Dumped, Upset, Feel Weird, Suicidal??

LegacyUser

hi

Im 23 male, coming off the ending of a 5 year relationship with my now ex girl(22). Dont see her anymore, she left about 4 months before the break up to start a new job in the north. Wanted to be young and single and left me for good. It is now nearly half a year and its still on my mind. For six months now Ive just gone thruough the motions; going to work, coming home week nites just watching tv,going out the occasional weekend with one or two mates(not the life and soul of the party i mite add), i have a mobile phone that barely rings and when it does its the boss,one or two decent mates or a family member. I really thought me and her were going somewhere.

Now terrible thoughts enter my head like ending my life,because even leaving the country or starting a new job doesnt appeal. I dont enjoy going for pints anymore, i cant seem to hold down a decent conversation with anybody. I feel like a zombie walking around work, its groundhog day for me everyday.
I havent laid eyes on her in the 6 months and I dont even think of her. I see similar stories on boards everyday but I scare myself sometimes with the thoughts that enter my head. Is it normal ot feel like this, and to have no ambition or will to do anything about it?

Mr.Nice Guy

It certainly seems like you're in a rut. I don't know if people on this forum will have the answers you need. Perhaps you should speak with somebody you can confide in or else a professional, especially if you are feeling suicidal.

At the end of the day, life is what you make of it. A great quote from Albert Camus is "Life is a sum of all your choices". We are where we are based on the decisions we have made in the past.

You might find this article useful if you desire more happiness out of your life.

Good luck.

Victor

123454321 wrote:

Is it normal ot feel like this

Its not uncommon. There is no real "normal" feeling.

However, it is obviously causing you some unease and you could do with someone to talk to.

Perhaps have a chat with your GP and see if he can recommend anyone.

mr.sparkle

Yes,
I know the feeling to be perfectly frank!
Who is to say that there is anything wrong with suicide?
I think you should be allowed to choose to end your own life, because if you are no use to anyone, why should it be a "moral" issue concerning your option to end your own life?

edanto

mr. sparkle wrote:

why should it be a "moral" issue concerning your option to end your own life?

Because they care about you. Everyone has people that love them dearly and it's bloody unfair to hurt yourself as a way of making the point that you're hurting emotionally.

I don't think the love [or apathy] of one particular ex-lover is enough to get your knickers in such a twist that you top yourself. And as for your comment about being of 'use' to someone. grrrrr:mad:

Enough of the non-specific 'you' and on to 123454321. Mate, I'm sorry to hear of your pain and I hope that writing about it helps you work through it to a better place.

At the end of your post you asked about having a will and ambition to change things. It seems to me that even writing that shows a deep seated wish to improve things for yourself. Sure it might take a bit of time, it might take a bit of risk - but would you agree that by even being concerned about changing things you're showing that you do have that ambition? It's up to you how fast you want to change things, no rush.

If you're looking for advice, go with the words of Vic and the Nice Guy, go look for the help you need dealing with the rough times; be that counselling, reading a book or writing one. You could PM anyone here or there might be some online counselling sites?

Adblock

Hi 123454321

The first thing I have to say is if you are having suicide thoughts. This is a warning sign you must go see a doctor and counseling if your doctor so chooses [they will not judge you so don’t let this prevent you in anyway way]. The important point is your depressed because your girlfriend left you. You know what is depressing you which makes it that bit easier to correct. A word of extreme warning depression is very strange in how it works. It’s a cycle, you get depressed and then you keep yourself they’re making it get worse by prolonging it. You need to break the cycle, your doctor and councilor can help.

Final note: for the near future STAY AWAY FROM DRINK. Drink is a depressant and it will make you worse. You will feel much better in a month by stopping drinking alone.

mr.sparkle wrote:

Yes,
I know the feeling to be perfectly frank!
Who is to say that there is anything wrong with suicide?
I think you should be allowed to choose to end your own life, because if you are no use to anyone, why should it be a "moral" issue concerning your option to end your own life?

How stupid of you to say this to a person who is not of stable reasoning to even comprehend what you are taking about. You should be banned from boards for life.

123454321

Really it’s a matter of taking the first step, go see your doctor. And remember if you can be happy for just one day in your life there is no reason you cant recreate this feeling another day, month even for life.
It’s all about the way your seeing things, and at the moment you’re seeing them badly but this can change if you want it too. Go see your doctor.

C Fodder

Why are people afraid to say that when your life has been flushed down the toilet that its not normal to feel awful maybe even think to yourself in the darkest hours of the morning of ending it all and feeling even worse when you rise for thinking this. Of course its bloody normal, everyone has been there or god help them is going to be there one day. It's called life. I can sympathise with your situation, been there, done that, took too long to get over it but I did ( took another woman to do that ). Life will get better those horrible nights will go away but it will take time. You are not strange for feeling like this and these are common feelings.

