No way of meeting friends...

Rozie

Most of the clubs and socs died at college so there's not really much way of meeting new people. I DESPERATELY want to meet new people, I was alone all last year, I met ONE new person and lost s ton of other friends.

I'm really suffering from depression because of this, and find it hard to do anything.

Normally, I'd sink my head in a good book, comic, or RPG, but I just read all 82 Issues of Ultimate Spiderman and I don't have any books with me, or much money.

There's a tabletop RPG on with two of the friends that split partly because of long term struggles, and partly because of transsexuality(the original struggles sort of started indriectly because of the TS stuff though). I'm not sure why exactly they stopped talking to me, but they've agreed to be in an RPG at the same time as me.

It's going to be so weird. I'm not sure i want to be friends with these people if they're going to treat me the way I do (threw me out of the house when one of my "triggers" was set off; which is ironic because they freak when anyone mentions rape).

I dunno what to do. Being cut off from their circle of friends was one of the big things that stopped me making new friends completely. I never found a replacement, and they have totally new friends now too.

I don't know what to do. I really wish it was an issue of "Get up and go", but there really is no way to do that.

AARRRGH

I can imagine you will always have problems making new friends as a transsexual (although this could just be my predjudice, but I doubt it.)

I assume you accepted this was a possibility before you became a TS?

Rozie

Didn't have much of a choice, unfortunately.

Still, it's not the worst of my problems. At least if I can be myself it's a little easier. The problem is I need to find new ways of making friends. With clubs and socs gone, the TS thing could be an issue, because I really need a reason to talk to people or they'll be freaked out.

Silverfish

Rozie wrote:

(threw me out of the house when one of my "triggers" was set off; which is ironic because they freak when anyone mentions rape).

I'm an innocent. What does this mean??

AARRRGH

What city are you in?

Could you join a theatre class/dancing class/singing class/whatever OUTSIDE of college?

Rozie

dublindude wrote:

What city are you in?

Could you join a theatre class/dancing class/singing class/whatever OUTSIDE of college?

Limerick, bugger all to do there anymore. They closed the interesting pubs/places down. Half the stuff on campus in UL has closed down. It's like the city is purposely trying to piss me off.

I've joined Drama-Soc, it's the only half decent society still going. But the college really screwed us over, and there really are a lot of people there and it's going to be hard to get to know anyone much because of the nature of it. I'm thinking about singing classes, but really, I have little money, and my parents are a bit on and off with taking interest in my emotional wllbeing.

AARRRGH

You could always set up your own society? Take the initiative?

Rozie

Silverfish wrote:

I'm an innocent. What does this mean??

It means someone said something to me that really set off one of my TS-related problems in my head, and I ended up crying. It basically just means somebody was being insensitive.

Silverfish

Thats what I thought.

You seem to have a good few hobbies and interests, and from your posts it seems that you have no real trouble making friends in the first instance, but maybe the friends you make aren't the best - so the problem isn't you, obviously ( you probably already know that, but your post does seem to imply you think it on some level)

I would go with dublindude, setting up your own society seems a really good idea.

PhantomBeaker

Silly idea, but would it be worth asking Dramsoc to arrange some improvisation sessions?

It'd be a cheap event for them to run (just need a room and someone there with ideas for a situation), and you can really get to know the people who are in your improv group. Plus it can be a LOT of fun. Also it means that the more "serious" actors can learn how to cover over a mistake or a blank.

Plus the fun.

Aoife

klong

Do you plan on going to any of the UL Boards Beers?

Illegal Alien

LoL, excuse my complete ignorance of the subject, I have trouble understading some of the lingo here, but my point is just about the friends thing, i mean, there must be loads of TS's out there who have no problem meeting friends, having groups who don't give a sh*t about that stuff...couldn't you get into a group of people like that through meeting other TS's? I mean if you went to a hang out where you would tend to find TS's and get friendly with them, you could eventually get friendly with their friends and gradually phase yourself into the group? Getting to know TS's is your best bet though, they'll have the exact same experiences, be sympathetic to your scenario, and are best equiped to help you out.

Rozie

klong wrote:

Do you plan on going to any of the UL Boards Beers?

I don't reckon they'd much appreciate that. I'd be too emabarassed. There's a small chance not everyone knows me by site, despite literally being the "only transgender in the villiage". I normally keep it very subtle though unless I'm going out, a sort of half-way measure I'm usually somewhat happy with.

I got banned from that board too for being scared of gunshots XD

Rozie

Illegal Alien wrote:

LoL, excuse my complete ignorance of the subject, I have trouble understading some of the lingo here, but my point is just about the friends thing, i mean, there must be loads of TS's out there who have no problem meeting friends, having groups who don't give a sh*t about that stuff...couldn't you get into a group of people like that through meeting other TS's? I mean if you went to a hang out where you would tend to find TS's and get friendly with them, you could eventually get friendly with their friends and gradually phase yourself into the group? Getting to know TS's is your best bet though, they'll have the exact same experiences, be sympathetic to your scenario, and are best equiped to help you out.

