can't enjoy life without my boyfriend

LegacyUser

I’m 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years.
We have a normal relationship, nothing spectacular or strange.

I hate going out without him, I don't enjoy myself I never want to go out with my friends or go away and it eats me up that he can enjoy himself without me.

I know this is ridiculous and I don't want to feel like this. I want to be able to go out and have a laugh with my friends and for him to do the same without me caring.

Has anyone else ever experienced this and what did ya do?
Ta

Beruthiel

sad wrote:

I know this is ridiculous and I don't want to feel like this. I want to be able to go out and have a laugh with my friends and for him to do the same without me caring.

yes it is rediculous
you haven't explained properly why you need him to be with you?
it's unhealthy to need to be with someone 24/7, we all need space.
what if ye were to break up? what would you do then?
I suggest you stick with seeing your friends no matter how you feel, they will always be there

WhiteWashMan

what feelings do you get when he goes out without you?

what is it about going out without him that you dont like?

shakaman

It's not uncommon for the situation to arise where someone ends up spending more time with her partner than friends.....but to actually not enjoy time with friends because b/f ain't around, I would say that's almost unheard of.

I'm with Beruthiel on this one, learn to enjoy time with your friends, they'll be the ones you need to turn to if things don't work out. Focus on who is there rather than who isn't when out with friends. Creating a dependancy on someone is never a good idea, what happens if he leaves you and you've been ignoring your friends for 2 years, they won't be racing back to you comfort you that's for sure.

The Troll

sad wrote:

I’m 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years.
We have a normal relationship, nothing spectacular or strange.

I hate going out without him, I don't enjoy myself I never want to go out with my friends or go away and it eats me up that he can enjoy himself without me.

I know this is ridiculous and I don't want to feel like this. I want to be able to go out and have a laugh with my friends and for him to do the same without me caring.

Has anyone else ever experienced this and what did ya do?
Ta

Have been in a similar situation (as your boyfriend). You really ened to get out and have fun with your friends. If soemthing goes wrong they'll be the ones who are always there for you. Don't alienate them or yuour boyfriend by being a leech. Your ened to be with him si probably driven by some insecurity that you have, one that he gets rid of when you spend time with him.

Dave

What did you do before your boyfriend? Did you enjoy time with your friends then? If so, then what has changed so dramatically since then?

Naid

Listen you are really going to have to cut that out - seriously. I was in a relationshiop for 3years and at the start I didn't want to be with my friends I wanted to be with my boyfriend 24/7. I spent all my time with him going out with his friends, not bothering with mine at the time I was very fragile and he took advantage of this. It then began after a year and half that he went out with his friends on his own sometimes BUT I was not allowed to go anywhere with mine - it was like he had some sort of hold on me - it was awful. After 3 years I did finally mangage to get out of the relationship. But because he knew I wanted to spend all my time with him he took advantage of this and basically made my life a living hell. I am not saying your bf will do this but girl your not joined at the hip get out there and live your own life with out him - the time you do spend together then will be much more enjoyable.

Good look with it all

LegacyUser

WhiteWashMan wrote:

what feelings do you get when he goes out without you?

what is it about going out without him that you dont like?

when he goes out or when I'm out on my own I guess I just miss him. I like having him around! Sometimes I am out but looking forward to going home to be with him.

I know I should cop on and you are all right I'm sure my friends won't stick around if I don't bother to spend time with them ever.

Its just hard and I don't know why.

Fraggle

Its detrimental to be too clingy to any one person. I think you need to see yourself as your whole self who just happens to have a boyfriend rather than letting the relationship become who you are. Clinginess and being too needy are major turn-offs and even though you have reached the two year stage your boyfriend may eventually find this off-putting.You need to start thinking outside this little relationship bubble. I know where you're coming from and I think that sometimes your independence and fun-loving self can get sucked away when you become so attached. Trust me, your boyfriend will find you all the more appealing if you sees that you pursue your own interests and live life to the fullest. Stop this unhealthy behaviour and go on the piss with your friends!!JUST DO IT!!

breadmonkey

You'll smother him, then you'll lose him. Step back

Endurance Man

Could it be that your maybe jealous or worried that he may be chatting to other chicks? Just a thought.

Seraphina

i get that too sometimes, i think it has alot to do with the strong sense of security i get from being around him.
i really enjoy spending time with him but i realise it doesn't help, so i'm really makin an effort to spend more time away from him. unfortunately when he lives up the road and all my friends are miles away, its pretty difficult!

WhiteWashMan

sad wrote:

when he goes out or when I'm out on my own I guess I just miss him. I like having him around! Sometimes I am out but looking forward to going home to be with him.

thats fine, but its not really what i asked

sad wrote:

I know I should cop on and you are all right I'm sure my friends won't stick around if I don't bother to spend time with them ever.

then maybe you should make more of an effort to see them.

you know, there ireally is no problem in going out with your boyfriend to see you friends, and there is no problem in seeing them with out him.

i just want to understand what it is that you are feeling when you are out without him.

i mean if you turn around and say something like 'i hate it when he goes out becuase i think he might find someone else to be with and im worried he may dump me' then you have some serious issues.
on the oither hand, i used to have a girlfriend who wouldnt let me see any of my friends, and always had to be around because what she actually needed was for me to entertain her 24/7.
i actually had to lock myself inthe toilet for hours at a time with the excuse that i ate something dodgy, just to have a quite read!
erm... anyway!
you need to figure out what it is that is the problem. what you feel, why you feel it. and not just 'i look forward to seeing him'.
thats your dog...

anyway, thats your weekend assignment. come back on monday and tell us what youve found out

Jesper

Thats fairly sad. If you were my girlfriend you'd scare the shti out of me if you admitted that to me!

Seraphina

Jesper thats not exactly helpful. i feel insulted myself cause i feel like that too sometimes!
in case you haven't noticed, she's said it herself that realises its not normal and that she doesn't want to feel like this.

Dinxminx

I feel like that too sometimes. Ummm I love my friends but I find it so hard to do it properly.... Like, balance him and them. Plus the fact that they're not really friends with him makes hanging out together hard... It sucks, but it's like a habit you know you should break but can't.

idontknowmyname

I agree with the comments made that what if you break up- what will you do then? we all love spending time with our boyfriends but not 24/7, 7 days a week. What were you like before you got together with your current boyfriend? Did this happen with previous relationships?