Gordon

This thread is not about the rights or wrongs of suicide. Please don't get into this here. As suggested, you should consider professional help.

OP, are there any things you wish you could do but seem impossible to accomplish, dreams you have that you could never believe would become reality?

Nasty_Girl

123454321 wrote:

i have a mobile phone that barely rings and when it does its the boss,one or two decent mates or a family member. I really thought me and her were going somewhere.

I think you're quite lucky to have one or two decent mates. From my experience decent friends are extremely hard to come by. How would they feel if you killed yourself?

123454321 wrote:

I see similar stories on boards everyday but I scare myself sometimes with the thoughts that enter my head. Is it normal ot feel like this, and to have no ambition or will to do anything about it?

Its only been six months, you were with this woman for 5 years, obviously since you were a teenager and no doubt have gone through some milestones of growing up together. Of course its going to feel bad for a while and take awhile to get back on track.
You're only 23, you just need to give your head, heart and soul some time to clear. You've got your whole life ahead of you yet.

ando

Hi,

Might be a good idea to see your doc or a councilor. Your in a rut, you just need a bit of help getting out. No matter how bad things look right now, it’s simply not as bad as it looks. You could meet the girl of your dreams at the shops in half an hour

For six months now Ive just gone thruough the motions; going to work, coming home week nites just watching tv,going out the occasional weekend with one or two mates(not the life and soul of the party i mite add), i have a mobile phone that barely rings and when it does its the boss,one or two decent mates or a family member. I really thought me and her were going somewhere.

that life your describing, its called single life. Its perfectly normal. You just need to get out more, meet more people, new people instead of staying in all the time watching TV

Binomate

123454321 wrote:

hi

Im 23 male, coming off the ending of a 5 year relationship with my now ex girl(22). Dont see her anymore, she left about 4 months before the break up to start a new job in the north. Wanted to be young and single and left me for good. It is now nearly half a year and its still on my mind. For six months now Ive just gone thruough the motions; going to work, coming home week nites just watching tv,going out the occasional weekend with one or two mates(not the life and soul of the party i mite add), i have a mobile phone that barely rings and when it does its the boss,one or two decent mates or a family member. I really thought me and her were going somewhere.

Now terrible thoughts enter my head like ending my life,because even leaving the country or starting a new job doesnt appeal. I dont enjoy going for pints anymore, i cant seem to hold down a decent conversation with anybody. I feel like a zombie walking around work, its groundhog day for me everyday.
I havent laid eyes on her in the 6 months and I dont even think of her. I see similar stories on boards everyday but I scare myself sometimes with the thoughts that enter my head. Is it normal ot feel like this, and to have no ambition or will to do anything about it?

I think you just described me, minus the girlfriend part.

dudara

Feeling bad is a bit of a vicious circle. Feeling down often pulls you down even further until you just can't see a way out. I went through a bad spell a while back, where I was quite capable of sitting somewhere, stonestill, for hours. I just shut down and become very introverted when depressed.

But you can get out. And you'll have to. Why? Because you're 23 and there's so much more to live for. You've loved a girl. That's great, because it means that you're capable of loving again.

I really would advise you to consider seeing a professional. Have a look at the sticky at the top of this forum for some links that I posted recently

LegacyUser

Appreciate all the advice and thoughts given people. I went to a councellor as suggested but I found it like an interigation more than a help. I got nothing from it whatsoever. it opened alot of wounds as I told the counsellor everything. I hate ploding around and not thinking about anything else other than her and how and why!

People are going to tell me to push myself out of this mess,pull myself out of this hole. I'm wallowing in my sorrows and its comfortable there. There is times I want to ring her and talk to her like we used to but I know I will only get a cruel and hurtful response if any at all so I'd never ring her.

I was a happy person and a content person before and during my relationship with her. Now its so empty and scary and lonely I dunno what to do with my time or how to move on. Sorry if this thread seems a bit "out there" or over the top but its coming from the heart here.

Victor

I understand you are suffering.

123454321 wrote:

it opened alot of wounds

It does, talking about things that have hurt us is difficult. Hiding them away, can mean we just store up problems though.

I hate ploding around and not thinking about anything else other than her and how and why!

Try to keep yourself busy. I know the worst part of my day is walking home from the bus stop - a few minutes alone by myself where the voices get together and beat me up.

People are going to tell me to push myself out of this mess,pull myself out of this hole.

I won't. But hopefuilly you will be able to gradually move out of the hole, maybe even fill it.

Mr.Nice Guy

OP,

Have you any close friends or family members you can talk to about the counselling? It's helpful to have people there who are supportive. It's easier to get yourself out of a hole if you have someone willing to reach down to help you out...

g'em

First off, well done for going to see someone. You've acknowledged you need help, and takena huge step forward. Unfortunately counsellors can be a bit hit and miss. You certainly shouldn't feel like you were being interrogated- sessions should go at your pace and you should open up when you're ready.

