Mid LIFE crisis at 24

old_lady

I am 24 years old, just turned 24 two weeks ago, and unless I am around people who are a few years older then me, I feel old, and then I panic.
I panic because I don't want to be old, and I don't want to get old. I don't want to look old and I don't want the responsibilities that come with being older.
My Boyfriend is 22 at the end of the month. his last girlfriend was 3 years younger then him, which is 5 years younger then me!!!
I battle with myself constantly because I don't want to be married or have kids or pay bills or have a mortgage, but at the same time I do want to be with my boyfriend for the rest of my life, I think I would be a good mother, maybe ten years from now, I do want to do well in work, be successful and climb that career ladder to the top, I do want to buy my own house and I do want to buy my own car.

I know I look a bit younger then I actually am because my family and friends tell me so, and I still get asked for I.D everywhere I go, but a couple of weeks ago I flipped the lid at some party hoster's.(I am head of marketing and promotions for a night club) I lectured these guys for about twenty minutes, and finished by saying "I really couldn't be bothered to discuss this any further, it is my birthday tomorrow and I just want to go home" to which one of the guys asked me how old I was, when I told him, he looked shocked and said "I seemed way older".
This comment actually scared the life out of me, do I want to be so serious about my career that I age my personality??
Am I making myself appear older then my years by climbing the career ladder? I only finished college in June, and I am now the marketing manager for an IT company, as well as being head of marketing and promotions for the club I mentioned earlier.
I do not want to jeopardize my career because of some irrational fear I have of getting older.
How do I overcome this? I seem to be doing everything I can to seem younger, including acting all innocent and asking for help I don't need from people in work, which is embarrassing, and something I know I will regret down the line.

I feel as though I am going through a mid life crisis, and I know I am being absolutely ridiculous, the sensible part of me knows that 24 is the begining, nowhere even near the middle and certainly no where near the end. And I also know that people have way bigger problems and that I should just shut up and get over myself, but seriously, these thoughts consume me every day, how do I get over this and get on with just being myself?

hullaballoo

the guys in the nightclub just had some respect for the way u stood up to them which made you seem older in their eyes (unfortunately its rare to have girls your own age have a go at u--if they did, some guys would be much better off!)

These are all issues that affect everyone, you're not alone here. I'd say this thread belongs in Personal Issues though--it'll get a more accommodating response there!

Esel

Come on. 24 is not old.

MorningStar

You sound like a typical 24 year old who is full of their own self importance

LegacyUser

do you use one of these?



you're not old, you're 24, grow up, not too much......

audge

MorningStar wrote:

You sound like a typical 24 year old who is full of their own self importance

Well the person did say that they knew they would come accross as freaking about nothing, its a big deal to them tho

MorningStar

audge wrote:

Well the person did say that they knew they would come accross as freaking about nothing, its a big deal to them tho

Yes and all I am saying is that is typical of somebody who is in there mid 20's. It all feels real to us all when we feel something but you realise that doesn't make it reasonable. 24 and moaning about being old is an imature and limited view.

Jonny Arson

MorningStar wrote:

You sound like a typical 24 year old who is full of their own self importance

paperclip wrote:

do you use one of these?



you're not old, you're 24, grow up, not too much......

2 completely unecessary posts. This is the P.I. thread where people ask to for advice not to be talked down to or insulted.

Beruthiel

old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative....

honestly, get a grip, you're a 24 year old baby, you could possibly live to the ripe old age of 90.....
we seem to live in an age where by once you reach 30 you should be dead soon, or so the tv and mags would have you believe.
It's a number, so what? if you were comfortable with yourself and relaxed and confident about who you are as a person, this wouldn't bother you, I suggest you work on your esteem issues

oh and lads
keep it on topic please!
B

DublinWriter

old_lady wrote:

I panic because I don't want to be old, and I don't want to get old. I don't want to look old and I don't want the responsibilities that come with being older.

