Do I ask him out??

BoozyBabe

Hi guys!

This is V trivial to most stuff on this board, but I thought I'd ask anyway.

Went wit dis fella yrs ago. It ended soon after on good terms. Continued meeting as mates now & again (wit other mates there too)

Recently I've been in to him (for about a yr) & he's been into me too (or so he said), but circumstances didn't allow for us to be together. Circumstances have now changed & a few weeks ago we shifted.

I haven't seen him since, the odd time that we've text we haven't mentioned what happened at all. We're both pretty backwards bout our feelings.

I want to see him again. The way I'm thinking now is that we've waited & wasted long enough, & enough bull**** already.

I want to text him & ask him out for a drink this weekend, but I'm afraid he'll say no, as I'll still bump into him on a regular basis & that could be embarrassing

Basically, I'm afraid what he's been thinking & feeling for the last time was all fantasy & when he got a taste of reality he realised it wasn't all that, & he's kind of hoping that I'll forget about it.

On the other hand, he's not used to relationships & might just be waiting until the next time we happen to meet to do anything again, but I don't know when that'll be & I'm not sure if I can wait that long (it could be this weekend, but it might not!!!!)

What would you suggest I do?
Do I play it cool & see where it gets be, or do I take the situation by the balls & do something about it? (it was me who told him my feelings a yr ago & in doing so, got his feelings back in return, it was me who took the iniative a few weeks ago & look what I got in return)
Will I get a good reward if I show iniative again or will I leave it to a chance meeting?

Beruthiel

I would suggest you follow the sentiment of your own signature and ask him out

DonkeyStyle \o/

BoozyBabe wrote:

I want to text him & ask him out for a drink this weekend, but I'm afraid he'll say no, as I'll still bump into him on a regular basis & that could be embarrassing

Pff, welcome to a guys world tbh.

Tobias Greeshman

Would you rather look back on this in years to come and wonder what if I had of asked him out. You only have one life, so do you want to live a safe life taking no risks, or take one and get the chance to be happy? Besides guys love girls to make the first move anyway!

Töpher

Text and offer a free shift.

BoozyBabe

Einst&#252 wrote: »

Text and offer a free shift.

Ha Ha!!!!

No way, a girl has to make a livin' some way!!!!

Oh & for another comment, it's not that I'm going to let this one slip by indefinitely, I'm just wondering do I play it cool for now & see how it plays out for a while & if I'm not happy then do something about it, or do I just get on with it now.

Wondering does that make me look pushy & or desperate???

Kolodny

If he's said he still likes you, the odds are in your favour. If you've usually been the one to make the first move but you've got the desired result, then maybe he's just a bit shy. Go for it.

mikeruurds

Hey Boozybabe

Give him a call. The worst thing he can do is say he's not interested. At least then you know what's cutting and you can move on with your life. If he says "yes" you'll probably get a chance to talk and you can lay out your expectations to him.

It's possible that your last experience was a one time only thing for him which he might or might not want to repeat on a casual basis. Maybe this suits you and then you can make booty calls in the future. Just do yourself a favour and make sure that whatever "arrangement" is made in the future is mutually acceptable. The last thing you want to do is to get more emotionally attached to him and find out in a few months time that he only ever viewed you as worthy of the occasional "shift". I don't mean to lecture you or anything, but getting lovey-dovey with a mate can be a mine field if you're not both singing from the same hymn sheet.

Of course... you'll never know the full story if you don't pick up the phone and give him a call.

BoozyBabe

Thanks Mike.

I do know that he was interested in something serious.
He still hasn't said that he doesn't want something serious, he hasn't said anything at all.

He's waited so long for me that I'm just afraid that he built me up to be something I'm not & then when we did shift he realised I'm not what he thought so now he doesn't want me. (I sort of don't think this is the case, but you can't help but think maybe it is)
For me on the other hand, it was everything I imagined it would be.

I guess I'll contact him, but I'll be so embarrassed if he says 'eh, no!'

Plus, when we do see each other out, we've normally a few drinks on us & there's other people to share the conversation with at first.

What the hell do we talk about if we do go out the two of us for a couple of sober drinks!!!!
I dread to think how awkward it might be, & if it's awkward, will that also ruin my chances with him.

Good old Irish eh, can't do anything without being trollied!!!

