Internet "'relationships"?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm pretty net-savvy and am a member of various frorums and am fully aware of the negatives and positives of having an online personality. I have a normal social life and good group of freinds. Recently I joined a site to set up a blog and found myself developing a very nice freindly correspondence with a lady in another country. We get on really well and have chatted on the phone too. It's turning quite "heavy" rather quickly however with the L word being thrown around more and more. I'm find myself feeling things for this woman i really don't know and it's a little disconcerting but exciting too. I'm in a position to travel and meet her some day but while my heart is playing along i also feel that it's a dangerous area to get into. Does anyone have any similar stories and how did it all turn out? I'm 31 and she's 33. It feels right but also... too easy or something. I haven't felt smitten like this in a while.

WhiteWashMan

sure. happens all the time.
you tend to spend a lot of time developing a relationship ina very short period of time, because you tend to be far more open and intense than if you were to do the whole dating thing.

its not a bad thing.

if you feel its good, then great, but the only thing is you get a lot of the great stuff all at once, and you get all the good things that the other person wants to tell you,a nd very little of the bad stuff, and even that is overlooked because you are infatuated with someone!

but, if you want to go for it, then go for it. there is no wrong or right. i wouldnt get too worried about hang ups or anything. tis a relationship, it just developes in different ways to a 'normal' relationship.

rambler

Go for it man, if you got the chance then to visit her on her own turf then that is good. When you get to meet up then you will surely know if it is right, spending time together is a test yes, but isn't it so in every relationship. Maybe you are scared because with online relationships you get to talk more to the person without distractions, traditional relationships you end with mates or going to pictures etc, spending time in company but not really getting to know much about the person, good luck and enjoy

Capall86

Go for it man, i have struck a great relationship online, and have missed a few chances to meet u with the girl... so if you get the chance go!

lazydaisy

The worst that could happen if you meet her is disappointment. Did you get a photo yet? You have to consider whether she would come to you or would you go to her country. Do you know anyone else in her country? Make sure if you go to her country, you have a back up plan, like another place to go if it doesn't work out or a nearby city with things to do so you dont feel like wasted your time and money travelling. Also what if it does work out... then you have a long distance relationship on your hands!!! Best of luck and keep us posted!

scoot on

I know there is pros and cons to it but I think the cons get a lot more publicity. I've had a great experience of it to be honest. A few years ago I got chatting to a fella online we struck up a great friendship. I never had any intention of getting into an online relationship but after about 12 months of chatting away we met up and completely hit it off. We were actually living in the same city anyway so it worked out brilliantly. 4 years later and we're still together, we've just bought a house together and things seem to be going from strength to strength. At the start I found it very difficult to admit I'd met my bf online but I suppose now its becoming a lot more common...

[Jackass]

Go for it man! You've got nothing to lose! Maybe it's so easy because it's just right...Maybe the reason it's usually more difficult, is cause we're trying to make it work with the wrong people.

Meet her, keep an open mind and see what happens.

Good Luck

nobodythere

Go for it, but beware - people get time to think before they talk on the net. You only see their good side.

pclancy

WhiteWashMan wrote:

sure. happens all the time.
you tend to spend a lot of time developing a relationship ina very short period of time, because you tend to be far more open and intense than if you were to do the whole dating thing.

its not a bad thing.

if you feel its good, then great, but the only thing is you get a lot of the great stuff all at once, and you get all the good things that the other person wants to tell you,a nd very little of the bad stuff, and even that is overlooked because you are infatuated with someone!

but, if you want to go for it, then go for it. there is no wrong or right. i wouldnt get too worried about hang ups or anything. tis a relationship, it just developes in different ways to a 'normal' relationship.

Very good post I agree entirely! Met a girl on the net a couple of months back and chatted like mad. sent me a pic and she was gorgeous, met, went out a couple of nights and then decided to start going out together but then everything fizzled out on my part because i realised we just had nothing at all in common. People are often quite different when u meet em and its very easy paint a picture of urself behind a keyboard. She was nice and everything but in real life i found we had constant silences and nothing to chat about wheras online that never seemed to happen.

Best of luck to the OP though, if you feel like you do then I hope it all works out! just make sure u meet somewhere public etc and everything is legit.

SexeeAussie

I say go for it!