It will be painful, but trust me that talking will take away some of the edge. And you will feel better, it will just take time. Yes people will tell you to pull yourself together, and tomorrow is a new day and you get sick of it. But one day you'll wake up and realise that life is acutally pretty good, and worth holding on for.

There's always helplines like Samaritans who you can talk to when you feel totally awful and can't face talking to someone you know. They don't judge, they don't pry, they'll just let you say what you need to say. Take care of yourself.

Red Kooga

123454321 wrote:

hi


I havent laid eyes on her in the 6 months and I dont even think of her.

Then you dont miss or maybe even love her anymore. You're depressed because you're lonely, not because of her in particular. Best of luck.

Sifo

Hey OP,

I can almost feel your pain(emptiness) as i went through something similiar a few years ago. Trust me when i tell you that suicide is not an option, and I'm sure that when you look back on this in a couple of years you might just laugh at that thought.

You should take all the positives from the relationship and keep them, throw away the negatives. Not easy i know, but it'll get easier in time...

Like I always say "you must learn to be happy alone before you can be truly happy with someone else".

LegacyUser

Sifo wrote:

Hey OP,

You should take all the positives from the relationship and keep them, throw away the negatives. Not easy i know, but it'll get easier in time...

i want to do this believe you me. I want to remeber the great times. I loved this girl for so long but she completely blanked me and destroyed our relationship without giving a reason and laughed in my face. I loved her so much and cared about her, i feel all fuucked up now.How am I supposed to feel about a girl who was mad about me and shared every moment in life with me(she became my life!) and then I wake up to find its all over,faster then you can say fuuckin biitch. I hope the wheel turns because I did nothing wrong on her, I gave her all I could and I just feel so empty and lonely now. I really enjoyed being in a relationship with her. Such a lovely girl and then to do what she did I still find it hard to get my head around. I know Im feeling sorry for myseld but cant seem to do anything else.Cant believe its effecting me like it is. I dont think I would end my life over it, but horrible thoughts do enter your head

Sifo

What happened that caused her to break your heart in this way? there's gotta be more to it!!!

LegacyUser

Sifo wrote:

What happened that caused her to break your heart in this way? there's gotta be more to it!!!

honestly nothing happend she moved away and got a taste of single life,got fed up of comfort zone. boredom i suppose.

Zebra3

123454321,

What interests do you have?

I know it sounds cliched, but join a club where people share a similar interest. Apart from meeting new people, it'll give you something to talk about when you are out with the friends you have. If you have nothing to talk about, generally people won't be interested in talking to you. Conversations are a two-way thing.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

true alright.

isnt it crap that u put all your time without noticing in2a relationship and then it just ends,just like that. U go mad for a bit and get real low, the x doesnt want to talk to you, you dont want to talk to them and you just feel like hibernating for a long time. you dont want anything to do with anyone, while the former other-half goes out and has the life

Aliasy

God-such a sad story! it will get better trust me. being around your good mates is the short term solution.

The_Goose

123454321 wrote:

honestly nothing happend she moved away and got a taste of single life,got fed up of comfort zone. boredom i suppose.

Something must have caused her to do it. Not that this something was your fault. Maybe she just didnt want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

I know it hurts like hell and has for a long time but you will get to the point when you get over her and move on. Have you been seein anyone? Maybe you should, just try it. I hope it all works out for you


john

Aliasy

123454321 wrote:

true alright.

isnt it crap that u put all your time without noticing in2a relationship and then it just ends,just like that. U go mad for a bit and get real low, the x doesnt want to talk to you, you dont want to talk to them and you just feel like hibernating for a long time. you dont want anything to do with anyone, while the former other-half goes out and has the life

i really think you should calm a little and find yourself. when the time is rite throw yourself into work or activities. its over between you, and you have to accept that and look at yourself so you can move on & get over it

LegacyUser

The_Goose wrote:

Something must have caused her to do it. Not that this something was your fault. Maybe she just didnt want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

I know it hurts like hell and has for a long time but you will get to the point when you get over her and move on. Have you been seein anyone? Maybe you should, just try it. I hope it all works out for you


john

no i havent been sein anyone, dont have the chance and the will to! you see it was just me and her and we loved it. then she moves up north and feels like being an individual,ends our relationship and says some horrible things for no reason,i react very badly and start feelin sorry for myself.Its then that apart from work mates and one or two old friends from back home that I feel so alone. hate being alone, I hate my ex for hating me, and for ending it without reasoning but that was her choice nothing I can do about that. Its being alone and having to make a new life for myself after being in this comfort "bubble" for so long