WhiteWashMan

why would you play it cool?

will it make you more attractive, or will it make you look not interested?

mikeruurds

Hey again

Give it a go... if you don't you'll always regret it. If he's the type that wants commitment then you've got an even better chance . He must have been sober during some of the time that he knew (and fancied) you.

Don't underrate yourself so much. You sound like a lovely person and I'm sure that things will go just fine. If you are confident and straight with him then you'll have no regrets. You can't force anyone to reciprocate your feelings, but at least you'll know where you stand once you've approached him with the subject.

He's probably just too worried that you'll reject him!!! I fell in love with (and married) my best friend. When I first told her how I felt she could barely look at me. She thought that our friendship was dead and was in total shock as all of her previous relationships had ended badly.

Have that sober chat with him and see how things play out. It always pays to be honest and show that you care.

Good luck!

mikeruurds

BoozyBabe wrote:

He's waited so long for me that I'm just afraid that he built me up to be something I'm not & then when we did shift he realised I'm not what he thought so now he doesn't want me. (I sort of don't think this is the case, but you can't help but think maybe it is)

If you're close friends then how could you possibly not live up to his expectations. If he knows you then he wouldn't have gone ahead with it unless he cared about you (not just how you could gratify him sexually). It's a lot easier to have a one-nighter with a stranger than to move to the next level with a friend... no matter how langered you might be at the time.

Did you have a chat after your last liason... I mean "pillow-talk"... or did you part with zero contemplation? Maybe he has exactly the same feelings that you're having.

Go on... take a risk and call him.

BoozyBabe

Sorry guys, only just saw your posts!

WWM: He hasn't had a serious relationship since me & that's a LONG time ago, over 5yrs, I think. He wouldn't be used to having a girl pester him with phone calls, & texts etc... I'm afraid if I push it too much I'll scare him off. I also told him I wanted it to be pretty casual at first (to get my head around the idea) but hey, my head's around it already & 2weeks without contact is getting a bit much for me!!!

Mike: Yea, I know we're really good friends & we've always got on so well, but I did break up with him before remember & I'm afraid I'll do something rash again that will scare him away from any kind of relationship with me.

There was pillow talk (but I was still rather tipsy during it so I don't remember that much). I stayed at his house that night, but nothing more happened. The next day was V rushed & so nothing more was said & we parted company.

I'll try to be brave tonight & let you know what happens.

Thanks for the advice.

Faith

I was in somewhat of a similar situation recently where I'd really liked my friend for over a year and then discovered he liked me too. Part of me was terrified that I'd built him up in my head and as soon as we kissed, I'd realise that I was wrong about my feelings for him. But when we did (eventually) kiss, it was unbelievable. It was just so perfect and I realised that I actually liked him even more than I thought I did. That's hopefully the case with him too. Either way, ask him out. You'll only regret it if you don't and the worst thing that can happen is that he'll say no- which you'll get over!

BoozyBabe

Well guys!!!

I don't ever ask for advice & then ignore it so I text him last night. (Yea I know what ye'll say bout texting but beliee me, I know he'd prefer that to phoning as he'd find talking V difficult if the answer was no)

So, I told him after everything I wasn't about to get shy now, so did he want to go to this local event that's on tonight or meet for a drink this weekend & reassured him that as we're friends it was ok if he didn't want to, there'd be no harm done.

Got a reply, but don't think I got a result!!!
He said he couldn't do tonight as he wouldn't be in the area tonight. (Quite possible as he is involved in lots of things & is often away)
He said he'd be in town tomorrow night.
(Didn't say yes, we'll meet for drinks tomorrow night, he said HE'D be in town, which I take to mean that him & his friends will be out tomorrow night & I can be out with my friends & bump into him if I feel like it.
Problem is all my friends are getting old & boring & it gets harder & harder to get them out. I mentioned that I might not get company to go out but I'd have to wait & see, to which he never said come on out with us.
(I know he's been single for a V long time & has always went out with his 2 closest mates so probably doesn't want to just drop them whenever I come along, I understand this)

Anyway, I have NO regrets. I've done all that I can, the ball is in his court now. He knows that I'm interested in him. If I get out tomorrow night I'll see what the atmosphere is like between us & I'll be able to judge from that.
If I'm not out then it'll be up to him to contact me if he ever wants to.

I tried, & that's all a person can do. If it doens't happen it's not because I didn't make my feelings clear.