Chinafoot

scoot on wrote:

I know there is pros and cons to it but I think the cons get a lot more publicity. I've had a great experience of it to be honest. A few years ago I got chatting to a fella online we struck up a great friendship. I never had any intention of getting into an online relationship but after about 12 months of chatting away we met up and completely hit it off. We were actually living in the same city anyway so it worked out brilliantly. 4 years later and we're still together, we've just bought a house together and things seem to be going from strength to strength. At the start I found it very difficult to admit I'd met my bf online but I suppose now its becoming a lot more common...

totally agree. I met my boyfriend through this very site and we've been going out for nearly 5 months. We had been chatting in IRC for a few months before we met and we totally clicked.

I say go for it. If it doesnt work out, well at least you went for it and wont be wondering "what if?"

Its true that quite often you only get to see the good stuff, but i guess thats where honesty comes in. I always assume (rather naively perhaps) that everyone is as honest as me online. Personally I dont see the point in the lying or creating a new persona for myself. I was lucky in that my boyfriend is the same.

As Scoot On says, its becoming more and more common and is nothing to be ashamed of in this day and age. Just be prepared for what long distance will involve if you do decide to make a go of things.

Kernel32

I meet a woman on the internet 9 years ago or so, she was in the states, me in Ireland. This was more old school times before many of the boards.ie people were online, we had to chat over 14400 modems! We managed to meet each other because her job brought her to Ireland. Fast forward to now and we are married 7 years, live in the states and have a son and another baby on the way. I wouldn't change anything about how it all happened. We still joke about the crazy people you can meet on the internet.

[Jackass]

Wow, that's a really cool story Kernel! but how did you "meet" online? I wouldn't have imagend there would been too many ICQ's or AIM's ...or even chat rooms back then, was there? I was 13 :eek: I didn't start using the net untill I was about 18.

SexeeAussie

Yeh Kernel, that is cool. Gives hope to me finding 'a love' online! Although Ireland/US is not as far away as this crazy place I live in! So nice to hear a great story like yours!

Kernel32

Contrary to the popular belief of the young'uns of today (I'm only 30 myself by the way), the internet and computer technology has been around for a while. Back in my day IRC did exist and Netscape navigator 3.0 gold edition ruled the world wide web and windows 95 was the new kid on the block. I was a pretty active member of various online communities and we stumbled across each other on IRC, on undernet I think.

galwaydude

good on ya kernel, nice to hear a happy story.

ek942

Can anyone recommend a chat room or somewhere to meet people in this way?

[Jackass]

the internets full of em...just google the word "Love"

Maybe try OK cupid? Its free, got lots of games, tests and stuff too

LegacyUser

Wow… plenty of positive responses there – thanks. But get this… I’ve only known her since last week, we chatted on the phone and it feels like love to me. I even talked to one of her kids! She’s a few years older than me and has 4 kids and is married but claims it’s loveless and they sleep separately. She sounds cool on the phone and very clued in. I could be going to see her early next year. This is crazy! I just have to follow my heart I suppose.. it hasn’t been the best compass so far however! She did send me pictures and is gorgeous.

Canis Lupus

Married but it's loveless.

I was about to say wait till she asks you for money to pay for her airfare to meet you. Then asks for more to get a passport then more to get a visa then more to travel to the nearest airport.

But nope doesn't seem like a Russian scam anymore.

Seems more like a bored housewife looking for something to pass the time with. I'd say stop talking to her. You are only gonna end up dissappointed.

Anyway consider what type of lady she is if she "apparently" is willing to leave behind her husband and 4 kids for someone she met on the net and has known for a week. Or is she bringing the kids? Insta-family!!!

Actually you're 7 years older than I am and you sound almost like the guys who send money to the Russian girls (it's my job, I hear about it alot). Go out and try to meet a real women. It's usually the more dependable way of scoring.

Khannie

recordplayer wrote:

is married but claims it’s loveless and they sleep separately.

DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!

Also.....You need to be careful getting into a relationship where kids are involved. Especially 4 of them.

Shabadu

Don't want to throw a dampener on things, but a woman you have known for a WEEK with four children and a husband, albeit one who sleeps in a different room, wants you to fly somewhere to meet her, because you might be in love? And she let her child speak to a man she has known for a week?

