Blonde Jokes

Mr.Applepie

I'm hungover so i dont know if these have been posted before

(1)A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?!"

(2)Two dumb blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first dumb blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said,"No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

(3)Two dumb blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.
The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

(4)A blonde was sick and tired of hearing jokes about being dumb. She decided to dye her hair black and set out to prove to the world just how wrong they were about blondes.
She drove out of the city and into the country where there were many sheep farms. She spotted a sheep farmer, stopped her car and said, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep are in your field, will you give me a sheep?" He said "Sure!" She counted and said "131." The farmer said, "That's Right! Go ahead and get a sheep." The blonde went and got her sheep.
Then, the farmer said, "If I tell you what color your hair really is, can I have it back?" and she said, "Yes."
"Blonde. Now give me back my dog."
(5)A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains......I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa. Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50! figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. What's the distance from the earth to the moon? The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four? The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, Well, so what IS the answer!? Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
(6)A blonde was driving down a two lane road in her brand new $120,000 mustang when she got behind a semi. She road his bumper for almost a mile. The driver of the semi waved her to get off of his bumper. The blonde thought that he was just waving so she waved back. The driver knew that the blonde didn't understand so he motioned for her to pull off of the road. On the side of the road, the driver of the semi drew a large circle with a piece of chalk of the road. He told the blonde to stand inside the circle and not to move until he told her to. He went back to the cab of his truck, got a baseball bat, and walked up next to her brand new $120,000 mustang. He started beating the crap out of her car, until all that was left was a mangled mess of metal. He walked over to the blonde who was laughing hysterically. The man asked her: "Why are you laughing? I just beat the **** out of your new car." She just looked at him, and with a little giggle said ,"While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle."
(7)THERE WERE 2 BLONDES AT THE LAKE, ONE ON EACH SIDE OF THE LAKE. FIRST BLONDE YELLS TO THE SECOND BLONDE "HOW DID YOU GET TO THE OTHER SIDE?" THE SECOND BLONDE YELLS BACK "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE".
(8)There's a blonde in a rowboat in the middle of a field, just rowing and rowing her heart out. Another blonde comes down the road, looks into the field, and stares at the first blonde.
"What do you think you're doing?!" she asks."I'm rowing, and I'd better hurry up! I'm going to be late!" says the first girl.
The second girl gets mad. "What?! You know, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name! And if I could swim, I'd come out there and slap you silly!"

(9)A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor, a man gets on who's perfect: 3-piece suit, great build with a nice butt, the bad part is they both noticed he had dandruff.
The man got off on the 5th floor. Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him 'Head &Shoulders.'"
To which the blonde replied, "How do you give 'Shoulders'?"

(10)Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

Cake Fiend

I rarely do this, but I have to give this one a

lol! good 'un
(C) and TM Cauldron of Despair

Mr.Applepie

And what does dat mean???

TheWolf

good stuff mate, loved the top down on the car, the lawyer and the head and shoulders ones. Cheers mate

Lump

I love the last one, all of them were good though.



John

Lemming

More blonde jokes .... Be warned .. these are NOT PC by ANY stretch of the imagination. Anyone offended by them, that was not my intention and I'll apologise now!



1) What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brunette?
-> Artificial Intelligence


2)What do you call a brunette that dyes her hair blonde?
-> Wishful thinking


3)What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
-> The back of her head


4)What do you call 4 blondes standing shoulder to shoulder, with someone whispering in the first blonde's ear?
-> Wind Tunnel


5)What do a blonde and a 747 have in common?
-> They both have a cockpit and they both have a black box


6)What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
-> Not everyone has been in a 747



There are manyyyyy more but I'll not type them

Pugsley

ROFLMFAO pld lemming :D:D:D
5 6 + 7 were best in the 2nd set

b20uvkft6m5xwg

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up

Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.

Alis

80project.com wrote:

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Despite the brunette avitar...

You will find that I have blond hair.

I'm also pretty smart.

Maybe smarter than all of you.

(If you ever want to put that to the test let me know.)

Otherwise consider yourselves educated

Victor

Alis, as a bitter, angry person (male) I have to agree somewhat to the stereotype of 'challenged' blondes - however I am perfectly willing to accept that there are smart blondes. However, I admit I do know one and am willing to meet the other two.

Alis

Ok, I have blond hair. I even have the pale skin and blue eyes to match.

My mother has blond hair. I presume that is where I got it from because my father had dark brown hair.

I have one sister (light brown hair) and two brothers (one with dark brown hair and one with light brown hair).

Can one of you please explain to me *in scientific terms* why I (probably) dumber than my sister and brothers?

Thank you

Spunog UIE

jsut to keep away from the whole blondes are stupid bit...

what do you call a blonde with white eyes????



hmmmm: full

b20uvkft6m5xwg

Alis as Lemming said previously....

Be warned .. these are NOT PC by ANY stretch of the imagination. Anyone offended by them, that was not my intention and I'll apologise now!

BTW this is the humour board, Jokes are told. Jokes I stress! They are usually w/ fore warning, nobody has asked you to log onto this thread. If you're blonde and are offended, sorry, but please lighten up a little. If we cant laugh @ ourselves then who can we??

Alis

Yes it is the humour board, that is why I used a smiley rather than an angry icon at the end of my posts.

Personally I think it is *just* as funny that a bunch of guys with a million and one blond jokes can't think of one proper reason why blonds are more likely to be dumber than redheads, brunettes...

I'll leave it at that

b20uvkft6m5xwg

OK fair enough Alis.
I not goin to argue w/ someone who lists "Kickboxing" as an interest;)

Lemming

Originally posted by 80project.com
Alis as Lemming said previously....


BTW this is the humour board, Jokes are told. Jokes I stress! They are usually w/ fore warning, nobody has asked you to log onto this thread. If you're blonde and are offended, sorry, but please lighten up a little. If we cant laugh @ ourselves then who can we??

"He who can laugh at himself will never cease to be amused."

There's a message in there Alis

seamus

Originally posted by Alis

Personally I think it is *just* as funny that a bunch of guys with a million and one blond jokes can't think of one proper reason why blonds are more likely to be dumber than redheads, brunettes...

I'll leave it at that

I could tell you the reason but then it wouldn't belong on the humour boards...........

so I'm not off-topic:
A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff. Who hits the ground first. The brunette - the blonde has to stop and ask directions

soz:)

Mr.Applepie

Originally posted by Lemming


"He who can laugh at himself will never cease to be amused."

There's a message in there Alis

I should be ok then then cause either im laughing at myself for something of said/done(usually embarasing) or others are laughing at me. Either way i find most things amusing

Originally posted by Alis I think it is *just* as funny that a bunch of guys with a million and one blond jokes can't think of one proper reason why blonds are more likely to be dumber than redheads, brunettes...

TBH there is no reason why blonds are "stupider" then others. It's just a stereotype(which i dont belive in) but all the same many fine jokes have come from it but if i have a offended any1 in any way i apologise because i meant no insult!

jaarius

Originally posted by Alis


Can one of you please explain to me *in scientific terms* why I (probably) dumber than my sister and brothers?

Thank you

cos you're blonde, duh!




j

Shiminay

Originally posted by jaarius


cos you're blonde, duh!




j

Actually, that's a brilliant comeback - I always laugh at little things like that - nice!

If anyone takes offence to Blonde jokes (which are as old as the hills), then these boards are not the place for you!!! @B^)

plyd Mr Applepie for starting the threat - hadn't seen some of those jokes before!