Headwrecked and confused....

LegacyUser

Hi all

Don't want this to put you all to sleep so I'll keep it as brief as possible,here goes my boyfriend of a year decided a few weeks ago that "it wasn't working" and broke my heart in the process. We were in a long distance relationship and all indications were that everything was fine..we were even making plans for Xmas when he dropped the bombshell.

Anyhoo,since then we had one conversation on the reasons for the break up and all I got was...his feelings are still the same for me but the distance is too much. We speak on the phone once a week with texts going over and back also...as if nothing ever happened and life is dandy...well its NOT..you see I can't get this guy out of my head and its peeing off. I would love to just meet up with him and talk things through without the hysterics and tears of the last time I saw him. In order to move on from this I need an explanation.

So what do ya all think?? How do I move on from this??? All suggestions greatly appreciated.

LegacyUser

You only talk once a week?

Ive been seeing a girl for nearly a year now too, she moved back to her home country around 2.5 months ago. I try and speak with her once a day. Even this is weird and feels like its not enough.

Is it too expensive for you to talk on phone, maybe he feels like its going nowhere?. its hard to feel bonded with someone when there is not much contact and no plans for the future.

Sorry to hear your feeling pain. hope you can move on when your ready.

Big hugs

LegacyUser

without trying to sound ignorant search this site for threads such as "i cant get over her" "I miss my ex" "I still love her " "friends after relationship" etc..

should be enough of advice and good pointers there

PAul

LegacyUser

Just to clarify for Mondayboy we speak once a week since we broke up. When we were actually seeing each other we spoke at least once a day but nearly always more and saw each other most weekends. Thanks for the advice though!

Jesper

Hey Leah,
I don't know if this helps but I broke up with by gfriend in what she would call out of the blue a few months back. Now as you say there there was precievebly nothing wrong and I can admit the same was true for me.
Now you ask why the break up. Such a fair question and deserves a much more conscience answer than I can give I'm afraid. I was mad about her but somehow I knew that she wasn't the one for me. But even though we never argued and had good weekends together I always had that niggling feeling.
Well eventually I formed my own answer to the situation. One day I met an old girlfriend and there was the normal chit chat and the fake promises to "see you around". But what occured to me was that at one point I had more feeling for that girl that I ever had for my existing girlf. I just though then that I've been with my existing GFriend for so long already that if I haven't developed the same feeling by now they would never come. And what told me I was right is that I know that this old girlfriend would not of been right either. So although you might be in love its not always right unless both are equally so. Now this is just me.
You deserve the truth so you should ask/demand it off of him.

Kell

Leah8 wrote:

We speak on the phone once a week with texts going over and back also...as if nothing ever happened and life is dandy...well its NOT..you see I can't get this guy out of my head.

So what do ya all think?? How do I move on from this??? All suggestions greatly appreciated.

This is going to be harsh.

Would you constantly stick a fork in your eye knowing it would cause you pain? No. So why do you keep in contact with your EX knowing it will cause you pain?

As long as you keep in contact you will be drawn into the "I miss him, I love, I cant get over this" downward spiral of madness. It only stops when you make the decision "I AM NOT CONTACTING HIM AGAIN". Otherwise you are only fooling yourself. I mean, what are you trying to achieve here? Get him back? Fúck that girl. Theres gazillions of equally if not nicer people in the world than your ex.

As myself and Ruthie always say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Seriously.

Kell

Jesper wrote:

You deserve the truth so you should ask/demand it off of him.

And he'll think "Thank fúck I dumped that bunny boiling fúckwit".

When someone dumps you, you LEAVE THEM ALONE until such a time when bumping into them causes you not to bat so much as an eyelid. Than you can ask all the questions you like. Battering someone with demands only makes them think "I really did make the right decision".

K-

AARRRGH

Leah8 wrote:

So what do ya all think?? How do I move on from this??? All suggestions greatly appreciated.

The traditional method is to go out and have sex with someone else (normally gets your mind off things!) But if that's not your style, why not write him a long e-mail with a list of questions and an explanation of how you feel? At least then you will be able to think clearly and won't have to be face to face with him, crying your eyes out, acting like something he wants to get away from ASAP...

I'm sorry you broke up. But remember, in 9 months you won't give a **** about him, and you'll be wondering why you were so upset...

Corksham

aimed at blokes but can apply to anyone really:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/139_dating_advice.html

Seraphina

off topic but most of those points involve being a bitch to your ex. i dunno. i dont see why people should be disrespected just cause they dont want to be with you any more. they're only people.

Red Alert

you'll have to not contact him i'm afraid. mentally your head will still be looking forward to talking to him and no matter how hard you try it'll be very hard not to keep having feelings for him. time to move on and meet up as friends in a month or two.

jonny68

Leah8 wrote:

Hi all

Don't want this to put you all to sleep so I'll keep it as brief as possible,here goes my boyfriend of a year decided a few weeks ago that "it wasn't working" and broke my heart in the process. We were in a long distance relationship and all indications were that everything was fine..we were even making plans for Xmas when he dropped the bombshell.

Anyhoo,since then we had one conversation on the reasons for the break up and all I got was...his feelings are still the same for me but the distance is too much. We speak on the phone once a week with texts going over and back also...as if nothing ever happened and life is dandy...well its NOT..you see I can't get this guy out of my head and its peeing off. I would love to just meet up with him and talk things through without the hysterics and tears of the last time I saw him. In order to move on from this I need an explanation.

So what do ya all think?? How do I move on from this??? All suggestions greatly appreciated.

ahh the old long distance relationships can only work for a certain time plus both parties have to make the effort in order for it to work.Your better off just moving on TBH realise it might be tough but ultimately it's for the best id say

LegacyUser

Hey Guys and Gals!!

Thanks for the advice,it was really appreciated. Well I've decided to get my ass in gear and face reality...had a slight hiccup this week when I rang him one night but he didn't pick up and didn't get in contact since. Sure I'm still hurt...sure there are still feelings there but life goes on and its too short to spend it wallowing in self pity. Chin up from now on ......thanks again to all..