Er...

Beruthiel

recordplayer wrote:

Wow… plenty of positive responses there – thanks. But get this… I’ve only known her since last week, we chatted on the phone and it feels like love to me. I even talked to one of her kids! She’s a few years older than me and has 4 kids and is married but claims it’s loveless and they sleep separately. She sounds cool on the phone and very clued in. I could be going to see her early next year. This is crazy! I just have to follow my heart I suppose.. it hasn’t been the best compass so far however! She did send me pictures and is gorgeous.

you're joking right?
let me get this straight, there is this woman you've never met, she has four kids and still lives under the same roof as her husband and you think this is a good idea and are in love?

annR

Hi there

I don't think your heart is being a good compass in this case either . . .

Piece of advice: don't get involved in other people's marriages.

0utshined

Relax guys,

It's an unreg account so someone is probably pretending to be the OP. If they're not then I'd advise him to steer clear, it's more hassle than it's worth.

LegacyUser

Well, it seems she's revealing more and more about her life and it reads like a Coen brothers movie character... and not in a good way I'm cooling things down and seeing where it goes. I don't believe she's a scammer because you wouldn't make the stuff she told me up. I suppose I just fell for her charm and looks. This whole married thing is a bit creepy alright - not worth the hassle. She was getting needy there for a while. Baggage? Its like something you'd see onm the conveyor belt of the "Generation Game"!

Cheers for the words. I'm in full watchfull mode now since her last few messages. I got a chance of a real date soon with someone else anyway so reality should kick in quick.

jonny68

Beruthiel wrote:

you're joking right?
let me get this straight, there is this woman you've never met, she has four kids and still lives under the same roof as her husband and you think this is a good idea and are in love?

Id be inclined to agree,sounds like a woman who's desperate,i mean there's not a of of men who are going to take up with a bird with 4 kids eh:eek: (not to metion her husband living in the same house) as for meeting people online,the norm thesedays it seems,i met my last bird online and ended up going out for her over a year,even though i don't particulary have much time for her now,at the time it was all very exciting in the general build up to meeting for the first time and all that,i say go for it to anyone thining about it (although i draw the line with a bird with a few kids:eek:

nobodythere

Think of the children... Won't somebody please think of the children

jonny68

grasshopa wrote:

Think of the children... Won't somebody please think of the children

Chinafoot

grasshopa wrote:

Think of the children... Won't somebody please think of the children

Many a true word was spoken in jest.

Seriously though....a week?! I'd be inclined to say "get a grip, unplug and leave the house"

We cant know anybody enough to truly be *in love* after a week, especially not someone we've never even met in person!

galwaydude

mate your better off leaving.How can anyone fall in love or say those words in just a week is plain daft.Im sure her picture of isnt even the real one either.Use your common sense and find someone close to home with alot less baggage. Your just an exciting escape for her life right now so get out while you can.

LegacyUser

Well after weirder and weirder messages resultng in this woman closing her account at the blog site because she loved me too much. .. i gave a sigh of relief. I had told her to chill out, to be aware of the interent and its pitfalls and that she should work on her marriage. Yeh sure i could have just ignored her but we had chatted on the phone and had a really nice conversation so i thought i owed her the decency of a bit of advice on being cautious.

So i thought that was that.....

Then i got this message form her husband!

"Hey my wife is really hurting,I could tell by the way she acted,that she really loves you,she doesn't even love me,and that hurts.But I want her to be happy,so don't cut her off because of me.She won't use the computer anymore so maybe you'd give her another call or whatever guy."

Waaaaayyyy too weird for me i'm afraid! I have visions of a trans-sexual schizophrenic with a well in the basement and a cubard full of skin lotion

It's not putting nothing on its skin!

Jesus...

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

[Jackass]

:eek: I was all up for this meet up...one week in love...met on the net...like the other guys story...that was untill you mentioned 4 kids, chatting on the phone, the husband (who, apparently, just likes to watch) and still living together.

Scamster, psycho...oh and fake photo..AVOID LIKE THE PLAUGE!!!

I just hope you didn't give her any personell information? Like full name, adress, area you live in, where you work, ACCOUNT INFO!! :eek:

What a strange twist...Keep us updated as it happens....somethnig tells me you havn't heard the last of this woman