In need of Help!

murrno

Right well first off...I've got this girl (I'll use the name Susan for her), who wants to go out with me, she recently found out she has MS...I kind of felt sorry for her so said yes even though I am not attracted to her but we're realy good mates. She asked was I ready to take her on with her sickness and all involved, I said I was even though I was not quite sure. Wait it gets worse...a girl she was recently with has been texting me (lets call her Debbie), well anyway Debbie said Susan actually has a tumour and could die with in the next year and really doesn't need the strain of a relationship. Susan was told by her Mam and Dad that she had MS because they couldn't come to terms with the fact of her being so close to death. Debbie knows what she really has becuase she was Susan's nurse. Everyone is giving her false hope by telling her she has MS becuase she is coming to terms with it and it's not even her true condition. I can't tell Susan becuase if I do Debbie will lose her job, she wasn't meant to see Susan's files. I'm am really confused as to what to do. I know it'd be hard to give advice but if you could it'd be greatly appreciated. Plus I've lost a mate from getting into a relationship which is obvioulsy never a good idea.

merritt

Good grief.

First, my thoughts are with your friend. How horrid for her.

Right, what do you feel? All things being equal, would you go out with this girl? I'm presuming that you don't have amazingly strong feelings as yet and it's early days. So, if you didn't know all this would you pursue it further?

Second, the cat is out of the bag, so ask yourself honestly: "Am I dating this girl because I really like her, or because I feel sorry for her?"

Third, (if you've got this far!) do you accept her condition? As in, do you truly understand what is happening and what it will mean to you and her? Do you realise that *really really* you will never be able to tell her what you know (even if you fall headfirst in love soulmates 4ever and all that)?

Good luck.

murrno

To be honest am not sure if I really want the relationship, I broke it off just last night on account of what Debbie was telling me about Susan's condition and used the excuse of it being a long distancce relationship, which really it isn't..it's only an hour for me to get to hers. Obviously she didn't take that well as it wasn't a proper excuse. She kind of knows somethings up but because I've hurt her she doesn't even want me to be there as a mate.

Thing is...I'd hate myself if things progressed and I wasn't there to support her. We were so close and she told me everything but things went downhill since the relationship, now I've lost her completly. I said to her I can understand you blocking me out after what I did considering how much I hurt you but if you ever need me that I'm always here. I do think once she starts to struggle with her condition she'll need all the friends she can get.

I just feel so sorry, no one deserves to be going through such a major condition, if the tumour gets bigger she'll be rushed for an emergency operation and only will have a 50/50 chance of living...she'll be lucky if she makes it a year. The tumour is so close to her brain.

BTW...thanks for your reply

merritt

V welcome.

It sounds like you're pretty clued-in - enough to know that, although you had a very close friendship, a relationship is not really what you want with her.

Like any painful emotional experience between people, it will take time to feel better about it and move on. Unfortunately, as your friends may not have that much time, the bust up probably feels even more difficult.

Keep your door open for her. In time she'll realise what a good friend you are and she'll be glad to turn to you for support.

Annasopra

wouldn't this be more suited to "Personal Issues"

wheresthebeef

as a health care professional i think its disgraceful that this girl isnt aware of her condition. It is ethically unsound to deceive a patient about their illness, and it is legally incorrect. This girl, providing she is over the age of 18 will have to consent to her treatment. She cannot consent to any treatment unless she is fully aware of her condition.
I know it would be difficult to tell someone they have a life threatening or terminal illness, but no-one has the right to keep that kind of information from someone.
Not that it is your job to tell her. and secondly it is disgraceful that any nurse would help in hiding a patients condition from them, and discuss it with other people.

Murrno, only you can know if you want to be in a relationship with this person, if you dont, then you have done the right thing. either way, you are her friend and she will need all the support of her friends over the duration of her illness. i know at the moment she is pushing you away, but maybe after some time, and when the dust settles things will balance out. just because you arent in a partner relationship, doesnt mean you cant be a friend and offer support and company.

LegacyUser

Is there a possibility that Debbie is lying?
If Debbie was 'with' Susan recently, maybe she wants you to keep you away and get back with susan etc. Such a thing would be fairly bizarre to say the least (in my defence, I am a little paranoid...), BUT no less bizarre than Susan not being made aware of such a serious situation, regardless of what age she is (assuming Susan is over, say, 14).