More and more people are chosing to not to have kids or get married. There are still social pressures that will try and make you feel freakish if you're not hitched and dragging a couple of screaming sprogs around B&Q of a weekend.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about looking older. It's called life. You are either accepting of it or will make yourself miserable trying to fight it in the long term.

old_lady wrote:

I battle with myself constantly because I don't want to be married or have kids or pay bills or have a mortgage, but at the same time I do want to be with my boyfriend for the rest of my life ... I do want to buy my own house and I do want to buy my own car.

How can you reconcile not wanting to pay a mortage and bills with wanting your own place and a car?

Stop obsessing about age and just get on and life your life to its fullest.

audge

I can kinda get where old_lady is coming from, when your in college, well, it feels like you never left school, you dont have to make your own decisions, your told what to do, and if I am honest, its kinda nice.... whe you leave college its time to start planning your future, at 24, Im 23, you have to start thinking about real "grown up issues" like career choices, and even mortgages... or moving out and renting, suddenly you have bills to pay, and your whole time table is very strict, where as you used to have college for a few hours on a monday, half day tuesday, late day wendesday... etc, now every day is 9-5, lunch at 1, weekends off etc.... its a transition, but every one goes through it, some people love it and welcome it, some people are terrified of it... its not really all that differnt from when you leave primary school and start secondary school, you feel like the small fish in the big pond, and the world is a scary place. Suddenly you are surrounded by people who are a bit older then you, maybe married, and yeah its scary, you just came from the student cycle.....
Seriosuly though, the next ten years will probabaly be the best years of your life, or at least thats what I think, your fully qualified, young, talented, energetic, you have the world at your feet, your about to earn real money for the first time in your life.... so much will happen in the next ten years, and its all good.... you will make your way up the career ladder, hop onto the property ladder, be able to afford nice clothes and holidays, maybe buy your first car, maybe get married, or engaged, who knows.... none of those things are bad, or to be afraid of.... well thats what I think!

Audge:p

MorningStar

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

2 completely unecessary posts. This is the P.I. thread where people ask to for advice not to be talked down to or insulted.

It was posted in After hours! If had been in PI that would be different. It is now so she can get more friendly advise.
But she doesn't sound older or younger than her age which is my point!

jimbling

Obviously 24 is not old.... it is to a 10 year old... but its young to a 40 year old... the world has different views. But I don't think it is your fear of old age or death that is the problem, it is just a fear of growing up, losing your freedom - due to kids mortgages etc etc.... I know a lot of people like this.

And your right! That may not be what you want to hear, but its true. The people that will tell you to shut up, and stop whining.... they're either unaware of the problem... or have problems of there own.. ie there 40/50 and hitting the next change in life.....

One life ends and another begins.... (although you could easily have another 5-10 years before it really kicks in).

It is a change, rather than just getting old. It is the same as changing from a kid to a teenager... your prioritys change, your lifestyle changes, and the actual changeover is tough, but you will enjoy the new life in other ways to the old... its just a different view on the world.

think about it.

The Sweeper

Look at it this way, the earlier you become advanced in your career, the earlier you'll be able to retire and actually do some living.

audge

jimbling wrote:

Obviously 24 is not old.... it is to a 10 year old... but its young to a 40 year old... the world has different views. But I don't think it is your fear of old age or death that is the problem, it is just a fear of growing up, losing your freedom - due to kids mortgages etc etc.... I know a lot of people like this.

And your right! That may not be what you want to hear, but its true. The people that will tell you to shut up, and stop whining.... they're either unaware of the problem... or have problems of there own.. ie there 40/50 and hitting the next change in life.....

One life ends and another begins.... (although you could easily have another 5-10 years before it really kicks in).

It is a change, rather than just getting old. It is the same as changing from a kid to a teenager... your prioritys change, your lifestyle changes, and the actual changeover is tough, but you will enjoy the new life in other ways to the old... its just a different view on the world.

think about it.

Couldnt have said it better myself!!

