Funny lists

COCK

This is for us who enjoy funny list jokes, like things to do in an elevator, or questions not to ask in foreign lands.

heres a funny one

Things to do at christmas time

Decorate your fireplace, tree, and house with long fatty strips of Christmas Bacon.

* Fill a pair of galoshes with cottage cheese and leave them by the door Christmas Eve. Check back in the morning to look for Santa's little curds-slathered footprints.

* Decorate your nipples with frosting, sprinkles, and tinsel.

* Attend Midnight Mass and hoot "boo-yah" every time the priest mentions "the savior".

* Carve stars in pumpkins, and hide painted eggs in your yard while dressed up like Abraham Lincoln. When your neighbors ask you what you're doing, respond, "I was going to ask you freaks the same thing."

* Dress up like an elf, go to a playground, and collect lunch money from kids to "pay for Santa's chemotherapy". Buy a Christmas six pack with the proceeds.

* Eat Christmas dinner at a soup kitchen in a suit and tie and complain loudly that the service is lousy, the creamed corn is lumpy, and someone smells like "ripe ass".

* Casually hang out at a mall dressed like Santa. When hurried parents ask you if you're the on-duty Santa, smile and say "No. I'm John Wayne Gacy".

* Get the crap beaten out of you for showing the "Christmas Spirit" by hugging strangers on the street.

* Boil goat heads and festoon the outside of your house with them. Suggest to neighbors that they do the same because the skulls "spook flying reindeer".

* Tell your parents you're bringing home someone special, and then arrive with a life-sized Gingerbread Man. If you're a man, tell your folks you're "gay for gingerbread". If you're a woman, tell them you have something else "cooking in the oven".

biko

Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 a.m.

In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

You catch him behind the barn drinking soda pop!

When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"

His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap!"

You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.

Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."

He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

Caught "churning butter" alone in the bathroom.

milltown

Trés, trés poor!

You should both be ashamed.

Agent Smith

ahh their not that Bad,


- Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap!"


I like

biko

milltown wrote:

Trés, trés poor!
You should both be ashamed.

Oh, I musta missed your "excellent" list?