she feels under pressure to get involved just to please you.