Time will tell!

jcoote

u did the right thing fair play!!!

mikeruurds

Yeah. Well done Boozy. If he's not the man for you then someone else will come around. At least you won't spend the next year waiting for him to show interest.

Now that you've made your intentions known it's up to him. In the meantime you can move on.

I hope you have a romantic weekend

Mike

BoozyBabe

Thanks Guys!

Yea, hopefully this weekend there'll be less of the Boozy & more of the Babe!!!!

I'll post on Monday & let you know if I went out or not & what happened.

& as for someone else coming around, last weekend I got chatted up for 2 hours by a Polish Tourist who couldn't speak any English!!!!!!! (Ok, chatted isn't the correct word exactly, it was more like one word over & over again, followed by Polish Gibberish & constant kisses to the hand!!)
Hopefully this weekend I'll atleast get a conversation!!!! :O>

WhiteWashMan

conversation?

still think you were better off phoning.

BoozyBabe

WWM: No I wasn't talking about the guy of this thread when I said conversation!
I meant as opposed to sitting for 2 hrs with someone who can't speak English mumbling words at me!!!!!!
In other words: have a conversation with anyone this weekend! (All the better if it's with the guy of this thread)

mikeruurds

Boozybabe... I'm just hoping for your sake that your man grows a set and can be honest with you this weekend.

Your description of the text message didn't sound as promising as I'd hoped it would be.

Have a good weekend!

BoozyBabe

Well, it's 10:10 on Saturday night & I'm on the internet so you can guess I'm not out!

The guy text a while ago to say he was going out with his cousin as the cousin is going off to Oz, & he wasn't going to night club either as he was getting up early in thr morn to watch the Chinese GP. I said cousin leaving & you're not even going to go to the disco with him. In relation to the GP, he said I have to get my priorities right.

I thought yes indeed you do, but I've just ignored him, life's too short. It's up to him to contact me in the future if he decides he wants to meet, but I'm not about to wait for him.

Really feel right now that he's been kind of messing with my feelings for the last while & so I'm a bit annoyed with him, I don't want to get aggro with him over the phone cos I don't really have grounds to do so, but next time I see him i will

Endurance Man

BoozyBabe wrote:

Well, it's 10:10 on Saturday night & I'm on the internet so you can guess I'm not out!

The guy text a while ago to say he was going out with his cousin as the cousin is going off to Oz, & he wasn't going to night club either as he was getting up early in thr morn to watch the Chinese GP. I said cousin leaving & you're not even going to go to the disco with him. In relation to the GP, he said I have to get my priorities right.

I thought yes indeed you do, but I've just ignored him, life's too short. It's up to him to contact me in the future if he decides he wants to meet, but I'm not about to wait for him.

Really feel right now that he's been kind of messing with my feelings for the last while & so I'm a bit annoyed with him, I don't want to get aggro with him over the phone cos I don't really have grounds to do so, but next time I see him i will

Its the Grand Prix :eek: , my brother and I to a certain extent plan our lives around it. It may sound like a lame excuse but to some guys its really important .

mikeruurds

Keep your chin up girl.

By the way... Setanta is showing the full GP from 9:45 this morning. I know it was scheduled for the early hours, but my wife and I went out last night and we're watching it now after having had a good night's rest :rolleyes:

BoozyBabe

Ok,
I've already said this on another thread, so I'll keep it short.

I just want to thank everyone here for all your advice & kind words. They helped me a lot.
I was out on Saturday night & again, no sign of the guy. I text him to see if he was out, he said no cos friend was away & he didn't know what I was at!!!!
As you can imagine, that was like a red rag to a bull!
I said, you didn't think to ask me??? Told him didn't think he was interested, wish he'd just say it so I'd stop making fool of myself etc, etc. He said it wasn't like that.
Yesterday he phoned me & apologised for the fact that he'd hurt me, he didn't realise.
He had wanted to give me some time to myself (that's another story but I know why he was doing that) He said he had went about the wrong way & was sorry that I was left feeling the way I did. He told me he was V interested & there was nothing he'd like more provided it was what I wanted.
So, we are now going out, haven't actually seem him since but I'm happy anyway.
All my hard work has paid off so fingers crossed for the future!!!
Thanks all!

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Congrats BoozyBabe, nice to see it worked out for you! Take it slow and enjoy it. Life is too short, so make sure you enjoy it!