Tazz T

The same sort of thing happened to me when I was 24. I was in a dead-end job that I hated. It freaked me out that on my next birthday I'd be halfway to 30 :rolleyes: and to me that seemed old at the time.

It concerned me until I was about 26 and then it dawned on me that I was being stupid and it actually meant nothing at all.

When I turned 30 I felt perfectly happy with it and even had a career change. Last month I was 40 and I thought nothing of it (I had a fabulous day sailing around a Greek island). In retrospect, I'm glad I had my 'mid-life crisis' at 24 because it would be far more depressing to have it in my thirties or now.

You'll get over it. Start realising that you're growing up and enjoy it. Your whole life can change drastically in the space of a couple of years.

old_lady

There is some really good advice here, and for those of you who sugeest I get over it, your absolutely right!! I knwo I should get over it. It is a stupid irrational fear that I have, and I know there is no point fighting it, because I cant turn back the clock!!

Beruthiel

old_lady wrote:

because I cant turn back the clock!!

and why would you want to?
with each passing year we grow more comfortable in our skin and happier with our lives (well, if things are going as they should).
I'm no spring chicken, but my life has just gotten better and better with each passing year, I wouldn't go back to any previous age tbh (though maybe I'll revise that comment when I hit 60! )
either way, there is nothing to fear and each decade has it's own pros and cons, no matter what age you are!
If you live your life to the full there will never be any regret

Zillah

I lectured these guys for about twenty minutes, and finished by saying "I really couldn't be bothered to discuss this any further, it is my birthday tomorrow and I just want to go home" to which one of the guys asked me how old I was, when I told him, he looked shocked and said "I seemed way older"

That was obviously a matter of social order. We may all pretend to be nice advanced beings, but deep down his brain was going "Woman shouting at me, must be superior in rank, clearly mother, or older sister. Obey"

audge

jimbling wrote:

Obviously 24 is not old.... it is to a 10 year old... but its young to a 40 year old...
think about it.

Ha ha ha, I am 23, and I have a 10 year old sister, and she thinks I am ancient... the other day she told me that by the time she had her 21st, I would probabaly be dead.... charming!!!

simu

old_lady wrote:

There is some really good advice here, and for those of you who sugeest I get over it, your absolutely right!! I knwo I should get over it. It is a stupid irrational fear that I have, and I know there is no point fighting it, because I cant turn back the clock!!

Ah, you'll get over it in a while. All you have to do is think back to how inexperienced and nervous the average 18-year old is and be thankful for the life experience that differenciates between you and them!

I got a bit odd like that when I turned 25 but now it's really not an issue anymore. One moves on!

Also, while you have to maintain a professional image at work, you relax in your free time and do silly, "youthful" things from time to time!

dudara

It is a wee bit irrational. just wait until you hit 30

Seriously, I'm just finishing my PhD, and will be facing the job market soon for my first serious job at the ripe old age of 27. I'm a little concerned that my age might work against me looking for my first job, but then I think, "screw that". I'm happy in my skin, and as Beruthiel said, life gets better each year you get older.

iguana

old_lady wrote:

I know I look a bit younger then I actually am because my family and friends tell me so, and I still get asked for I.D everywhere I go, but a couple of weeks ago I flipped the lid at some party hoster's.(I am head of marketing and promotions for a night club) I lectured these guys for about twenty minutes, and finished by saying "I really couldn't be bothered to discuss this any further, it is my birthday tomorrow and I just want to go home" to which one of the guys asked me how old I was, when I told him, he looked shocked and said "I seemed way older".

I have had similar situations to this. I am 26 but look quite abit younger than I am. I was a manager in my last job and one of the guys who worked for me was shocked to learn that I was 26 as he was convinced I was at least 30. I was very surprised that he thought I was this age. But he was 29 and I suspect he just assumed that as I was his boss, was in a long term relationship and was in the process of buying a house then I must be older than him.

When you are at work you have to act responsibly, it is no reflection on how you act in the rest of your life. But when these guys saw you in a position of authority they probably just sub-conscioussly figured you were older than them.

