Eye Contact

LegacyUser

Hi, I just cant seem to hold eye contact for more than a few seconds and its killing me. As soon as eye contact is made I tell myself to look away and then I just keep repeating it, leaving me looking all over the place like a nervous wreck.

Has anyone got any suggestions on how to hold eye contact for longer, I know its a self confidence thing, but seeing as I dont have too much of that it doesnt help either. I'm male by the way.

Canis Lupus

Simple really. Just keep eye contact. It's not exactly rocket science.

Zombrex

Unrgi9 wrote:

Hi, I just cant seem to hold eye contact for more than a few seconds and its killing me. As soon as eye contact is made I tell myself to look away and then I just keep repeating it, leaving me looking all over the place like a nervous wreck.

Has anyone got any suggestions on how to hold eye contact for longer, I know its a self confidence thing, but seeing as I dont have too much of that it doesnt help either. I'm male by the way.

Do you mean with people in general (your mates, your boss, your granny) or with someone you fancy?

qz

Instead of looking them in the eye, look directly between them, the person on the other end can't tell that you're not looking into their eyes.

seamus

The secret is not to look them in the eyes. That's creepy. If you maintain eye contact with someone for more than a few seconds, you'll freak them out. Rather, keep looking in the general direction of their face, and look like you're thinking about what you're saying.
That's just for general stuff. If it's a woman you're trying to chat up, maintain the contact.

For an interview, rotate your view around the interviewers. Look each person in the eye for a second or two (imagine that you're trying to make them all feel "included" in the conversation), then change your focus to the papers on the desk.

Changing what you're looking at isn't a bad thing - imagine talking to someone who stared at the wall behind you or the table for the entire conversation - but as you say, do it too much and you'll look uncomfortable or disinterested.

shakaman

Sounds like you're making yourself nervous going in to a conversation with your paranoia about eye contact.

Try and relax, focus on what you're going to say rather than where you're going to look and just let it happen. Eye contact comes naturally.

Fraggle

Hmmmm...I know a lot of people who can't seem to hold eye-contact.Its fairly usual when you are making general chit-chat to someone you are not hugely on comfortable terms with, like lets say, a co-worker or someone on the checkout or something.So in that scenario it is absolutely normal.

If its happening with friends and family, then on some level you must be feeling uncomfortable with them.I think you have thoroughly convinced yourself that you have a problem but this is unlikely.Are there any confidence and shyness issues here?With what kind of people do you find it hard to make eye contact?

Mr.Nice Guy

I read a tip that if you struggle to make eye contact you should instead look at the person's eyebrows.

Edit: Here you go - Eye contact

If all else fails, look at someone's eyebrows, which gives the illusion of staring into their eyes.

kiss103

Interresting fact ( or maybe not so interresting ) that if you work at intel there is a 10 second rule , in that you are not allowed to maintain eye contact with someone else for more that 10 seconds or it can be construed as harrassment . FACT, so maybe try working there !!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys, i'm going out tonight so i'll try put some of it into practice.

I had an interview this morning, before I posted and the one thing that let me down was eye contact (will know if I got job next week but not expecting much now). Unless i'm with some good friends I can rarely look someone in the eye for longer than a moment, even family members. There's probably many factors that make me do this but i'm not going to sit here and write a 1500 word piece on myself just yet.

Thanks for the help, will find out if it works tonight.

Victor

Practice on people, bus driver, cashier, etc.

Pepe LeFrits

It's something you can work on, build it up over time. As has been mentioned before, look at the bridge of a person's nose if you can't maintain eye contact - very few people can tell the difference.

LegacyUser

Well im back from my night out and I tried some of the 'techniques' mentioned, I tried it on someone who I knew I would have no chance of getting anywhere with i.e friends ex. I thought it worked well, I could look her in the eye without feeling like I usually did, whether it was the drink in me or just me in a different mindframe im not sure, ill have to test it out sober aswell to get some results.

I think whats part of my problem is that I see people as targets, if theres a good looking woman I see her as a potential opportunity to 'score' and if I see a guy I see him as a potential ... not enemy, but more of someone im in competition with. So many thoughts, and not one typo yet ... I should leave this until i've sobered up before continuing.

G'night.

greys

kiss103 wrote:

Interresting fact ( or maybe not so interresting ) that if you work at intel there is a 10 second rule , in that you are not allowed to maintain eye contact with someone else for more that 10 seconds or it can be construed as harrassment . FACT, so maybe try working there !!!

First time I hear about anything like this!

But then again, 10 secons of an eye contact with some people could feel a lot longer for one of the two, depending on lots of factors.