It's hard to find TS people in Ireland, most of them tend to hide their heads, and seeing some reactions, I can't fully blame them.

I joined the Gay soc anyway, which is apparently still doing things.

klong

Rozie wrote:

I joined the Gay soc anyway, which is apparently still doing things.

That was going to be my next suggestion, joining Out in UL

Rozie

They weren't there at sign up... apparently Music soc has come back to life too. Doesn't mean they'll do anything much interesting though, now that the scholars is gone

Amazotheamazing

This might be insensitive but it's not meant to be. Have you considered participating in the Alternative Miss Limerick, not necessarily enter it, but meet people through it? It's run every year around now. I'm sure they'll have been through at least some of what you've been through. Failing that, leave Limerick (speaking as a Limerickman who loves the place), drop out and go. Transfer to a different course in a different town, don't stay somewhere you can't be happy.

Rozie

If I fail this year, I'll move to Cork and find a job there...

annR

Hi Rozie

How long do you have left in college? Is your course one where you could do a transfer to somewhere else? Just sounds to me like there isn't a lot there for you.

A

chump

Why don't you head off to the US or somewhere in Europe where there's a big TS culture...

Unfortunately if you're too embarassed and shy to try and tackle the prejudices that rear there head in almost all communities in Ireland, you'll have a tough time.

Didn't have much of a choice, unfortunately.

Why didn't you have a choice?
You were torn between 2 choices, you choose 1.
Fair enough it may let you be yourself a little easier ... but look at the other problems it brought to the table

Chrissie

Chump, I don't think if you were in Rozie's situation you'd see yourself as having a choice!!!
People are what they are & you can't change that.
Basically you seem to be saying there was another choice for Rozie:- lie to herself, ignore what she is just to make us narrow minded Irish people feel more comfortable & for her a life of misery.
She didn't have a choice, she had to find heself which she has, & yes, she's still miserable, but the problem doesn't lie with her, again, the problem is our narrow minded attitudes.

Rozie, I'm just sorry that you find yourself having to be stuck in this country with the general population having the views it does. I wish you the very best in whatever you decide.

Sorry if I sound aggressive, but telling her she had a choice is just ignorant, IMO

Jonny Arson

Chrissie wrote:

Chump, I don't think if you were in Rozie's situation you'd see yourself as having a choice!!!
People are what they are & you can't change that.
Basically you seem to be saying there was another choice for Rozie:- lie to herself, ignore what she is just to make us narrow minded Irish people feel more comfortable & for her a life of misery.
She didn't have a choice, she had to find heself which she has, & yes, she's still miserable, but the problem doesn't lie with her, again, the problem is our narrow minded attitudes.

^ extremely well said.

Rozie

Thank you

Japonica

Why not join Salsa dancing. I'm sure that there is a club in Limerick. Its a great way to meet lots of girls and guys. I have been doing it for the last few years since I moved to Dublin and have met some of the most amazing people. Absolutely brilliant.

Also, why not join a charity? Its a great way of getting to meet new people while knowing you're giving something back to society as well.

Just a few ideas. Remember, where theres a will, theres a way....

chump

Chrissie wrote:

Basically you seem to be saying there was another choice for Rozie:- lie to herself, ignore what she is just to make us narrow minded Irish people feel more comfortable & for her a life of misery.
She didn't have a choice, she had to find heself which she has, & yes, she's still miserable, but the problem doesn't lie with her, again, the problem is our narrow minded attitudes.

I disagree.. Rozie is a bisexual (as stated elsewhere) who identifies herself as a female in a male body.
She didn't have the choice to leap into that female body she believes she should have been born with, instead she had the option to undergo medical and surgical intervention to help convert her into a version of that "true self" she aspires for.

There is a difference.

So she could choose to live how she was, and accept that she couldn't have that female body, but have an easier life (less med,surgical intervention) while also being more easily accepted by society.

Regarding your comments on narrow-minded society etc.- if that's how you see it, that's how you see it, and there's definetely truth in it. But did Rosie expect our society to suddenly change?

The second option, which is the route she has taken, involved undergoing intervention. Which may indeed lead her on a road into which she feels more comfortable within herself, but creates the obvious society-orientated problems.

So yes, she did have a choice.
Not an easy or fair choice, but a choice...

chump

I thought of a good example
It's certainly not real to life but demonstrates a point.

A young man has been grotesquely disfigured. He cant stand to be amongst people as everyone can't help but stare. People turn and glare. Sometimes they look horrified. It hurts him everytime.

He's given a choice. A magic surgical procedure can completely cure his disfigurement and make him an attractive young chap...

Unfortunately as a side effect his jewels will fall off and he'll grow a pair of breasts.

He weighs up his options, and says feckit - he'll lose the willy.

So in losing his gender identity he becomes more acceptable to our cruel world.

Tough decision.