As for your worries about marraige and mortgage. It is a myth that these things age you. In many ways they can provide more freedoms than they take away. There is no need for you to rush into marraige. If you only want to be with your bf, then all you have to do is be with him and get married when you both feel ready for it.

But if you feel you are in a position to buy property you should look into it. The sooner you buy a place the easier it will be. Imo property prices will most likely continue to rise. If you do buy your repayments will hold steady as your salary rises, in real terms you will be paying less in 5-10 years than you are now.

audge

iguana wrote:

I have had similar situations to this. I am 26 but look quite abit younger than I am. I was a manager in my last job and one of the guys who worked for me was shocked to learn that I was 26 as he was convinced I was at least 30. I was very surprised that he thought I was this age. But he was 29 and I suspect he just assumed that as I was his boss, was in a long term relationship and was in the process of buying a house then I must be older than him.

When you are at work you have to act responsibly, it is no reflection on how you act in the rest of your life. But when these guys saw you in a position of authority they probably just sub-conscioussly figured you were older than them.

As for your worries about marraige and mortgage. It is a myth that these things age you. In many ways they can provide more freedoms than they take away. There is no need for you to rush into marraige. If you only want to be with your bf, then all you have to do is be with him and get married when you both feel ready for it.

But if you feel you are in a position to buy property you should look into it. The sooner you buy a place the easier it will be. Imo property prices will most likely continue to rise. If you do buy your repayments will hold steady as your salary rises, in real terms you will be paying less in 5-10 years than you are now.

Wow, I might take a bit of that advice on board myself!

hullaballoo

audge wrote:

I can kinda get where old_lady is coming from, when your in college, well, it feels like you never left school, you dont have to make your own decisions, your told what to do, and if I am honest, its kinda nice.... whe you leave college its time to start planning your future, at 24, Im 23, you have to start thinking about real "grown up issues" like career choices, and even mortgages... or moving out and renting, suddenly you have bills to pay, and your whole time table is very strict, where as you used to have college for a few hours on a monday, half day tuesday, late day wendesday... etc, now every day is 9-5, lunch at 1, weekends off etc.... its a transition, but every one goes through it, some people love it and welcome it, some people are terrified of it... its not really all that differnt from when you leave primary school and start secondary school, you feel like the small fish in the big pond, and the world is a scary place. Suddenly you are surrounded by people who are a bit older then you, maybe married, and yeah its scary, you just came from the student cycle..... Seriosuly though, the next ten years will probabaly be the best years of your life, or at least thats what I think, your fully qualified, young, talented, energetic, you have the world at your feet, your about to earn real money for the first time in your life.... so much will happen in the next ten years, and its all good.... you will make your way up the career ladder, hop onto the property ladder, be able to afford nice clothes and holidays, maybe buy your first car, maybe get married, or engaged, who knows.... none of those things are bad, or to be afraid of.... well thats what I think!

Audge:p

One word...paragraph

ando

hey Old_lady, I'm 24 aswell and I also get asked for ID :rolleyes: . People are really supprised when I say I'm 24, but there you go. I had the exact same feelings you have when I turned 24 a few months ago but you get over it

pclancy

Im turning 24 next week and must admit to being a little scared about running out of time or getting old but then i took stock of things and came up with the following:

1. I could be dead in the morning, stop worrying about age ffs
2. There are many counties in the world where people arent really expected to live till 24 and have had an amazingly hard time getting there if they do. I live in ireland and am very lucky to have had an easy enough time this far.
3. At this age its still okay to have friends in their teens yet the whole adult world pretty much accepts you as being an adult.
4. The next ten years are going to be completly different to the last. I cannot imagine where I'll be/what i'll be doing when im 34 so its exciting to just live and see what happens!

You're still young. Live your life and be happy! You sound like a nice person so you should enjoy it

PS Nice car Ando- I share the respect TDI is the way forward